SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

hi everyone - my WS and I have been in IC and marriage therapy for 3 months. D-Day was Aug 24. WS has never been emotionally expressive - this has made the journey of reconciliation so much harder for me because I am finding myself feeling so needy for affirmation. At this point, one huge barrier for our coming closer together is STD testing for WS. At least if we could have some intimacy it could help up bridge this huge divide.

Has anyone else experienced this on WS side. I have found some in home test kits from Everlywell, Quest and others - however I have not told WS as I feel he should make the arrangements and if I can find the tests online - cant he do the same. We have had no intimacy since before D-Day and I wont take the chance of intimacy without an STD panel on WS. I have already had one - through my primary care provider.

I have other health issues so I am not going to take the chance of forgoing this. Unfortunately I have so many friends (6) who have also experienced infidelity in their marriages (is anyone's marriage immune) and 2 friends contracted 1 STD, one friend contracted 2 STDs.

Also ladies, there is no test for HPV for men, only for women - so it isnt any good for you unless you already contracted. How is that even possible.? Does anyone know of one?

Has anyone else experienced WS dragging their feet on this issue?. How did you overcome it or nudge it along?

Any advice, kind words etc are welcome.

Am I understanding correctly that your WS won’t get STD testing? Are you kidding?

That really seems like the bare minimum for R. I mean, do you want to R with someone who will not do simple medical tests that to ensure that no deadly diseases are being passed to his BS?

I had HPV and then got an aggressive case of cervical cancer (not from my WS, but from someone along the way). It was aggressive enough they thought I might have an immune issue like AIDS. It took away my ability to have children. STDs are not a joke.

What does your IC say when you discuss is with them? What reason does your WS spouse give?

I haven't experienced that, per se, but my ww did drag her feet on a lot of other shit.

Course, I was pretty passive-aggressive when I didn't get an immediate response to what I felt was a legitimate request.

In your shoes, I'd probably have ordered a dart board of the ap face and with a cursive insult above the picture. Something like 'clap trap' or 'aids dispenser'.

Or a box of disinfectant wipes besides the toilet with a post-it note that read 'please wipe down toilet seat when finished to prevent spread of syphilis'.

Your wh gets annoyed at something and your reaction is 'oh, honey, is your herpes flaring again?'

Obviously wouldn't be the healthiest reaction lol, but...

Heh, this is kinda fun. Pranks to insinuate possible std/sti and induce fear of it.

My WH had reluctance in the beginning - because he just couldn't believe that his also married LTAP would have transmitted something like that [insert gigantic eye roll here].

I got tested right away, and told him that he needed to as well. I held my ground and...he reluctantly got tested. I went for every follow up. Same on subsequent DDays.

As the HB bug hit me pretty hard [pun not intended but funny] that testing was very important. I simply told him that I couldn't act on it with him unless that testing was done. I would, however, buy myself a super industrial strength apparatus. He got and did the tests.

Heh, this is kinda fun. Pranks to insinuate possible std/sti and induce fear of it.

Ummm... there's a statistical likelihood that we have betrayed spouses on the site who are HIV positive, HSV positive, or in general have been exposed to STIs, whether via the affair or just because most people have sexual experiences with other partners prior to marriage. I don't think we want to go down the path of stigmatizing infection itself (as opposed to cheating behavior) as "dirty."

I don't think we want to go down the path of stigmatizing infection itself (as opposed to cheating behavior) as "dirty."

Ah, can see how I might have come across insensitive to that. Didn't mean it that way.

More, just thinking of ways to fuck with someone is fun to me.

Sorry if I came across as callous to anyone afflicted.

❤️