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I just caught my husband in a 3 some with my neighbors. I walked in and caught them and I took pictures and ran out of the house. I can still hear his voice talking sexually to her. I can’t sleep I keep reliving and looking at the videos of them. I’m sick to my stomach

Sorry you witnessed that.

So sorry for your pain and shock.

Can you stay somewhere else tonight. It is best to not be confrontational in such a greatly heated state?

Backup your evidence and make sure to have copies in the possession of someone you trust. This is to prevent your husband from deleting it.

I wish you luck and am sorry for your pain. Look after yourself.

You have been heard and someone more knowledgeable will soon give you much more consequential and pertinent advice.

Very sorry you witnessed this. Are you someplace safe? Do you have family or friends to stay with as you process the shock of the betrayal? Take care of you.

[This message edited by fareast at 2:25 PM, June 23rd (Wednesday)]

Oh damn. I'm so sorry!

Gdam !!! I hope you are safe. Is there more of a backstory here? Have you had problems before that put you on high alert? Hugs for now. Find your support group be it friends,family, therapy or otherwise. You have the kind of stuff that puts a person into a tailspin.Might be wise to have a couple of people around you you can trust while you work through this. Right now if I correct you are in a very vulnerable state and shouldn't be left alone with this. Click on the healing library and read up on how your husband is going to react. It will help arm you with some of the psychological things cheating spouses say and do after you find out and they are confronted with it.

I am so sorry Scarred2. Horrific scene to witness.

Make copies of the photos and store in a safe place.

Do you have someone to talk to close by?

I don't blame you for not being able to get this out of your mind. You're still in the shock and fog phase of being cheated on, and your mind is having trouble processing.

I'm very sorry you had to see that, but I do commend you for thinking quickly. A couple of questions: did they hear or see you? You say you took pictures-- did the SEE you take pictures of them? If they did I strongly recommend that you, right now, go somewhere like the nearest public library with PC stations and email yourself the pictures. THEN, create a new Google account your husband could never guess the name of in a million years. Google accounts come with Google Drives. Upload the files to that Google Drive.

Make double sure the password to that google drive is something he'd never guess randomly-- no birthdays, no favorite pets, no housenumbers, nothing obvious. Memorize the password. At this point you have a digital backup of the file that is safe from both him and them.

Next, make an appointment to get checked for STIs and STDs. They're your neighbors, but that doesn't mean you trust them to have had safe sex. Your hubs has basically shared someone's sexual health without consulting you about it.

Next step, while you are still out, is to call a really good divorce lawyer (or three). NOBODY is saying "divorce" yet but you really need to be prepared for he next conversation you have with your husband. Don't make any long term decisions yet without thinking about the consequences for YOU and your family. You don't mention children, do you have any? This is a whole other tier of concerns.

Last thing, if you have access to counseling through your health plan or whatever, NOW is the time to book an appointment.

It will be stupid to say "relax, you got this" right now. Way too early to even let this sink in. You've been betrayed rather brazenly, and there's no magic wand for this feeling right now. My suggestion is breathe in, breathe out, and focus on those things you can control. It did happen-- you are in a different reality than what you woke up with today. It will take a while to adjust to this no matter what happens in the near future.

Best of luck, be strong and resolute in the days ahead, keep us updated. There are people here whose counsel I value that you should talk to.

This made me sick just thinking about the shock you must have endured. I'm so sorry.

This is akin to an act of domestic violence, so getting yourself away from him and to a place of safety is paramount.

Get tested for STD's immediately.

Do not engage in any sexual activity of any kind with your husband, no hysterical bonding.

I would recommend you cut him off completely for a day or two until you have gained your equilibrium. Allow an intermediary to communicate with him if necessary to leave you alone.

Set up an appointment with a divorce attorney so you can understand the process.

Invoke an immediate separation. It can be a therapeutic separation if you want, without having to spell everything out legally, although take your attorney's advice on this. I would recommend no less than 30 days apart.

Important: make sure you aren't giving up any property rights by not being in the house.

Expose this to your husband's parents, at a minimum. They don't need to see the pictures, just to know exactly what happened. This is to prevent your husband from spinning a false story to them about why you are separating.

As others have said, create backups of backups of your evidence.

Lastly please make an appointment as soon as possible with a betrayal trauma specialist in your geography. This particular specialty is very important. Betrayal trauma specialists know precisely how to help betrayed spouses handle the trauma of adultery.

[This message edited by Thumos at 5:00 PM, June 23rd (Wednesday)]

Do you have young children? If so, is there somewhere that you can take them and yourself temporarily?

Oh, Scarred2, I am so sorry this happened to you. My ex also committed sexual acts with a couple I thought were friends. This is an awful gut punch.

You have received good advice from previous posts. We are here for you. Please post often. Keep the forum updated and we will support you through this awful betrayal.