This is a long and embarrassing story that I should’ve seen coming so please bare with me.
Thought I had met the woman of my dreams, I’m 52 she’s 40, best of friends at work and in life. Been to get her 9 years. She was coming out of a bad marriage or so I thought. Said no one would want a single mom of 2 little kids. Told her I would. Then we were off on a whirlwind romance and relationship. Moved in together after 3 years, moved 3 years later to the house of our dreams.
She came out to me as bisexual and we dipped our toes into swinging, but I never got much out of it, only lasted a few months. Did meet one couple that we became very good platonic friends with.
She suffers from depression, anxiety and ADHD. She also has phases of manic episodes where she becomes obsessed with something, ie restoring old furniture, this usually lasts a few months then subsides when she crashes and gets depressed, but she is not diagnosed as bi polar.
She is and was the love of my life, we had a great pro so I thought relationship, envy of work colleagues and our social circle. Everyone loves her, very outgoing and life of the party.
Helped raise her 2 kids as if they were mine, her son I’m sure is ODD, his is violent, out of control and only fights we had were about him, I wanted to get him help, but she refused. I treated the kids as my own and never referred to them as step kids.
Fast forward to October 2019, She approached me about spicing things up, I assumed another female, but she felt for her own self image, since she had gained a little weight, a three way with another guy, so it could just be about her. I was very hesitant and did not feel comfortable doing it. She’s always been a person who bulldozes until she gets her way. I never denied her anything. She always got whatever she wanted, in fact spent like a drunken sailor, says it made her fill a void.
I finally agreed and she found a site and we chose a guy, she told me that our relationship was rock solid and this was all about us and spicing things up, we had an encounter but to me it was just mindless fun.
She became obsessed with doing it all the time and wanted to have him over every weekend.
I had a conference in Vegas and the Monday I returned had to be in Port Severn for another week on training. She kept wanting to set up a time with him. I kept saying no.
Finally in November after a fight where she said I was being old and selfish I agreed once more. It was one of the worst nights of my life, it was as if I didn’t matter to her, and our sex life had always been incredible.
We had a huge drunken fight that night and I accidentally pushed the bathroom door when she tried to close it, she said that was her breaking point.
A week later she tells me she not sure about us anymore and wants time. I suggest counselling and she agreed.
A few days before counseling snooped her phone while she was in the shower And to my horror I found graphic pictures and video of at least 2 encounters both while was away on training. Confronted her and she said it wasn’t cheating as I agreed we could spice things up. Counselling didn’t seem to work, made her delete his info bIt found a email from her to a new acct that had his info. She said it was just in case we didn’t work out.
Worst Christmas of my life, I was depressed, anxious and just lost. Lo and behold on Christmas Day right after dinner she took my hand and told me I was her best friend and love of her life and that we were going to work this out and be stronger. One more counselling session and we were back to our old selfs.
Things were going great, COVID seemed to strengthen us, I put it behind me and we were making plans to build a new deck, get a hot tub, second car and renew our mortgage.
Cards for Valentine’s Day go to a beautiful sweet card with sentimental message.
Birthdays in may, bought her a Apple Watch she got me a iPad , had a few friends and a big spread of ribs and margaritas for. Mine, all was good I was content once again, making plans for our future.
Second week of June she starts acting weird and became distant. A few months before she took a 11:30-7:30 shift to make sure someone was always with the kids so they spent the least amount of time alone.
I would see her everyday at work and she seemed so happy till June
She wouldn’t talk to me, retreated and stonewalled me. She was obsessed with her weight and would walk everywhere to keep in shape.
June 19 I walked to work about 5 Kim’s to meet her, no kids for the weekend and I thought we’d start it off with a walk which we used to do all the time before June ..told her we neede to talk and get things back on track, have a romantic night and enjoy the hot weather. She then told me that she loved me but wasn’t in love with me. The relationship was toxic and she was done.I asked her if there was anyone else and she said no.
The next few weeks sucked we had holidays but all our plans were cancelled. I asked her numerous times to work it out, a afire nd approached her and said slow down but she kept saying it was over she had to move on. Asked multiple times that as her friend she owed it to me if there was some else.
July fourth I came home and she was on the deck with her back to me, I could see the number of the guy from October
Confronted her and she admitted he contacted her but that was it. After a argument she admitted she’d been meeting him before work, unprotected sex and a pandemic, mother of the year. Would not seek counselling and since she broke up with me even though we were in the same house it wasn’t cheating.
I caused her to do this, has totally rewritten our relationship to it now being toxic, I’m emotionally abusive, drink to much, mean to her kids (who I took care when she was at work and drove to their fathers every weekend).
Threatened to file a complaint at work about feeling unsafe, would call the cops at first derogatory comment etc if I didn’t sell.
Finally caved and agreed to sell. It sold in one day and now I’m crushed and devastated.
Embarrassed and ashamed of agreeing to a three way, it destroyed our marriage. What’s worse is we were such good friends and she has vilified me to her family and some friends. Now I have to see her every day and it breaks my heart.
I am doing better, taking care of myself, cut out alcohol, sugar and in the best shape since my 30’s. I have gone NC for a few weeks. We used a a good friend as sort of a mediator. But even she is fed up with her behaviour, she keeps trying to say it’s not what it looks like but our friend doesn’t want to hear it as it isn’t her story.