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OW has decided to launch herself as an influencer. She has been posting about her perfect life with her perfect new husband and kids. That is annoying enough and I’ve swore to myself I won’t look her up again however the thing that annoyed me most was the amount of people I know within my community who know about the affair and liking her posts. OH and I are still together (just about) It’s like I’m being betrayed by those people too as they are validating her. It has put me in a real funk of depression. Am I being too sensitive or superficial letting this annoy me?

Most people will avoid uncomfortable emotions and situations if they can. It's easier for these people to like OW's posts than confront what she did. Plus, a lot of people don't realize how much infidelity hurts until they've experienced it for themselves. It's like knowing that childbirth hurts - there's a whole other level of understanding after you've been through it.

ktez, I wouldn't say you're being "too sensitive or superficial" about this, but you are "pain-shopping" to a certain extent here. What are you gaining from this? Are you going to cut these people off for supporting her? If not, block her and do your best to forget about her. She's living rent-free in your head, messing up your day, and you can work on preventing that.

Ultimately you have choices about your life going forward: stay with your WH or leave him. Stay friends with people who support OW or dump them. Follow OW's exploits, or block her and cultivate indifference.

These aren't moral choices, just personal ones based on your values, feelings, and the future you want to have.

[This message edited by NoThanksForTheMemories at 9:44 PM, Thursday, April 9th]

My wife's AP has a facebook account where he expounds on being virtuous and has posts dragging people who lack ethics. I almost threw up in my mouth reading it and it took everything I had to not make a couple of posts of my own.

I know this because when I first found out I looked him up to see who he even was. That was about a year ago. I have only looked one other time since then when he got fired for some FB posts and I was curious enough to see what got him fired. He'd already deleted the offending posts and all I saw was more virtue signaling from the scumbag.

It wasn't worth it. NTFTM is correct. You even looking is a form of pain shopping. I haven't blocked the man who slept with my wife, but I sure as hell don't go to his page and dwell over what he does, who likes what, or even devote any of my attention to him. It's just not worth it. I get nothing but pain, grief, and anxiety from it.

My advice? Block her if you have to. Don't even look.

Are you being too sensitive or superficial? Hell no. For me this was one of, if not THE worst experience in my life. Betrayal trauma is real trauma. PTSD type symptoms are common. Your reaction is totally understandable. I completely sympathize. However, you're in control of how much you'll be exposed to it. I know it's a lot easier said than done, but block her from your life. Both literally and figuratively. Don't let her have this power over you.

Let me put you this way:

You probably already know the magnitude of betrayal trauma and its ptsd.

It’s worse than war ptsd, physical abuse and violence, it just sits there on the top worst things a human can do to another human.

It is so despicable that along the course of human history it has been punished as a capital offense, whether by execution or banishment of the offenders.

Today it is even promoted as a desirable lifestyle because it breaks down people making them easier to manipulate, so you can expect no justice for the insult that was done to you.

Recognition to the gravity of betrayal is reserved only towards the elites, countries or the highest order of powers, only there is still retaliated.

The message is clear: your pain doesn’t matter enough to be not even vindicated, just merely recognized with empathy.

This is the message this people in your "community " gave you loud and clear.

Now the answer to your question lies in your own morality and feelings, and in the end no answer is as elegant as its question, so I will answer you with this question.

Would you wish to be close or connected with someone who validates and cheers someone who perpetrated abuses like rape, violence or the like or would you want to remove this crowd from your circle?

There is a reason why healing waywards or betrayed partners are advised to cut off ties with friends and social contacts (yes even family) who were aware of the affair and helped to keep it going, hidden or facilitated it.

The key is they are knowingly choosing to do this, would be different if they were not aware.

There you go. But your emotions already answered me.

[This message edited by BackfromtheStorm at 1:59 PM, Friday, April 10th]

OW has decided to launch herself as an influencer. She has been posting about her perfect life with her perfect new husband and kids.

Still seeking external validation, huh? You, of course, are under no obligation to offer that up! You can, however, choose to recognize that shit for what it is.

I can certainly understand how annoying it would be seeing folks hit the "like" button on her posts, especially when they know she's an adulterer. That would certainly ruffle my feathers, too.

I can certainly understand how annoying it would be seeing folks hit the "like" button on her posts, especially when they know she's an adulterer. That would certainly ruffle my feathers, too.

When people show you who they truly are you better believe them right away.

And cut them off from your life.

Is not a loss, it’s risk management. You save yourself some trouble down the road.