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List of Acceptable Reasons for an Affair

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36yearsgone posted 10/16/2020 10:51 AM

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EllieKMAS posted 10/16/2020 11:32 AM

The only one that I can think of - and this is just taking 'affair' by it's literal dictionary definition of engaging in a romantic relationship outside of a marriage.

If a spouse was in an accident or what have you that left them in a vegetative state/coma with no hope of recovery and the surviving spouse stayed married to them to provide them with insurance/serve as medical/legal proxy; if the surviving spouse in that case dated someone else, then I would accept that. Technically that constitutes an 'affair' as they are still married, but this is the only exception that I wouldn't be bothered by personally.

deephurt posted 10/16/2020 11:37 AM

No circumstances. Should one spouse become incapacitated from accident or illness and an arrangement within the marriage be agreed upon then it would. It be an affair-it would be an arrangement and the only way I would consider that acceptable -prior arrangement or agreement to open the marriage to sex with others.

36yearsgone posted 10/16/2020 11:38 AM

If a spouse was in an accident or what have you that left them in a vegetative state/coma with no hope of recovery and the surviving spouse stayed married to them to provide them with insurance/serve as medical/legal proxy; if the surviving spouse in that case dated someone else, then I would accept that. Technically that constitutes an 'affair' as they are still married, but this is the only exception that I wouldn't be bothered by personally.

And if the spouse comes out of the vegetative state, awakes from the coma, sits up in bed and says "Hello, honey." What are you going to tell them about your affair?

EllieKMAS posted 10/16/2020 11:44 AM

And if the spouse comes out of the vegetative state, awakes from the coma, sits up in bed and says "Hello, honey." What are you going to tell them about your affair?
If a spouse was in an accident or what have you that left them in a vegetative state/coma with no hope of recovery
Notice I specifically put in there - WITH NO HOPE OF RECOVERY.

But playing along, by some miracle if they did wake up...

-If it was you - would you have wanted your wife to remain married to a comatose man for 10, 20, 30 years and never experience romantic love again? What kind of a marriage is that for a person?

Notthevictem posted 10/16/2020 11:49 AM

Should, and this is hypothetical now, an alien race of beings come to earth and threatened its destruction unless one specific married man or woman were handed to them for an arrangement that would constitute both an affair and new scientific boundaries, I could MAYBE see demanding that happen so that the rest of humanity lives on.

The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred.

[This message edited by Notthevictem at 11:50 AM, October 16th (Friday)]

EllieKMAS posted 10/16/2020 11:51 AM

OMG NTV - I'm dyin LOL

And totally heard the X-Files music in my head!

36yearsgone posted 10/16/2020 11:52 AM

-If it was you - would you have wanted your wife to remain married to a comatose man for 10, 20, 30 years and never experience romantic love again? What kind of a marriage is that for a person?

That's a reasonable question. We should take "'til death do us part" from all wedding vows. By the way, that is not meant to be a snarky comment.

Marriage is a lifetime commitment (at least for me). If the situation was reversed I would hope that I would take care of my spouse.

What if the spouse was not comatose? What if they had not provided romantic love for 10, 20, 30 years? Is an affair acceptable in that case? Divorce might be, but not an affair.


Notthevictem posted 10/16/2020 11:55 AM

What if the spouse was not comatose? What if they had not provided romantic love for 10, 20, 30 years? Is an affair acceptable in that case? Divorce might be, but not an affair
.

The difference being the vehicle of marriage is likely to have to remain intact so that insurance could cover the medical expenses of the comatose patient.

Lack of romantic love is cause for divorce imo, similarly legitimate prison sentence of an unacceptable amount of time.

Jehuretired posted 10/16/2020 11:59 AM

I believe "In sickness and in health" covers this.

The problem is that people no longer believe that it is an honorable thing to keep one's word. Promise? Big deal. Vow? Easily broken. Written, notarized statement? Hire a lawyer.

I have attended weddings recently, where the vows were "watered down". I am sure the expectations are as well. Strange times.

Notthevictem posted 10/16/2020 12:08 PM

Now that you mention it.... I really should've added 'unless aliens attack' to my vows... man, now I can only hope they don't want me.

EllieKMAS posted 10/16/2020 12:11 PM

That's a reasonable question. We should take "'til death do us part" from all wedding vows. By the way, that is not meant to be a snarky comment.

Marriage is a lifetime commitment (at least for me). If the situation was reversed I would hope that I would take care of my spouse.

What if the spouse was not comatose? What if they had not provided romantic love for 10, 20, 30 years? Is an affair acceptable in that case? Divorce might be, but not an affair.

I am positing in this extreme hypothetical that you stay married to make sure that your spouse IS taken care of as much as possible. So that you can make sure they remain covered under insurance. So that you can make sure that you have legal right to serve as their medical decision-maker and make those decisions in their best interest.

I'm with you - I don't make vows lightly and I stick by them even when faced with difficulty - hence why I am a betrayed spouse and not over on the wayward boards. I did stick by my word to forsake all others, even when he didn't. And even given that, I STILL stuck by it cus the vows I spoke on my wedding day mattered to me.

As for if a spouse wasn't comatose and didn't provide romantic love... yeah, divorce if romantic love is something you absolutely need from your spouse (some folks are fine without and if everyone's okay with the situation, fine). And affair wouldn't be acceptable in that case ever. And FWIW, that last one falls outside of this extreme hypothetical situation I outlined.

ETA:

Now that you mention it.... I really should've added 'unless aliens attack' to my vows... man, now I can only hope they don't want me.
Maybe this should be standard vow language going forward... I mean... 2020. You never can tell wtf is gonna happen next amIright?

[This message edited by EllieKMAS at 12:13 PM, October 16th (Friday)]

Notthevictem posted 10/16/2020 12:23 PM

Right!

How do I know aliens aren't responsible for covid? I mean really? Could be they're trying to soften us up! Social distancing reduces the real life social networks needed to fight their control of the internet.

It's a conspiracy!


Er... I mean I honor and obey my alien overlords. They're just awesome!

Idiotmcstupid posted 10/16/2020 12:27 PM

NTV- But what if the aliens were HOT?? Like, super duper hot?
Hmmm?
Does that change the dynamics of the "Close Encounter"?

Also, what if they destroyed the earth anyway, afterwards? Does that negate the original marriage vow negation?

Aliens are total homewreckers. I think SI should have a "No Aliens" stance regarding marriage.

Notthevictem posted 10/16/2020 12:30 PM

Don't you DARE talk bad about our BELOVED alien overlords!! (Seriously, they're listening, you could be targeted next)

They help make the world a better place!

Honestly, though, I'm not sure what the internal temperature has to do with the decision... and if they blew up the world anyway... well, til death do us part, right?

EllieKMAS posted 10/16/2020 12:32 PM

How do I know aliens aren't responsible for covid? I mean really? Could be they're trying to soften us up! Social distancing reduces the real life social networks needed to fight their control of the internet.
How do I know YOU aren't an alien?!? *nervously backs away from keyboard and puts on foil hat

But what if the aliens were HOT?? Like, super duper hot?
Well that's okay then

and if they blew up the world anyway... well, til death do us part, right?
A-HA! Now it becomes clear what that means...


36yearsgone posted 10/16/2020 12:38 PM

This is like herding cats.

Idiotmcstupid posted 10/16/2020 12:39 PM

You see, I already have my tinfoil cowboy hat firmly superglued to my head, so I am pretty much immune to the alien propaganda being dispersed by Big Alien and the government.
Here in my underground bunker I'm immune to covid, aliens, and cheaters. I also have a large supply of bean dip (just add water) and a malfunctioning ventilation system...

Notthevictem posted 10/16/2020 12:40 PM

NTV- But what if the aliens were HOT?? Like, super duper hot?

Ppffft. Honestly? Grading the value of our alien overlords based on their body temperatures?! It's like we're back living in the 2020s or something...

EllieKMAS posted 10/16/2020 12:40 PM

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