SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Feeling a bit salty today so I will air my dirty laundry on this message board and welcome your comments

The story is so long so I will try and keep it short. The 1200 I spent on an investigator was the best investment I have made!! After discovering that my husband was stopping at a porn both arcade with an adult theater also about three times per week; I hired an investigator to get some footage of him visiting the establishment.

About a month later I confronted my husband about it and he said that he just stopped there to watch porn. Of course he blamed this on me and was such a coward about it. I continued to investigate on my own and discovered that he contacted around 40 escorts over about a six month period of time and also admits to visiting one massage parlor receiving a hand job but I have no doubt it was more. He claims to have never followed through with any of the escorts, but I highly doubt that also. We have been married for nine years and he admits to stopping at the arcade for 7 years although I believe that is BS too.

It was a very devastating trickle effect of information as I learned and discovered more and more over a couple month period of time and no doubt really there is probably more that I don't know about but I will no longer be wasting my time trying to figure out how liars operate and what they cover up. I filed for separation and am going to therapy with him but really do not see a future as he just operates in a deceptive manner and doesn't seem to get the concept of respect or transparency.

I took a look at his liked videos on TikTok and just recently he liked a bunch of bikini, bouncing boob girl videos, which may be normal for some or many guys but in light of what has happened and him saying he is interested in repairing the relationship I find it completely disrespectful and not appropriate considering the circumstances.

Add my trophy to the list of 55-year-old pigs fantasizing and trying to hook up with 20-year-olds!

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this Whenyouknow. Good for you for deciding that you are worth so much more than this, because you absolutely are.

Sounds like you have a good grip on what you're dealing with. I'm sorry you're going through this. These are choices he made that had nothing to do with you. You deserve more than a lying cheater.

Take care of yourself and reach out for help when you need it.

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. It sounds like you have a good handle on yourself and the situation, but take care of yourself. Be very deliberate about prioritizing your health and well being.

Welcome to SI and so sorry that you've had to join us. There are some pinned posts at the top of the JFO (Just Found Out) forum that you may find helpful. Also, the Healing Library is a great resource - and it includes the list of acronyms we use.

Unfortunately, cheaters lie and lie, then lie some more. I doubt that this has been only within the last 7 years, and doubtful he didn't follow through with the escorts. Please both get checked for STDs/STIs because you don't want to find out that you've picked up something that could turn to cancer later. (It has happened.)

Please take care of yourself because infidelity is the worst. If you can, IC (Individual Counseling) with a betrayal trauma specialist can really be helpful.

He needs IC to work on his whys, and this can take awhile. He didn't make a mistake - he made deliberate, conscious decisions to betray you. For any excuse he has, it's really an excuse. If he wasn't happy in the M, he could have divorced first and then moved on.

How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair by Linda MacDonald is a very good reference that your WH (wayward husband) should read. Also, Not Just Friends by Dr. Shirley Glass is a good resource.

Frankly, if he's ignoring you about liking bounce houses on TikTok, he may not be fully invested in doing the work to become a safe partner. It's a lot of work and it is tough.

Keep posting and let us know what you need.