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Dd and i headed down to the city yesterday for her yearly endocrine appointment. The 6 month one was done via a zoom meeting but this time they needed to do bloodwork so it was in person.

We are nearing the end of her growth hormone treatment. Her growth has slowed down. Shes made it to 4 feet 9 inches tall. Shes now a whole 80 lbs.

According to Transport Canada shes officially allowed to ride in the front seat if a vehicle. Shes so happy about that.

She is NOT happy that she may not grow any more. Maybe another 2 cm. Thats what the doctor thinks. She is just barely on the growth chart. And with her growth tapering off there's a chance she won't stay on it.

We have to wait for her bloodwork to come back to see if we can increase her GHT. If we can we will give it another 6 months.

Dd was given the option to stop now. She didnt want to. She wants every last bit to get taller.

She was talkative on the way down there. Didn't say much coming home.
Started sniffling. I knew she was upset but she wouldn't talk about it.

She didn't sleep well so today i kept her home. The school seemed ok with it.

I dont know what to do for my kid. She was always looking ahead to the therapy making her taller and it has done an amazing job from when she started. Its just not the end result SHE was hoping for, even with being told it has limits. Genetics plays a huge roll and thats just something you cant fight.

Shes also angry we didn't start sooner.

Part of me feels i failed her but i know we did what we felt was best at the time under doctors advice.

Im worried she will become depressed. Trying so hard to make sure she is ok while dealing with the other kids issues. I feel wiped out. And that drive yesterday was HELL!!! Hell!!!

Any advice on how to help dd accept herself as she is?

Dragn, I've ready many of your posts over the years and one thing that has always jumped out at me is you always advocate for your kids medical care. You always educate yourself regarding your kids needs and are a strong advocate for them.

I live in a rural area but in fifteen minutes I can drive, including parking, and have access to just about any specialty I need. I can't imagine adding those long drives you have to do onto already stressful, long days. You always do it and you are always there for your kids.

Your DD is at a difficult age so I'm sure this hit her hard. The best thing you can do for her is continue to be the loving and supportive mom you are.

The best thing you can do for her is continue to be the loving and supportive mom you are.

Im trying. Ill admit though there are days i throw up my hands and scream because this same child tests my very last nerve. Typical teen crap but dammit, was i really THIS BAD!?! LOL

I tried to get her to come snuggle in my room and watch a movie. NO.

She said she was missing a lot of school so i told her to log into her Google classroom and do what she could. NO

She said she was hungry but didn't know what to eat. I gave her suggestions. She didn't want to make any if it although the deli meats were out on the counter so maybe she made a sandwich.

I made us both a hot chocolate with mini marshmallows. She came out for that lol

I can't imagine adding those long drives you have to do onto already stressful, long days.

Yeah thats one crappy thing about living this far North. While we had snow yesterday up here there was nothing in the city. Actually there is this invisible line once you pass it the weather is totally different lol. I was happy that the roads were good down there BUT the idiots were not in short supply. Witnessed one accident, two vehicles in front of me just missed hitting a cop who had a truck stopped ON THE DAMN ON RAMP TO THE HIGHWAY WITH NO FUCKING WARNING COMING AROUND THE BEND... had three more near misses from people weaving in and out of traffic. The 400 series highways are death traps i swear.

The route home was equally as screwed up. Many of the city streets have no right or left turns during certain times of the day. I have been down there enough to know the most direct route back to the highway but i listened to my phones GPS which must have heard me cursing on the highway. It took me the LONG way through city streets way further north and i ended up back on one highway just in time to make the exit to the northbound route.

I am a very direct route driver. I always take the same routes so this set off my anxiety. I can make it from my house to my parents house an hour away making only 5 turns.

I thought i would be smart and get off the highway at the side road route and then take the back roads home just because i was so flustered. Nope got off on the wrong exit and had to get back on and go five more exits north. Geez what a day.

Dd will go to school tomorrow. I have a meeting with DS pediatrician tomorrow. Yes another shitty drive, just not as far. Yay me lol

I need a mental health week, month?!!!

Dd is better today, went to school.

I headed down to see the pediatrician about DS academic testing. He is no where near grade level and despite having an amazing report card this term, hes still so far behind. Doctor has recommended special psycho-educational testing to pin point his learning disability. This is the testing the school asked my permission for DD. Not sure when she will go for it but they have all the paperwork from me.

Ds also has characteristics of oppositional defiance disorder. The more i read about it the more im not 100% sure. He has some but not all. I think hes just more frustrated at things than angry. His teacher messaged me with an amazing positive story of ds helping another student and showing empathy and caring.

In any case i am struggling to make sure each kid has everything they need, all the correct appointments, all the paperwork done. Omg i feel overwhelmed. I have asked this pediatrician to also see Big D as he isnt gaining weight at all and his running is so off. He gets OT, i just got the school report today. So glad they can see him in school now. I need to get a referral from our GP to see the pediatrician.

Little M will get her academic testing in February. Her report card was amazing and i have parent teacher meetings tomorrow and im excited to talk with her teacher.

I just feel like I'm failing these kids. The doctor did say that my routines and schedules are all good things and he thinks DS especially needs structure. I just wonder if ive been to harsh at times. Or not harsh enough....so confusing this thing called parenting.