SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Some days are just hard. Left work today to deal with a meltdown ds had at school. Next step is to have him evaluated for the first 3 issues in my topic. I'm hoping that it ends up just being sensory processing disorder, but I fear he may be a bit on the spectrum. I've had a feeling for some time now that BH may be mildly on the spectrum, so genetically it wouldn't be too much of a surprise.

As for the hero in me...I volunteer for a major youth organization in my area, and last night they nominated/voted me in as the head if the organization. I've been repeatedly told by the youth (and adults, but the youth are why I care) that I'm the only one they have faith in to be successful in the position.

BH is beyond supportive, but I have reservations about how much outside pressure I can handle while still healing myself, helping BH heal, and being the rock ds so desperately needs.

Again, BH says he knows I've got this, and he'll support me any way he can, but I'm nervous. Would accepting be setting my family up for disaster?

Admins, could you please remove the stop sign? I feel I could greatly benefit from BS insight with this one.

I asked the mods to remove the stop sign for you. :)

I really have no advice, just wanted to say congratulations! I just think that is awesome.

Good luck with whatever decision you make .

I removed the Stop Sign for you. BS's can now respond within the guidelines of this forum.

Thank you all.

Wearing my wayward hat- Congratulations with the new responsibilities. Believe in yourself, your family, your H, your children. They’ll all help you as you need and support you in this new position.

Wearing my teachers hat- As for your DS... unless he is 100% on the spectrum, they will likely not diagnose it bc once that Autism diagnosis is set, that’s the umbrella the child falls under for their entire life. At 3... they’re more likely to go sensory processing bc that’s something that a person can adapt and grow out of so to speak. Take a breath and believe in the team that they’ll get your DS the right intervention necessary to make his educational experience the most appropriate for him. If you have any special Ed questions, please reach out. I’m more than happy to help. I have my masters in special Ed and a concentration on autism. If I don’t kniw something, I can get you the answer.

Wearing my mom hat- my oldest is dyslexic. I get it. I SO get it. I found a lot of comfort in the following essay. I stumbled upon it in my undergrad studies and used to hand it out at back to school night as the teacher. Years later with my kid, it’s brought a new meaning and comfort I had not anticipated. Maybe it will for you as well. Sending you big love and all the positive vibes.

Welcome to Holland

BY EMILY PERL KINGSLEY

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this…

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.” “Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”

But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you never would have met. It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…and you begin to notice Holland has windmills…and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy…and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say, “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away…because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.

But…if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to go to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things…about Holland.

***

FoenixRising

Now I have to explain to my boss why I'm crying at work. Lol. Seriously, thank you. I needed that.

I think part of wayward healing is to find the things that we are passionate about and to dedicate parts of our selves to those things. It's basic self-care, and when you do self-care consistently, you reinforce your self-love. Being good at something is a healthy way of feeling our lives being validated. I would see this as an important step in healing, as long as you can still juggle everything. Be aware of your husband and keep close contact so that your new responsibilities do not trigger him but I think this is very positive, you should absolutely give it a try, and Congratulations! Both on being seen in that light by your peers but for applying yourself and finding a passion that fills your soul!

Hikingout

I definitely see the logic in your words. It helps to have a sense of purpose in this crazy world. I've turned this down the last two years. The first time because I still had my head up my ass, and the second because we were so very early in our recovery process that it would have been detrimental to our family.

I still have some fear, but with his support, and if I can stay very intentional in my actions, then I think this could be a very positive experience.

Lostgirl, I just wanted to say congrats on your new opportunity. I have 2 boys who are on the spectrum and I remember how scary it was in the very beggining. I hope the best for your son in the evaluations and that it will bring some clarity for you.

I also know that through trying to recover I needed something for myself outside of all the craziness. Something that brings me joy and helps me stay centered as a person. I volunteer for my daughters scout troop and I also run a very small business. Those two things at times have helped me stay sane.

Only you know if it will be too much and you can make that call even after you've tried it. I think with your BHs support it sounds like you are going to be amazing at it. Wishing you luck moving forward