Lacking direction, will I ever know the truth?

Hi all,
This is my first time posting so please be kind!
Looking for advice from those who have been through similar... Wondering if i am fighting a losing battle but i really don't want to part with my family.
Background - me and my partner of 15 years expanded our business last year (predominately his, I WFH doing the accounts & kids). He is very passionate about the business, and works 75+ hours per week, has done since we met due to the nature of his work. I have become more involved since it's growth due to me having more of a behind the scenes skillset.. HR/Accounting/Admin. We have two children (10&6). I genuinely considered us to be happily married and so fortunate to have found each other and be growing together.
I found out just after the expansion that he was pursuing a new member of staff, half his age at 22. I felt him detach rapidly, so found it out within 2 weeks of it starting - she very much reciprocated but left quickly after I found out.
We commenced marriage counselling, but over the period of 6 months following, i found out they were still in touch and secretly meeting from time to time.
During this period and just by awful chance, my sister died suddenly, my mum got a critical illness diagnosis and our dog died. I was absorbed in grief, unable to function properly (panic attacks/anxiety), and felt like my life was being shattered and i had no control. There was so much opportunity for him to stop but he didnt.
We didnt have time away from eachother, for the kids, and his promises to stop and remain loyal - we were planning another baby.
Fast forward to now, I am still experiencing paranoia and I still really struggle to go in to the business, it is tainted. We are still in counselling, and he wants to forget this has all happened, but I can't. I'm trying but his movements still feel odd, he goes to the gym late at night after work which is new, and whenever he goes distant or moves differently, I am almost certain they've been in touch with each other. It is very difficult.
I feel a lot stronger personally, and I will not turn a blind eye, but I can not figure out if my intuition is right and he is lying or i am completely off.
Sorry, this is long! I really want this to work and move forward, but it feels impossible while he's acting this way - I don't even know how i feel about him now? Is this a midlife crisis?! Do i sit patiently waiting.. How do I move..

3 comments posted: Friday, February 21st, 2025

Is this what reconciliation looks like?

Hi all,
This is my first time posting so please be kind!
Looking for advice from those who have been through similar... Wondering if i am fighting a losing battle but i really don't want to part with my family.
Background - me and my partner of 15 years expanded our business last year (predominately his, I WFH doing the accounts & kids). He is very passionate about the business, and works 75+ hours per week, has done since we met due to the nature of his work. I have become more involved since it's growth due to me having more of a behind the scenes skillset.. HR/Accounting/Admin. We have two children (10&6). I genuinely considered us to be happily married and so fortunate to have found each other and be growing together.
I found out just after the expansion that he was pursuing a new member of staff, half his age at 22. I felt him detach rapidly, so found it out within 2 weeks of it starting - she very much reciprocated but left quickly after I found out.
We commenced marriage counselling, but over the period of 6 months following, i found out they were still in touch and secretly meeting from time to time.
During this period and just by awful chance, my sister died suddenly, my mum got a critical illness diagnosis and our dog died. I was absorbed in grief, unable to function properly (panic attacks/anxiety), and felt like my life was being shattered and i had no control. There was so much opportunity for him to stop but he didnt.
We didnt have time away from eachother, for the kids, and his promises to stop and remain loyal - we were planning another baby.
Fast forward to now, I am still experiencing paranoia and I still really struggle to go in to the business, it is tainted. We are still in counselling, and he wants to forget this has all happened, but I can't. I'm trying but his movements still feel odd, he goes to the gym late at night after work which is new, and whenever he goes distant or moves differently, I am almost certain they've been in touch with each other. It is very difficult.
I feel a lot stronger personally, and I will not turn a blind eye, but I can not figure out if my intuition is right and he is lying or i am completely off.
Sorry, this is long! I really want this to work and move forward, but it feels impossible while he's acting this way - I don't even know how i feel about him now? Is this a midlife crisis?! Do i sit patiently waiting.. How do I move..

3 comments posted: Friday, February 21st, 2025