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Now what?

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fooled13years posted 12/23/2019 14:27 PM

NoBody87

Now what?

When it comes to you the answer is anything you want.

So, what do you want? Not what do you want for your WW, your child or the family, but what do you want?

One side says that she's really sorry and to forgive her.

Isn't this the conclusion you came to the first time?
The other side says that it's not the first time and to kick her out

I certainly can't tell you what to do but it seems to me that because she faced no consequences the first time she cheated the chances of it happening again, should you forgive her again, are high.

Good luck.

Newlifeisgreat posted 12/23/2019 15:05 PM

Refuse to be her Plan B or her nice safe husband at home!

Go see an lawyer as soon as possible!

How many times will she be allowed to sleep with other men before you say enough is enough!

GoldenR posted 12/23/2019 15:26 PM

I had a lot to say to you...until I read all of your replies. You dont really want any advice right now.

So the only advice I will give for now is that you need to wake the fuck up and take her off that pedestal that she sure as shit doesn't belong on and see her for what she truly is right now:

- a horrible person
- a horrible wife
- a horrible mother
- a very typical WW.

[This message edited by GoldenR at 4:49 PM, December 23rd (Monday)]

KingofNothing posted 12/23/2019 15:52 PM

GoldenR is being blunt, but he isn't wrong. She was willing to destroy your family without a second thought-- simply because the affair was more important than you. You need to focus on that.

goalong posted 12/23/2019 16:04 PM

You were looking for the best outcome. But when she said she did not love you, the message was loud and clear. She was selfish and did not bother that she was using you when she get married to you. She told you just to placate you that she started loving you. With all these actions she is continuing her selfish ways. Her motivation to study may be to be independent and leave you. Do not be so down on you. How you look like etc are minor things as long as you have self confidence. Make more progress in your career which will give you more confidence. According to Buddhism depression happens when one think too much of what would happen to them (self centered) and being not satisfied with what they have. i think the more you hang around the more heartache you will get. It is better to count your losses and make a clean break for your own sake. You cannot trust what a cheating person says. In essence you are helping her to leave you by supporting her while she is studying.

[This message edited by goalong at 4:47 PM, December 23rd (Monday)]

SlapNutsABingo posted 1/8/2020 15:30 PM

This affair never stopped, it has been going on underground for over 8 years. It was physical from the start because no guy just puts his hands under a skirt and stops there. Once she let him do that, it was game on.

Meeting at the concert was planned, she had gotten sloppy at that point from years of getting away with this and that's why you found out.

SnowToArmPits posted 1/8/2020 19:07 PM

Hi NB87.

But then again Iím not such a person to actually do something like that.

It`s a tactic that works a lot of the time, tell the other man`s GF or spouse. Because then the GF or spouse will read him the riot act and they often dump their affair partner. And ongoing, the GF or spouse then have eyes on the other man. It`s not necessarily about revenge on the OM, but there`s aspect as well.

If you can`t figure out who the GF is, hire a PI to find her for you, won`t take a PI long.

I`ll just raise this caution, too, as was pointed out by another poster. Make sure your financial situation is looked after here. I`ve read a few stories about cheating med students dumping their spouse after they graduate. The spouse is no longer needed to get them through school.

SaddestDad posted 1/8/2020 20:24 PM

NoBody87

As someone who understands a lot about aspergers (I've got a family member who should've been diagnosed - let's just leave it at that), I understand that you're incredibly conflict-avoidant and you're afraid that you don't understand the social intricacies that would become absolutely necessary to do anything other than sweeping it under the rug and pretending nothing happened... but that's also the best way for you to continue to sink further and further into the hole of depression, especially as you blame being on the spectrum for her stepping out of the marriage.

My point is this:
You want it fixed? You need to make her realize you're not a stepping stone. You need to muster up the strength to do something you've not done in a very long time, and consciously not give two shits about how she may feel by having to prove herself while she witnesses your pain.

And you need to tell the other betrayed party. Send them a certified letter if it feels to scary to do so in person.

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