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Newest Member: Lumpini1965

Reconciliation :
8 months out, considering R, but still hurting when I’m with him — what actually helped you?

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 idkkat (original poster new member #87275) posted at 2:08 AM on Monday, April 27th, 2026

I’m about 8 months out from DDay.

The past few months have been really hard, a lot of anxiety and depression. During that time, my H was present and available, which is part of why I’m starting to consider R.

But I’m struggling with how it actually feels day to day.

When I’m with him, I still see him as the person who hurt me so deeply. It’s not anger as much as sadness. I don’t feel safe or "in love" — just heavy and sad.

For those of you who are further along in R and feel like it worked (or is working):

What actually helped you get to a better place?
Did the feelings change gradually with consistent effort (check-ins, transparency, etc.), or were there specific moments that shifted things for you?
Besides the basics (like 100% transparency), what made the biggest difference?
What did your WS do — specifically — that helped you heal?

I read some posts and people keep saying the WS has done a lot of work, I'm curious what does that mean specifically?

posts: 3   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2026   ·   location: California
id 8894106
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Unhinged ( member #47977) posted at 2:39 AM on Monday, April 27th, 2026

Is he willing to talk about the affair?

Married 2005
D-Day April, 2015
Divorced May, 2022

"The Universe is not short on wake-up calls. We're just quick to hit the snooze button." -Brene Brown

posts: 7242   ·   registered: May. 21st, 2015   ·   location: Colorado
id 8894108
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