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Feels like ground hog day

poisonweb posted 1/5/2020 10:16 AM

Original DDay 30/12 as mentioned before answered all questions etc.
Well on 3/1 he tells me he actually spent 2 nights (not consecutively) with her,is so sorry blah blah blah.Said he had definitely told me everything and had deleted her number.Showed me his phone contacts no one on there that I didnít know (or so I thought).begging for me to try and work things out.i didnít say much as we were at DD#3ís place as one of our granddaughters birthday is the 4th.
The day of the 4th was ok.No arguing etc then went to son #2ís place for the night to spend time with one of our grandsons.
He tells me she messaged him that day to say that she had met someone and was moving on,and that he deleted the message.Alarm bells started ringing again.He got drunk,he usually sleeps on his phone but that night it was in his pocket,so I took it and looked threw it.In his screen shotpics was a screen shot of her number.So I typed her number into the contacts search list and he had her number on there under a friends name.I deleted both the screen shot and number.He was really angry that I took his phone and went through it.He didnít know I had written the OW number down.
So I called her,Iím so glad I did she told me everything,and boy is it a head spinner.
Everything he had told me was a lie.they met on a dating website.they have been seeing each other since the end of October.they spent 4 nights together in total and went on lots of lunch dates.he spent her birthday night with her and also Christmas night.most of our children are adults but we have a son who is 7.he bought home Christmas chocolate stockings,cupcakes and biscuits and told me one of our friends gave them to him for the kids,it turns out she gave them to him.He told the OW the we had been over for a really long time but lived with me to help look after my son who tried to commit suicide.
The OW was falling in love with him,he had met her kids and all.
WH even asked if she wanted to go with him to our 2nd oldest sons with him.
It turns out that heís been on this dating website for 6 months,I wanted to see his profile but to see it I needed to register.I did under a fake name etc and it says heís single with no kids under 18.to he even used photos that I took of him.
I also found the Christmas present she bought him in the boot of the car,he had been cranky with me off and on all day because the OW doesnít want anything to do with him anymore but when I quizzed him about the present he was livid ,I said I was throwing them out and he lost it.
So he left.said heíd be back in a few days. But I went to delete the fake dating website
Who had sent me a message wanting to meet up,My WH.You could have knocked me over with a feather.Then an hour later he sent a text that said I think maybe we should just move on..
Have the last 34 years been one big lie.
His best mate is suddenly single after a long marriage and is on the same dating website,he has a main girlfriend and sleeps with other women regularly but the main girlfriend has no idea.So Iíve worked out that my WH wants a life just like his bestie.Well when he realises that it might be thrilling at first but thereís no loyal person there for him and heís not seeing your youngest anywhere near as much as he would like and him realising what he is missing out on (which he will) then he will be told to kiss my fat freckle and keep walking.Heís starting to blame me for him doing this,what a load of BS.

fareast posted 1/5/2020 11:47 AM

I am so sorry poisonweb that now you are experiencing trickle truth (TT) from your WH. You see how easily he lies. There has been a lot more deceit than you originally thought. You have been through a lot and I am sorry for the pain this has caused you. IMO he is going through a mid-life crisis. But tha5 doesnít mean that you have to endure all of this pain. He has made his decisions behind your back. You need to expose everything you know to your adult children. Do not protect him. You need their support. If they have a negative response it is called consequences. Show them his response to your fake account. Show them his dating profile. Also, see an attorney and file for D. Have him served ASAP. Take firm action. It is the best way to start to move on with your life. If he decides to stop being a total ass you can always stop the D process. Sometimes you have to risk losing the M, in order to have any chance to save it. The best antidote to killing an A is exposure to friends and family. Take care of you.

CometGirl posted 1/6/2020 09:17 AM

How are you doing?

Tallgirl posted 1/6/2020 19:38 PM

Oh man. This is crazy. I am so sorry you are here.

The only thing this man deserves is divorce papers handed to him by you on your blind date Booked via the site.

He is so far out of control I am not sure how you come back from this.

My head is reeling, I canít imagine how you feel. I am so very sorry.

cocoplus5nuts posted 1/7/2020 05:59 AM

I'm so sorry he has done this to you and your kids. I agree with TG that he is gone gone.

It sounds like you know what to do. How are you doing?

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