SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi everyone,

I'm sorry everyone's here! I have filed for divorce in Connecticut where my husband is living and he met the residency requirements.

Have any of you been through divorce in CT with no children involved? Our kids are grown. I was curious if you received alimony, and if so, how much, if you don't mind me asking? Did your spouse cheat on you and the judge took that into consideration in the alimony decision?

Apparently, each judge is different as far as awarding alimony or not, and if so, how much is completely up to judge's discretion. There is no formula like there would be with child support.

He makes $200,000+/year and I make less than $40,000 so not near enough to support myself by myself. Ugh.

He had a three-month-long filthy affair, planning a new life with her, etc., spoiling her rotten with money we did not have. The affair is only over because I found out when he sent me a text meant for her by mistake. I contacted her, not to have a fight - I'm not fighting for someone who would do that. But just to let her know he would not be buying her the Jeep she kept asking for, nor any of the houses they were talking about buying together because without my knowledge, he spent every single penny, literally, that we had on a failed business. Not only did he spend our life savings, but ruined his credit when his business failed. He wouldn't give up his fancy, expensive cars and told her he had all this money, which was a lie. She had a great response to me, hates him, and dumped him in a group text with me on it - haha. We even became friendly for a few months.
He, of course, had told her he was divorced while he sent me good morning, I love you texts each weekday morning.

Anyway, curious about what alimony you were awarded, if any, and if the judge took cheating into consideration or not. I know they CAN, just curious of the experience of those who have actually gone through a divorce in CT in my situation and the result. If you don't fee free posting, please message me. Thank you! Melissa

Sorry you are here. We had a poster last year that divorced in CT, but he hasn't been active lately. If it gets to the point that the judge is deciding, the only people winning are the attorneys. Up until going to trial, whatever the two parties can agree on is what usually is enforced. Separation agreements are negiotiations. You can request a higher % in assets or more retirement or even keeping the house in leau of higher alimony. You can give up more in some areas to increase your share in others. Personally I'd shoot for more cash and assets up front and less of the liability than ongoing alimony with his history. Going to trial can be a crap shoot. You attorney should have some idea what the typical award is. Using an online calcuator with your numbers over 20 years of marriage comes up with 4.3k a month. Legal advice with someone experienced in the family court in which you have filed will give you a more accurate.

Thanks so much. I have a really good attorney I feel comfortable with and has explained all of that. It was amazing the different outcomes predicted by the seven supposedly experienced divorce attorneys in his area. Some predicted $3K a month, and one predicted nothing, really. It just all depends on the judge. So I am happy with my attorney. Just curious what folks who have actually gone through the CT process ended up with.

You are SO right the only winners are the attorneys. I tried explaining that to him over and over again to try to get him to settle, and he just won't. He thinks since he makes more, then I deserve nothing. I've worked in the legal field all my life, so I know the only winners are the attorneys and tried explaining that to him, but he's a know-it-all and controlling and in total denial. Ugh.

Unfortunately unless there is a legally defined process it all comes down to hit or miss. Even when the formula is well defined, some judges rule otherwise. Just ask Barcher144. Him and his ex also funded a few years in college for their attorney's kids. One of the attorneys my ex worked for handled all the insurance cases in our state for judges, so I can tell you that some judges don't know the law very well or plain just dont care.

With your Ex, you would be better off with one time asset transfers than getting him to pay you monthly anyway. Like taking a larger chunk of his retirement funds or funds from the sale of the house rather than 36k a year in alimony. He is likely coming up on retirement age, voluntary or not, which will curtail his ability to pay.

Unfortunately unless there is a legally defined process it all comes down to hit or miss. Even when the formula is well defined, some judges rule otherwise. Just ask Barcher144.

I can confirm that according to my attorney... the district court made a terrible error and should not have awarded my ex any alimony. Going a step further, we appealed the decision, but the appellate court disagreed with us and they affirmed the judge's original decision. I can tell you that the lawyer who hosted the mediation session for the appeal agreed with my attorney. I can also tell you that the lawyer who hosted a more recent mediation session (last week) commented that I should have won my appeal.

The best way to interpret all of this is... it's always better to settle if you can. You can control the decision to some extent by settling.

Him and his ex also funded a few years in college for their attorney's kids.

I don't know how much money we spent on lawyer bills but this is true (I am guessing that we spent > $50,000 between the two of us). The problem, I would argue, is that my xWW and her attorney took a couple of ridiculous positions according to the laws in my State and they refused to budge on them. So, even with the erroneous decision to award my ex alimony at trial, it was still a good financial decision for me to go to trial. The judge's ruling reduced the total payments to my xWW by about $1000 per month. She also wanted those payments forever and the judge awarded her only 7 years or something like that.

According to what I have heard, only 5% of divorces go to trial so I don't think that you have a lot to worry about. In order to get to trial, you will need some combination of a crazy spouse (you or your STBX) and a crazy attorney. Most people can do math and most people can understand laws and statutes enough to know that they are better off settling. My xWW just happens to not be one of those people and she happened to be someone who retained an unscrupulous attorney who is more than happy to convince her client to spend > $30,000 on a divorce.

My general advice is: (1) retain a good attorney, one that you trust, (2) shut up and listen to your attorney, and (3) if you don't like your attorney, go find a new attorney and have your new attorney fire your old attorney... and then shut up and listen to your new attorney.