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Sucker punched, embarrassed & ashamed.

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KingofNothing posted 8/3/2020 23:38 PM

Thanks brother. I have talked to a lawyer. Iím pretty solid, we make the same amount and she gets child support from the father. So I donít have to pay anything and she canít come after me for spousal. Iím switching the accounts tomorrow

So what is your CURRENT situation with her? If she has left the marriage and enforced separation, I assume you have no financial obligations to her children whatsoever. Just from what she have said already, she seems to have developed an irrational hatred of you (I agree with the bipolar idea). Are you saying she still has access to your bank account? What about your investments? Your retirement funds? If she isnít giving you reason to be concerned, nowís the time to get that way. Cancel joint cards, over the phone if need be. You canít have her control your life... any aspect of it, for another second. She wants out of the marriage? Fine, that means COMPLETELY OUT. Sheís on her own.

Blindsided2425 posted 8/4/2020 00:46 AM

I was devestated and asked for time to get my head wrapped around this. She badgered and bulldozed. The house has been sold. I put enough in to cover my half of the mortgage. We leased a nice SUV that I was stupid enough to put in my name. She has agreed to pay half the cost of paying off what is owing on it.
We have agreed not to come after each otherís pensions or ask for support. She keeps saying she wants closure and she will have that when we have sold the house.
I got no closure, I donít know how long it went on, or if she made contact or he did. Her story kept changing. Says theyíre just friends. I have lots of friends but i donít fuck any of them.
Worst part is I have to go NC and I raised those kids as my own, so I know that to maintain my mental health I have to cut contact with them.
I hope he is worth it, cause she has destroyed me

Buffer posted 8/4/2020 05:45 AM

Strength brother, how is your head? Messed up I am sure, but I am sure you heart is aching. You have done everything she wanted but have received no real answers. Try to keep your mind clear, talk with friends, expose her ways, take no shit. Post here to vent.
One day at a time
Buffer

[This message edited by Buffer at 5:48 AM, August 4th (Tuesday)]

The1stWife posted 8/4/2020 07:43 AM

Sheís only destroyed you if you allow yourself to be destroyed.

Yes she hurt you deeply and we all understand your pain and the consequences of her actions. I call it the emotional roller coaster. You will survive it. We all do. But itís a process.

Professional counseling can be a lifesaver during this time. Please consider it.

Blindsided2425 posted 8/4/2020 10:49 AM

I am seeking counselling, one day at a time, it is getting better, Iím more angry now than hurt. Approaching my family, who live out west, sheís only met them about 7 times was a huge wake up call. The hubris of her to seek validation for cheating from my family was stunning. She also was using my daughter whoís 21, to try and get info.

Westway posted 8/4/2020 11:34 AM

I'm sorry this happened to you man.

You know there are some people who don't see marriage as a long term commitment. They see marriage as disposable, and spouses as replaceable, so long as they get what they want from that spouse for the duration of the time they decide to stay married to them. Then once that person is no longer deemed useful to them, they throw that spouse away and find another.

This is the kind of person you hooked up with. I would bet you hard money she is lying her ass off as to why her last relationship ended. You should track down the kids' dad and hear his side of the story.

Blindsided2425 posted 8/4/2020 11:45 AM

Itís almost identical to what she said about him, right down to her and her mom saying she need counselling to stop picking the same type. She told me that she had to cheat to get out of a toxic situation. Iím far from perfect, but was a good stable father figure to her kids, who by the way still text me at least once a week asking about something.

Blindsided2425 posted 8/4/2020 11:59 AM

What I canít seem to wrap my head around is the going from your my best friend to almost hatred and the villianizing of me in the relationship.

Westway posted 8/4/2020 12:08 PM

Because it was never a true marriage. You married a parasite my friend, not a wife. This woman sees marriage as nothing more than a tool to service her needs at the moment. You no longer serve her needs. There was never any true love there. A person like her isn't capable of true love or commitment.

Westway posted 8/4/2020 12:09 PM

How many husbands did her mom have?

Blindsided2425 posted 8/4/2020 12:17 PM

2. The second one is the most brow beaten guy Iíve ever met.

EllieKMAS posted 8/4/2020 12:19 PM

I hope she gets herpes/COVID/gonorrhea/her ass gets bigger and her boobs fall off. I hope that doesnít make sound petty.....
Dude, I am rollin up on two years out from dday1, D was final last December, and I still hope he gets necrotizing faciitis of the dick Not petty at all!

You're gonna feel all the feels for a while, but I promise it does get better. Just keep your interactions with her as short and sweet as possible and save the venting/boob-falling-off stuff for close supportive friends. Just my 0.02.

Blindsided2425 posted 8/4/2020 12:27 PM

Iíve only told a few close friends, everyone else is just in shock, they thought we were great, no one saw it coming.
Iíve had no direct contact since July 18, when a couple who our good friends saw her going into a motel.
A close grounded friend is acting as a go between, she feels itís better for my safety that way. This woman is the most grounded, no bs type, and she is sick of my WS behaviour. She keeps trying to tell our friend about the ďsituationĒ as she calls it but friend wants nothing to do with it, she says when it crashes and burns she can then wash her hands, she wants know part of helping her after the way she has acted.

Blindsided2425 posted 8/4/2020 12:29 PM

Forgot to post, WS spouse is upset with me for saying sheís having an affair and warned me through our friend to stop it if I know whatís good for me.🖕🖕🖕🖕

The1stWife posted 8/4/2020 14:36 PM

Well sheís a real prize isnít she? Sheís upset you are saying sheís having an affair.

Maybe you should ask her what word is acceptable to her to describe her behavior with the OM?!!

Blindsided2425 posted 8/4/2020 15:46 PM

Sheís a peach, very very concerned with how people see her, drives her nuts if someone doesnít find her cute, bubbly and funny.
Keeps threatening a workplace harassment complaint if I tell anyone at work. She knows it would destroy her narrative of just ending it because ďIím ď the bad guy.

Kaliber posted 8/4/2020 16:05 PM

Blindsided2425, what's you plan?
She seems very evil trying to destroy your character, are you concerned about that?

If yes, can you hire a PI and get evidence on her affairs so you can set the picture right?

[This message edited by Kaliber at 4:06 PM, August 4th (Tuesday)]

The1stWife posted 8/4/2020 16:06 PM

Document her threats and take them to Work and let them know she is threatening you.

Maybe you need to see a lawyer to protect yourself too.

Blindsided2425 posted 8/4/2020 16:18 PM

She is being incredibly mean, not her usual character. Most of her threats are baseless. Is that she got what she wanted the house sale sheís happy. I have been I touch with my Union President. He suggested sitting on it and see if she calms down, said itís a womanís world and will be an uphill battle with HR, theyíre are entirely female staffed.
She did make the mistake of telling him she would file on me if I didnít sell the house and was monitoring spending out of acct. said I was bullying her by eating out so much. Iím house sitting across the road from a small pub, cheaper to just eat there than buying groceries, not that I had much appetite.
The Prez told her that by threatening to file a complaint he would be called as a witness against her. She didnít like it but I think got the hint.

fareast posted 8/4/2020 16:20 PM

Blindsided2425:

Sorry you are going through this. Do everything you can to protect yourself. I know your head is spinning with the deception. Take care of you. I was thinking about your journey today and then Westway stated my thoughts much better than I. Your WW is a user. She manipulated and lied to get what she wanted out of you, and then, when it suits her pleasure, she is done and moved on to the next poor guy. Westway nailed it in his last few posts. Sorry you got taken in by this fraud. But the sooner you get out of denial the better. Good luck.

[This message edited by fareast at 4:27 PM, August 4th (Tuesday)]

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