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Westway posted 11/1/2019 10:25 AM

I have evidence that could wreck her life if I wanted too but I donít seek revenge

This isn't about revenge. This is about protecting your innocent children from criminals. Your wife is conspiring with a criminal. She has gone over to the dark side my friend. Why can't you see that?

tushnurse posted 11/1/2019 10:33 AM

Please take the time to go back and read the posts that Bigger made. He took some time and put a lot of logical thought into them.

Now - Please Listen to me. Your kids need one parent that is safe, healthy, and making them a priority. That person is NOT your wife. She walked away from the job of mom a while ago. You MUST step up, and do the things needed to keep them safe from this criminal, and protect them from the fallout of what is to come.

Prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

ShutterHappy posted 11/1/2019 11:06 AM

Iím wondering (not knowing UK laws) whether you could get in trouble as well since you know your wife (therefore you as well) have money from illegal activities?

If both you and your wife get in trouble, what happens to your children? You need to talk to a lawyer, to protect your children.

NOw consider this: letís forget the OM is a convict. Letís forget about all the illegal stuff. Forget all that. Your WW has no boundaries. If itís not this guy, itís going to be another one that needs help and need rescuing. Right now she rooting for you and another man. You canít Reconcile with that. Even if the OM was an upstanding citizen, you canít R in that situation.

You will keep on hurting until you get out of this situation. You donít have to be mean, to take revenge or anything like that, but you have to put yourself and your children first.

squid posted 11/1/2019 17:56 PM


The purpose (and gift) of SI is that it helps the new BS see a path through the storm that is infidelity. It is definitely NOT a one-size-fits-all process. We like to say, "take what you can use, forget the rest." All situations are different, but the patterns are eerily the same. And while not all stories are severe, there are some that stick out as urgent. Domestic violence is a prime example. And in your case, endangerment of minors is right up there with the worst type of scenario.

Clearly your wife has chosen who she wants to be with. It's now your time to choose to protect your children. Period. No more waiting to see what she does or says or whatever. She's gone.

Take Bigger's advice. Like literally write her that letter and start the proceedings. Do it today. That's not me being pushy or impatient. That is me looking out for your best interests (your kids). Something your wife is NOT AT ALL invested in.

I count how many times I have seen a BS (myself included) waffle back and forth and never taking ACTION because they were afraid of the repercussions and how disruptive they would be. You need to let go of the outcome.

anoldlion posted 11/1/2019 20:34 PM

After I retired from the military I worked for 20 years with the Department of Corrections in my state. I have seen female correctional officers fall "in love" with inmates on several occasions. It always turned out bad and if the female officer was married, it always ended in divorce. I saw a very attractive female psychologist fall "in love" with the ugliest lowlife you could imagine. She ended up losing her job, her career, and not long after he was released from prison she ended up shooting him because of his treatment toward her. Once an inmate gets a female officer to do one thing for him that is illegal or against the rules, he then owns that officer. He will then say or do anything to keep her under his control. He will tell her how great she is, how pretty she is, how much he needs her, how much he loves her, how he would treat her so much better than her husband/boyfriend and anything else he thinks she wants to hear. He will, over time, talk to her and get closer to her emotionally. She will eventually tell him very personal things about her life. He will use that information to snare her in his trap. If that doesn't work then he will blackmail her over the illegal favor into doing as he wants. Once he gets out of prison he may keep her under his thumb for money, sex, and favors. Eventually he will kick her to the curb when he is tired of her or no longer needs her. She will end up broken and wanting back with her husband and the life she destroyed. I remember one female officer who was married to a policeman, lost her husband, her children, and her marriage for an inmate that laughed and bragged to other inmates about the sex he got from her when she was suppose to be supervising him on a nightly clean up detail. She had been a very attractive woman. The last time I saw her she gained a lot of weight, had let herself go and working a low paying job. She had no husband, no marriage, lost her children and was living day to day. Believe me when I say it always ends bad. When a woman says she doesn't know what she wants or what to do she is telling you that you are her reserve when things go bad, and they will go bad. Get off this train wreak of a relationship before you end up as a casualty also. I do wish you well.

[This message edited by anoldlion at 8:47 PM, November 1st (Friday)]

Buffer posted 11/9/2019 02:01 AM

Hey brother how r U doing?

TimSC posted 11/10/2019 00:26 AM

Stop with the "when he takes the money out of her account". You do realize he cannot do that. No person can remove money from another persons account if they are not named on the account.

I put money in my kids bank account all the time. All I need is the account number and bank routing number. I can put money in, but I CANNOT remove money because my name is not on the accounts.

So her claim that everything will be fine when he removes the money is BS.

Buffer posted 11/10/2019 00:43 AM

What he said^^^^^

OptionedOut posted 11/10/2019 21:04 PM

FIrst, I'm so sorry you are here.

You've already had the best advice. I know your head is reeling with all this and you are hurt.

Hang in there. We're here for you.

Dismayed2012 posted 11/13/2019 16:22 PM

Sorry about your situation 787Mike. I'm also sorry that you don't seen to want to do anything about it. Your wife is having an affair with another man and you're not stopping her. I see all of the excuses but none of them add up. You don't seem to want to believe the reality that you're living. There's really nothing to be done if that's how you're going to continue to approach this. I do feel bad for you because you're obviously highly co-dependent. You're so afraid of taking control that nothing is changing. You're allowing her and the other man to drive your life. How you live with the situation your wife has created is your choice. I can only hope that you'll start to value yourself more than you currently are.

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