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Sucker punched, embarrassed & ashamed.

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KingofNothing posted 8/4/2020 16:33 PM

Forgot to post, WS spouse is upset with me for saying sheís having an affair and warned me through our friend to stop it if I know whatís good for me.🖕🖕🖕🖕

Aren't YOU the WS Spouse? I'm not understanding. Are you saying the POSOM is threatening you somehow? Have you documented ANY of this?

I hope your finances are safe now.

KingofNothing posted 8/4/2020 16:33 PM

Duplicate. CURSES!

[This message edited by KingofNothing at 4:34 PM, August 4th (Tuesday)]

Blindsided2425 posted 8/4/2020 16:51 PM

Iíve started a log, she is concerned with how she will be portrayed, sheís all about being a strong woman and doesnít want to be seen as a cheater.

survrus posted 8/4/2020 20:36 PM

Blindsided,

You wrote, What I canít seem to wrap my head around is the going from your my best friend to almost hatred and the villianizing of me in the relationship.

Because only if you cave and do not tell the truth can she write a perfect storyline for her next relationship. She does not want those photos on facebook of her and OM by the ocean drinking expensive cocktails smeared with scandal.

People like your WW are the greatest until you say no, make them look bad or of no use to them.

Your story reminded a bit of a woman who went to my Ws church awhile back. She had two kids by two husbands and married a third man and had two kids by him. She then was able to get the pastor of the church to help her with her divorce and make it look as if the pastor recommended it.

When we ran into her at a supermarket she was with another guy but not yet divorced and launched into an enormous explanation of how bad her ex was.

The fact is that the guy was responsible for his kids made good money and loved her.

Blindsided2425 posted 8/4/2020 20:47 PM

Iíd donít want the embarrassment of having to say she was having an affair. Rather just go on my merry way and move on.

baller20 posted 8/5/2020 03:29 AM

You need to go no contact with this abusive and exploitative person.

Read up on the idealization-devaluation-discard abuse cycle and learn to label manipulation tactics. I recommend these easy to read books:
- In Sheep's Clothing by George Simon
- Psychopath Free by Jackson MacKenzie

Bigger posted 8/5/2020 07:09 AM

Blindsided

In the mornings when you get out of bed and put on your clothes.
Do you put your swim-trunks over you pants, don a cape and a mask and then go fly to wherever the world needs to be saved?
Didnít think so. But it is something we men tend to think we should do. We should deal with and confront all evils that fall in our path. The big mistake we make however is not realizing where we should be walking. We donít NEED TO walk towards every problem we can find, and even when faced with a problem we can chose to side-step it.

Cross all the tís and dot all the Iís. Finish the divorce/separation agreement. Make sure her cards and debt are in her name, and your cards and debt is in your name. Make sure nothing legal binds you. Go over each and every online account with access to you card and close or change it. Random passwords. Remove all and everything that might make her have a need to contact you. Cut out any possible contact on social media. HeckÖ reconsider your relationships with friends that were her friends in the marriage. Put distance between you and your problem.

Remove HER as a feature of the path you walk. Make whatever she can do so insignificant you can sidestep it.

That includes YOU taking actions like not caring if sheís slipping into a motel or not.
If asked then tell people yes you two are divorced. Why? WellÖ she was having sex with other men. No more detail, no more input. HeckÖ if the one asking isnít significantly involved in your life then simply confirm you are divorced.
Hear her slandering you? Rise above that. Anyone that takes note of slander isnít worth your time anyway.
Share with true friends and those that matter.

Why does she hate you? WellÖ she needs to justify her actions. Hate is an easy emotion. Its easier to hate than to care. Using hate she can justify what took place.

Odonna posted 8/5/2020 09:46 AM

Dear Man,

You have gotten good advice I will not repeat, but one thing you said concerned me - that you now have to cut her kids out of your life. I gather the kids are teenagers now? If they value a relationship with you and want contact, I would encourage you to be warm and responsive to them. They are hurting a lot now and are probably perplexed by their mother's behavior and feeling untethered. There is a lot of pain in this entire situation and a lot of it will fall on them.

Best of luck to you.

Odonna

Blindsided2425 posted 8/5/2020 13:03 PM

She is now reneging on everything we agreed to on Friday to accept a house offer. Iíve contacted lawyers and I guess she will spend money she otherwise could have used to buy a new house on legal fees.

Lalagirl posted 8/5/2020 13:31 PM

She is now reneging on everything we agreed to on Friday to accept a house offer. Iíve contacted lawyers and I guess she will spend money she otherwise could have used to buy a new house on legal fees.

Sadly this is all too common - the WS cutting off their noses to spite their faces thinking they have the upper hand. So textbook.

Interview several attorneys so the pool is slim for her. Get a shark; I promise it will be well worth it in the long run.

Blindsided2425 posted 8/5/2020 23:19 PM

So her words....... ďIím not giving him one extra centĒ.
Accused me of texting AP from a unknown number, Didnít even know that was possible, but considering heís married and not the first wife or partner heís banged I doubt Iím top of the list of guys looking for him. Demanded an apology to him, didnít do anything so feel free to go to the authorities.
Basically fighting over 4K. Says she will not respond to any negotiations till she sees a lawyer on Monday. I know that every house she has looked at is gone and she is scrambling to afford a place. Iím renting
Was referred by a friend to a friend of his, who he said is. A shark, one of the top family lawyers in Toronto, have a consultation with her tomorrow. House sale will probably be put in escrow, Iíve got nothing to lose, my parents weíre going to put$5000 in a RESP for her kids until they found out about her cheating, they told me 2 days before she broke up. They said use that money for a lawyer and cut me a cheque
As they say in the Godfather, I guess we are going to the mattresses.

Newlifeisgreat posted 8/6/2020 00:20 AM

Can YOU file a complaint with HR that she is creating a hostile work place by threatening to file a trumped up complaint on you unless you give in to her demands, such as selling the house?

Nothing will happen, but now there is a paper trail at work that will go a long way in showing her threats and motives in any future complaint against you?

Good luck and stay strong

And get away from her as quickly as possible

Blindsided2425 posted 8/6/2020 00:56 AM

Not worth it based on legal advice, best case scenario the employer raises there hands and wants nothing to doo with it worst case itís a vexatious complaint. As Iím off work and been NC except through a third party, no point involving work. If she does Iím covered, this is from the lawyer the union uses. As long as I donít involve our issues at work he said itís best to let her file a baseless complaint, then he deals with it.
What kills me is is she wants an apology to her AP, I was going to be the bigger person, now I will go to his house and tell the wife. Iím obviously not the only person with a grievance towards him. Let his asshole pucker.
Iím single with no dependents, lawyers ultimately cost her not me. I can couch surf or get a cheap bachelor pad, she wants a house, why use your down payment to fight in court? Not logical or well thought out. But I guess whatever makes it easier to look in the mirror.

Buster123 posted 8/6/2020 01:27 AM

What kills me is is she wants an apology to her AP, I was going to be the bigger person, now I will go to his house and tell the wife.

Please tell me you DIDN'T CONSIDER apologizing to the AP, really !! come on brother, you've lost enough during this whole shit show, besides fighting for your fair share, try to keep your dignity, don't lose it in the process. You owe the AP NOTHING AT ALL !!!.

[This message edited by Buster123 at 1:29 AM, August 6th (Thursday)]

Blindsided2425 posted 8/6/2020 02:49 AM

I will never apologize to that POS, donít want to get nasty because of the kids. Gloves are off now, I will be going to his house and letting his wife know, itís a conscious choice to cheat, series of actions that take place, you donít slip and fall on his penis, lol she didnít spare my feelings, Iím not going to spare his. Old Viking saying.......donít ever think the reason I am peaceful is because I donít know how to be violent.

Westway posted 8/6/2020 12:26 PM

Take a male friend with you when you go to the house, both as a backup if the guy gets violent and as a witness.

But be prepared to have your butt hauled to jail if violence breaks out. Castle doctrine doesn't care why you are there or whether or not OM starts the fight. If the shit goes down, YOU go to jail regardless.

Blindsided2425 posted 8/6/2020 12:28 PM

Good point.

Blindsided2425 posted 8/6/2020 12:30 PM

Good point.

HalfTime2017 posted 8/6/2020 13:42 PM

Better yet, I'd track the POSOM's wife down. I wouldn't approach his house. Watch for his wife to leave and connect with her in the parking lot of a Starbucks or somewhere away from his house. Give her all of your proof and blow up his world.

I met the OBS at a Starbucks and provided her with all the proof that I had. IT was extremely difficult as she broke down in front of me

Westway posted 8/11/2020 09:53 AM

Blindsided2425 are you still around? How did the confrontation go?

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