SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Feels like months, but we are just one month post DDay. Both fully committed to reconciling, which I am so grateful for.

Still have severe shame spirals, but overall trend is better. Definitely not linear with some days being substantially worse than previous days.

We are practicing total honesty and transparency and that is requiring me to rewire my brain after years of hiding. I have done work in IC that has helped me understand that me hiding my sexual history before we married resulted in feelings of shame that impacted my ability to feel safe and loved (ie she loves me, but would she if she knew everything about me). Still hard to be vulnerable.

One thing I knew before DDay, but has been confirmed in spades the last month is the Mrs. FVL is super strong. The trauma is there and the symptoms / manifestations force me to really show up vs crawling into a shame spiral, but she has shown up to work on reconciling since day one and every day since. Her grace is totally undeserved, but appreciated every minute of every day.

Just wanted to post a short update as I know the last few posts from me have reflected some of my lowest moments. Still pretty messy some days, but trending in the right direction.

I don’t have any real advice here, I just wanted to say I keep logging in to specifically check on you as I am praying for your healing, your wife’s, and the rebuilding of your relationship. I am so glad things are continuing to move in the right direction and it’s okay- it’s a process. Some days will be harder than others but that is just you being strengthened in new and needed ways.

FVL

Thanks for checking in. Glad to hear things are going as well as can be expected.

Her grace is totally undeserved,

Really? Are you sure about this?

Good point, unhinged.

These things have happened, yes. I think it’s safe to say it’s not who you have become and it doesn’t have to define you for life. I have every confidence you are going to do everything humanly possible that demonstrates that. Be well.

Hard at this point to feel like any grace is deserved. In a moment of truth and tears I told my wife I really wish I could see myself the same way she sees me. I feel like I am starting my healing journey, but still get anxious at the thought that I will think about my infidelity every day and that always triggers negative emotions.

I have also tapered off bupernorphine (used for opiate addiction) for the first time in 20 years and probably needed to space these events further apart as I am experiencing more symptoms from the withdrawal than anticipated. The worst physical symptoms are over, but the insomnia and anxiety is going to run another week.

Fortunately I am taping out of work and solely focusing on physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual healing. Very hard to adjust as my life has been defined by work for the last 30 years. I have always been passionate about criminal justice reform and am looking into some non profits to volunteer as I have always found service to be a good way to focus less on my problems.

Very appreciative of the support from those who have trod this path before I have. Gives me hope that future days will be less consumed with the weight of my choices and more focused on the life and relationship my wife and I are building. She has every reason not to build a new foundation (really the first honest foundation), but she has committed to that and that helps me feel like I have something to offer.

She has every reason not to build a new foundation (really the first honest foundation), but she has committed to that and that helps me feel like I have something to offer.

If she still chooses you after knowing your flaws and especially after a betrayal of this magnitude, you can be pretty sure its because she loves you.

She has every reason to leave and doesn't. She must think you are worth it.

Hang in there.