SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I am 47. My father is 81. I shouldn't be so emotional, but I am..

My father had successful cataract surgery in his right eye today. For the first time, my schedule meant I could take him. I am NOT a nurse. Medical stuff makes me squeamish. What I saw in a hospital gown who couldn't make it to the bathroom in time and wet himself was an old man....NOT my pillar-of-strength father.

I know older people have more serious surgery, but this event just GRABBED me and made me so damn sad.

My father is SUCH a GOOD man. Not just because he is my dad but because everyone in his path thinks so. He was born in 1932 - same year so many people are dying were born in most recently Casey Kasem. I am not a spring chicken either but this makes me SO sad!

This man was such a pillar of strength. The man my mom said had a secret "S" on his shirt. Why do people have to get old???? It is so unfair.

I understand exactly where you are coming from. My father is amost 80, and seeing him get old breaks my heart. I have always been a daddys girl. He came for my 18 year old daughters graduation a couple of weeks ago. It is always emotional when kids grow up and leave, but the worst part of it was that when he went to leave he said the next time he would be here for a graduation would be for my oldest son (who is 11). And it hit me that he could quite possibly not still be around then.

It is really hard seeing those that we love getting old, because it is hard seeing those who used to be so strong and independent losing that. But the fact that we realize this just means that we can spend all the time with them that we can and make our moments count!

(((Guinness)))

(((Guinness23)))

My mother died at 71 in July 2008. All this is trigger for me. I was with her when she died and saw how fraile and helpless she was at the end. These people were POWERHOUSE ROLE MODELS for me. I look in the mirror and see a middle aged broad with grey roots. I am not getting younger and I AM their youngest...but why did she have to die and he get old and incapacitated?

My dad had a minor car accident a couple of years ago. He was not hurt but his car was wedged into a spot that he could not get out without it being towed so he called me to come to the accident scene.

I remember walking up to his car and seeing an old man in the drivers seat. And it just about flattened me. That was the first time that I saw him as an old man, not my Daddy.

(((Guinness23))) I sure do get it.

seeing an old man in the drivers seat. And it just about flattened me. That was the first time that I saw him as an old man, not my Daddy.

^^^This. This flattened me, too....seeing an old man in hospital gown guided by nurses who could be his grandkids.

He was such a vibrant and good looking man. For YEARS, no one could guess his real age because he defied it naturally. In the last 2 years its been like the pic of Dorian Gray - it all caught up.

My dad is old. He is tired. He wets himself. BUT he STILL is MY dad who sacrificed so much on so little to provide for me and my sisters in Chicago.

He is a good man.

MY dad who sacrificed so much on so little to provide for me and my sisters in Chicago.

He is a good man.

It doesn't matter what kind of wonky stuff is going on with his body.....on the inside, he is still that same good man who sacrificed for you and your sisters. And your appreciation and love for him shine clearly in these posts.

your appreciation and love for him shine clearly in these posts

Thank you

There is a REALLY good chance I will be with him when he exits this world. To have that honor makes me numb and very sad. These two were two beautiful people who fell in love at the same company in 1961 and married in 1962 for better or for worse. My mother could be an absolute beatch some times, but my dad? My dad stood by her. What love?? What love that I have never known.

(((Guiness)))

I know exactly how you feel. In a few days, he will be better. Enjoy this time with him. He is still here for you to make memories.

I spend a lot of time with my Dad going through pictures and listening to stories. I wish I could remember every word.

((((Guinness))))

((((((((Guinness)))))))

There is this phase in your life where you think you have all the time in the world. And then one day it changes and you find yourself silently screaming for it all to slow down. Just desperate for it to stop, to stay the same, to go back. I just don't even know the answer to that honey. But I'm right there with you. I just need more time too.

There is this phase in your life where you think you have all the time in the world. And then one day it changes and you find yourself silently screaming for it all to slow down

OMG is this prophetic! It is SO true!

For me, the phase where I thought I had all the time in the world existed longer than most for 2 reasons:

1. I never had kids so I was a perpetual kid myself trapped at age 23 for 20 years.

2. My fathers family lives long. Maybe not quality life but they live long. My grandmother died at 91. Her sister died at 91. My grandfather died at 98. My greatgrandfather died at 106.

Life just coasts when you have two generations or more between you and death of natural causes.

BAM! Everybody seamed to die off at once and now my DAD and MOM were the old folk and I am now middle age!

My father is 81 and has a reasonably good chance of being with us for at least 10-15 years more. For THAT I am SO grateful. Through all my personal problems in the last 6 years, he has been the ONLY person I could trust for he is SUCH a simple good religious man.

What pains me is to see how old he looks.

15 hours out from his cataract surgery and he is able see like he hasn't before! I am so grateful to God for that. All went well despite my emotional trauma at this.

God love him!

2 a.m. in the morning, he is catching up on his crossword puzzles he couldn't do earlier in the day!

Awwwww, Guinness, it IS so hard.

My daughter (36 this fall) shudders when she remembers that her dad just turned 71 and Mum (me!) will be 67 soon. She's seeing the years advance even as I saw them with my parents and you see them with yours. It's the circle of life.

(((Guinness23)))

Oh honey, I totally get it! It really hits home - as my dad would have been just one year older than yours - he was born in 1931, he married my mom in 1962 also. ...and he LOVED his crossword puzzles! And he was also a very good man - would do anything for anyone and people who he only met once remembered him for years to come.

His 5th death anniversary is coming up. He died one day after my GS4's birth - June 26, 2009. He had colon cancer surgery that ruptured and he went into septic shock, was in ICU for 2.5 months...he "recovered" but was never the same - he lived for 4.5 years after that incident, but his health gradually declined, he could no longer walk or do the things he loved. I watched him struggle through rehab, he tried to get up on his own one morning and fell and broke his hip. He was in the hospital for one thing or another constantly. He gave up. I know this, and I do understand, but miss him very much. I was given a gift - he lived through the sepsis when the odds were totally against him...I got another 4.5 years with him and we would sit and talk for hours about everything under the sun!

Enjoy your dad's "golden" years with him as much as you are able (even though the "gold" is a little tarnished, it is still beautiful )...you will be so glad you did and will lessen some of that heartache.

Many hugs!!

I get it too! At 37, I'm already saying 'slow down'. My dad turned 75 this year. He was feeling down about it, I think. He's lived through so much. I can't even list all of the crap he has survived. He had a really dangerous job and I remember a few times being scared because he almost got killed.

I know he's sad, but I'm so grateful he made it this far. He's strong and healthy too. He looks much younger than his age.

You just reminded me to stop taking him for granted, so thank you for this post.

((((Guinness))))

It is so sad to see our parents with bodies that have slowed down as they are now instead of how we remember them as children.

I'm sorry. I hear you. It's just awful and yet it's life and we all have to deal with it.

You just reminded me to stop taking him for granted, so thank you for this post

I am SO glad. We all NEED to remember all our days are numbered.

Thank you all for participating in this.

I love my dad so much and am so damn glad I still have him

He is still here for you to make memories.

I spend a lot of time with my Dad going through pictures and listening to stories. I wish I could remember every word.

When the play "Phantom of the Opera" came out years ago, one song included is called "Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again" composed for Christine to sing about her dad. This song traumatized me. I had a nightmare once where my dad was dead and I woke up in sweats.

Yes. I am SO GLAD he is here to make new memories. I wish my mom was, too.

It is not like I cringe at getting old myself, but the transition of these powerhouse people into death that I object to.

My one sister who has been graced with 3 kids and has replaced my mother in the "mother role" with my dad to a degree, thinks I need to snap out of this emotional crap and embrace reality.