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Today has been hard. It feels like most years just pass by but then this year for some reason knocked the wind out of me. Time does heal wounds. We're definitely in a good place and have been for the last 12 years. The mind does play tricks though. I don't check WH emails, social media accts or texts. Those were the hardest to quit doing. I guess I still feel guarded because the last time the rug got pulled from beneath me. Marriage counseling was hard and WH talking about OW was harder to hear. Reconnecting with WH in an intimate way took longer than I thought due to MC. I'm so emotional because it really changed me. I don't even remember the old me before DD. And then today I woke up and thought to myself, who am I?

I'm actually really good at letting go of people and objects, things that don't matter anymore. And to be honest I haven't looked back on this time in almost 5 years. (triggered by Mothers divorce) I had to update my profile today because the last time I was here, I was 47. I'm sure once the date passes, I'll be fine. WH has never spoken to me about it post MC. We moved to another state and started our lives over. I truly believe that was the biggest relief to us both and we needed it. It made our marriage stronger. We've become best friends and love each other's company. We started date nights when we moved. It's so much easier to look at the good times. Hopefully this little black cloud moves out and allows the sun to shine through today.

~ToughasNails~

DD 9/25/2008

RD 9/28/2008

[This message edited by toughasnails at 5:51 PM, Thursday, September 21st]

Funny how sometimes it can just come out of nowhere and bite you. Sending you wishes for peace and hoping that it's just a single hard day.

And then today I woke up and thought to myself, who am I?

Those days do SUCK . I hope you felt a little bit of sunshine today though .

We are only 9 years out from Dday...but I recently had a moment like what you are describing. I remembered something I learned a while back...that our THOUGHTS dictate our FEELINGS. A trigger happened...and my thoughts went toward the rabbit hole...and my feelings were following along. Thankfully I was able to change my mindset...by changing my thoughts . After that...the happy feelings came back too!

Sometimes though...we just need to grieve. And that is absolutely OK (((HUGS))). You've been on this emotional rollercoaster long enough to KNOW that it won't last forever. Knowledge is POWER Dear Lady...and you will get that power BACK !!

Here's to a much brighter tomorrow!!

I find that one gets emotional because there is something that crosses your mind. And feelings come out.

To me it sounds like nostalgia. Like a yearning to return to all that was innocent, the old you.

Not that you want to return there, as it is just a feeling.

If I may, I am about 15 years your senior. I find that nostalgia is becoming more frequent with age. My life horizon is getting closer. And I tend to look back at my life and reflect or it hits me.

My mother’s recent passing triggered nostalgia and it’s intensity and frequency surprised me.

Then it’s up to us to put things into perspective.

I can say that for myself, the passing of my mum changed me. She was 99 years old. My rock.

My husband’s infidelities pale in comparison to her passing.

However, sometimes it's a good idea to see the black cloud and know that it too shall pass.

I admire your resilience and courage.