Most of you know my story but for those who don’t, WS summer with escorts, (3x) , porn but DDay 9/23 onward he has been the " poster boy" of recovery…….until last Friday. I found 2 escort sites on his computer and was very calm….then made him leave. I also finally told my 25 year old.
The story has come out that he did not have sex, he did not contact them. ….but he used their sites as "porn" …which is illegal in the country he was visiting . He travels a lot for business and this was his first time on a big trip . We lived overseas for many years as expats - he travelled 50% of the time. I never for a second thought he’d do this…….25 yrs in love and very devoted ( I thought) the escorts happened locally not while travelling but who knows…..he absolutely had a 25 year pron addiction I knew nothing of. I’ll drive myself crazy wondering, assuming, etc. He swears he never saw escorts before that time, which is enough, but we really did do the work…..for a year.
So , no escorts but he admitted to porn for past 4 months which to me is just almost the same. He’s back in his "secret sexual basement" ……he’s broken. I know he loves us. We have done therapy and an online EMS program which was brutal…..we were just saying how lucky we were to have over come all this…..but really he was glad I thought he was healing :(
So my question is…..porn is a relapse……but if he is now admitting he may be a sex addict…..is relapse part of the process? I made it too easy last time but being empathetic and caring and now he’s rock bottom? He didn’t see escorts but sounds like he was on the way…..
We aren’t really talking
I have an appt with a lawyer
I love my husband
I love myself
Am I delusional? Overreacting? Is relapse inevitable ? I’m so sad and confused. Everyone says take good care of yourself…..I am with basics ( water, healthy food, exercise, breathing). Any help appreciated
