SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thing's have been going as well as expected for only being 3 months from DDay (8weeksish from dday 2). We are in a good place in that we are having good talks, counselling going well and we are both handling the dark moments the way they need to be handled, IE answer questions, be open etc and even intimacy has been going well even though I cry afterwards at times. I am fully aware we still have a long road but was feeling hopeful but husband has just been diagnosed with a potential life limiting disease...I have no idea how to process this along side processing an affair, Life is feeling very short right now and I don't want to waste anymore time going over the crap of the past, he truly believes this is karma for his behaviour but he is still 100% focused on affair recovery and feels his condition can be processed at a later stage, I'm just so loag

That is a lot to handle all at once. I would suggest you slow down and focus less on the future (with all of its great unknowns) and stick to the present. Is your WS refusing to get treatment as a way of punishing himself? Because that wouldn't help anybody and is really him throwing a pity party. As for you, "going over the crap of the past" isn't wasting time. It's part of the healing process, and it's work you're going to have to do.

Life has always been potentially short. Accidents can happen. Debilitating illness or disease can strike. I had to deal with that prior to DDay, so in some ways it helped (I already had a trauma therapist LOL). It's easy to lose ourselves in "what might happen," but until you know more, try not to panic and try to stay focused on getting through today and tomorrow as well as you can. Best wishes to you and your WH.

Thank you, he isn't refusing treatment and is handling it quite well (well from what I see) he initiated a talk (about the affair) this morning as he said he could see I was struggling so he definitely isn't using it as a "distraction". Focusing on the present is definitely sound advice something I have always struggled with though 😔 the "what ifs" can floor me most days if I don't keep them in check, his counsellor has said to focus on the "what is" same principle I suppose

I literally just watched a researcher be asked a question about about self talk. If you make yourself look at the positives, you just do better. If you wake up in the morning and you look forward to the day, you forgive yourself for transgressions, you try to forgive others, and be thankful for where you are, you are going to do better. Beating yourself up, holding grudges, just being down and sad really has an effect on you physically and emotionally. I think with whatever is facing the two of you right now you need to be thankful for what you have, work on what you can and try to have a positive outlook not just on his illness, but on yourselves and each other. That sounds very much like Pollyanna, but it really does help you physically to have these good feeling hormones in your brain.