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Hopeishere008 (original poster new member #75738) posted at 8:11 PM on Monday, October 26th, 2020
It was November 17th 2018, i found out H was cheating on me. 10 days before I found out, I told my husband I was pregnant. We were planing to be a family 6 months before this all happened. He had a one time encounter and he was so guilty, he ended up in the psych ward in December. He has a history for alcholism and has been to rehab several times. I forgave him and we continued our relationship, but it has been hard. He drank during my pregnancy and became verbally agressive. I still stayed cuz he wanted to be with me so bad. His son was born. And we continued together. He gets easily irritated for the simplest things. And I hold resentment for what he put me through. All the emotions, the yelling the relapses, i stayed for my son. But I don’t feel anything for H anymore. He really chipped me away little by little. I see a therapist. And we did marriage counseling on and off. His last relapse he went to rehab and he was supose to continue therapy and aa . But he didn’t. I nagged him, I said it would be best for him to have supports he didn’t listen. Its off topic but the infidelity comes up mixed with all emotions. I am done with him.
Underserving ( member #72259) posted at 9:07 PM on Monday, October 26th, 2020
Infidelity in and of itself is an extremely thing difficult to get through. I can’t imagine the added grief of dealing with a wayward spouse who is an addict. You have to be one bad ass lady.
This forum is primarily for those wanting to reconcile. It seems you’ve realized that route is unlikely. You will get so much more support in the New Beginnings section. They’re really awesome over there at offering hope to those ready to D.
Best of luck!
ETA maybe the Divorce/Separation group would be better since you haven’t started the process yet
[This message edited by Underserving at 3:21 PM, October 26th (Monday)]
BW (32)Found out 3 years post end of AD-day 12-9-19In R
Infidelity brings out the cuss in me. I’m not as foul mouthed in real life. ;)
fareast ( Moderator #61555) posted at 9:55 PM on Monday, October 26th, 2020
Sorry you are going through this and ended here. But you will receive good support. I grew up with alcoholic parents. Strength to you. If you have not done so, check for All-anon meetings and other support groups near you and also IC. You have been subjected to emotional abuse and trauma. Sounds like you are set on D. You can post in the divorce/separation and will get great support. Good luck.
Never bother with things in your rearview mirror. Your best days are on the road in front of you.
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 7:59 AM on Tuesday, October 27th, 2020
May you and your child find peace and happiness.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
twicefooled ( member #42976) posted at 3:27 PM on Tuesday, October 27th, 2020
You've been heard.
I left my exh due to his addiction issues. I was willing to stick by him if he worked his sobriety, but he was not willing and then cheated on me (my final straw - I would put in the work if I was his one and only. Since I wasn't, I figured he could use his other women to help him out).
It's a really hard road. I just didn't have the mental capacity to take proper care of the children AND their dad. Children of addicts have their own special hurdles to overcome so I've chosen to help my children through their childhood and hope that all the therapy we've been in have given them the tools not to fall into addiction.
I don't know the right answer for you. But you cannot let him guilt you into staying if you feel that leaving is the best answer for you - he was an addict with you so you staying is NOT going to help him (despite what he tells you).
Big hugs.
May 29 2021 ***reclaimed myself and decided to delete my story with my ex because I'm now 7 years free from him and mentally healthier than I've been in years.
*********When you know better, you can do better*************
EmbraceTheChange ( member #43247) posted at 4:34 PM on Tuesday, October 27th, 2020
Benjamin Franklin said: "God helps those who help themselves". You can't do anything if he"s ok with his drinking and his cheating. You can be loyal and try to help him but all you"re doing is spinning your wheels and giving him more ammo to retaliate with your "nagging", him dragging his feet with the AA etc.
Save yourself and your son. Your husband doesn't want to be saved, he's fine with how he is. It's a terrible situation, I totally understand, but he's fine with it. If he wasn't, he would change.
Big hugs.
I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination
tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 4:45 PM on Tuesday, October 27th, 2020
Welcome Hope.
There is nothing wrong with being done w/ someone who has been verbally abusive, and cheated. Especially if they continue down the path of extremely self destructive behaviors as some point you have to save yourself and your child first.
You cannot make him do anything he is unwilling to do, and living w/ an alcoholic that is unwilling to get and stay sober is in itself an abusive situation, as they put that need above all else and create emotional neglect to the M, and their relationships.
It's ok to be done.
See an attorney, learn your rights, understand his obligations, and figure out what things will look like for you.
Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
fooled13years ( member #49028) posted at 5:16 PM on Tuesday, October 27th, 2020
Every layer added upon the issue of infidelity seems to make R 10x harder.
You cannot nag him into getting help. If he does not want to get help that is on him.
I removed myself from infidelity and am happy again.
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