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Something I have struggled with since before D-Day

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Zugzwang posted 11/23/2019 15:48 PM

APs use each other. Neither deserves consideration because we were fucking around and lying while hurting others to do it. What are you going to apologize for? For using the lie? It is like apologizing for punching someone in the face while robbing their house. Sorry I punched you in the face. Not sorry I robbed the house. The whole thing was built on shit and in shit anyway. The only apology goes to your wife for wading in shit with someone while drowning your wife. The AP chose to fuck over your wife and you want to apologize for using the AP like she used you? Are you sure you aren't the one looking for an apology from her? Have the shame for using someone like an object. Accept and own that because you are guilty of that. Learn from it and don't do it again.

MrCleanSlate posted 11/25/2019 09:22 AM

I hesitated to post this topic at first. Deep down I knew it was a bad line of thought. Heck, I wouldn't even consider discussing this with my wife which should have been my answer to begin with.

All the responses got me thinking and clearing my head. As Zug said in closing "Have the shame for using someone like an object. Accept and own that because you are guilty of that. Learn from it and don't do it again." That really was the nut. It wasn't about apologizing, it was about accepting that I have to live with that shame.

4 years on the regret for ever going down the road of an affair is growing in me. Something I can never change. That I think is the real problem.

hikingout posted 11/25/2019 11:42 AM

I hesitated to post this topic at first. Deep down I knew it was a bad line of though

I think it's exactly why you should post it. Sometimes putting something out in the light makes it go away. It makes you realize you are holding onto a thought that you aren't always acknowledging and when you are you aren't always able to put your finger on why it's wrong. Yes, you may get some 2 by 4's over it, but by airing it you still get rid of it and that's worth whatever is happening here in the forum.

What is happening for us out in our real lives, and knowing ways that we are still in our own way, it has way more value. So, what if you felt momentarily judged by strangers to get there? I think it's brave and I understand most of us still have those things we harbor that keeps us from letting different pieces go.

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