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Feeling worthless

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bluelights posted 7/5/2019 22:39 PM

Anyone made the pick me up dance in the middle of despair and manipulation and stopped after a few weeks and became the partner with the saying about the future of the relationship?
As soon I told my WW I would stay, she changed her behavior. Also, she humiliated me as you can see from other posts. I am feeling guilty for have acted so stupidly. I lost my mind and I am so sorry for that!

LifeLostLongAgo posted 7/5/2019 22:47 PM

"Worthless" is the name I use on some accounts in life. For many years now. Don't wait to take action and gain control of your life. Save years of suffering.

bluelights posted 7/5/2019 23:00 PM

I want to!

Odonna posted 7/5/2019 23:21 PM

There is a tremendous freedom in giving up.

Truly embrace having no control. No ability to change things by will or wishing.

This is what is happening. You can only affect yourself.

Right now you are flotsam in storm waves. The only way to dip an oar in the water is to first accept that.

[This message edited by Odonna at 11:22 PM, July 5th (Friday)]

Marz posted 7/6/2019 00:11 AM

It is your life. No one else's. What you do with it and how you live it is totally up to you.

Unless you give someone else the power over you.

Coreofsteel posted 7/6/2019 00:47 AM

You're giving up the power. Don't do the pick me dance.

keptmyword posted 7/6/2019 01:07 AM

You feel worthless because you have completely based your worth on some one who is utterly worthless.

Extract yourself from her world of selfish, entitled, fantasy bullshit.

You have nothing tying you to her.

Get the hell out of there because you’ve been forever cast as the villain in her shit-show.

There is no fixing her - you can’t and neither can anyone else.

No kids with her so you can cut clean and fairly quickly.

Don’t even bother telling her or discussing anything with her.

File for divorce, tell her that ALL communication with her, from now on to forever, will be via your attorney and hers if she chooses to get one.

You then never have to see or speak to this horror show ever again in your entire life.

File, let your attorney handle it, and move on.

[This message edited by keptmyword at 3:48 AM, July 6th (Saturday)]

The1stWife posted 7/6/2019 03:47 AM

Have you stopped to consider her extreme behavior and selfishness?

You were very ill and she chose to cheat (quite common). She did nothing to help you. Now that is a very cold and calculated move.

I’m not sure what there is to reconcile with st this point. How sad.

bluelights posted 7/6/2019 04:49 AM

You are right!
I will move on and I need to do it fast because it is hurting a lot!

I am doing so badly! I cannot believe I am going through this. In my heart I knew she would do that if she wanted and she did. I worked so hard to stop her for all these years.

I have done an extremely painful pick me up dance. It made my pain worsen. What should I do? I filled for D, the papers are coming and she will sign, she said, to be with him, to have a better life. How can you have a better life leaving someone almost dead behind!

She blames me and It got to me every single time.

Odonna posted 7/6/2019 05:27 AM

The ONLY way your pain will recede is if you truly give up wishing and hoping that she would act differently.

But, she will not. In her own words she does not care and even enjoys your pain.

For 24 hours, refuse to say “oh, but why???” You are never, ever going to get an answer to that and the question just tortures you. For this one day, just stop. That will make it easier to stop tomorrow also.

This is the only advice there is to alleviate your pain.

bluelights posted 7/6/2019 05:41 AM

Ok! 1 day, I can do that!
All this time she manipulated me to a point I begged her to forgive me. I can see she won’t be better or see what she is throwing away. I love someone that does not love me.

cocoplus5nuts posted 7/6/2019 07:49 AM

She blames me and It got to me every single time.

This is not your fault or responsibility. This is all her doing. Do not allow her to shift the blame for her behavior onto you. Take care of yourself.

bluelights posted 7/6/2019 08:49 AM

I want to stop thinking my life is over. I want to start thinking I am free. I am so sorry to have wasted all these years to be treated like this!

Odonna posted 7/6/2019 09:14 AM

Try to go just one day without torturing yourself with questions and regrets. Will you be a better man when you emerge from this (and you will)? If so, then you have nothing to regret because this crucible of pain will have been part of your journey.

What are your plans today? Get out and get going!

Unhinged posted 7/6/2019 11:16 AM

bluelights, don't be too hard on yourself, man. Your initial reactions to discovery are very common. For most people, the betrayal of infidelity is a powerful shock to the system and severe emotional and psychological trauma. Even after all of these years, reading and remaining active on SI, I'm still not sure I could accurately explain why the betrayal hits so hard and so deeply.

What I do know is that infidelity is crazy-making shit and that it has a tendency to thoroughly unhinge people. Most of us, I think, simply lack the experience and wisdom to help us get through a shit storm like this one. We simply don't know what to do, so we try anything. Which means you're as normal as normal gets when it comes to surviving infidelity.

So, again, don't be too hard on yourself.

I understand the feelings of worthlessness and rejection. I'd imagine most BSs understand it all too well. It's natural. Par for the course, man.

One of the most difficult truths to accept as a BS is that our WS's choices and actions had nothing at all to do with us. Your WW's behavior, callousness and cruelty, has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her own issues, her own demons. Nothing you said or didn't say, nothing you did or didn't do, would have made any difference.

People lose their way, becoming wayward, because they have accepted some untruths about themselves and they can no longer cope with... whatever. They break, you know? They break with themselves and they blow-up their lives. And as hard as they try to escape from... whatever... they fail to understand that they cannot escape from themselves.

Your WW is going to carry those issues with her until she has the courage to accept who she's allowed herself to become.

I want to stop thinking my life is over. I want to start thinking I am free. I am so sorry to have wasted all these years to be treated like this!
Your life's not over, man. As much as I hate to resort to clichés... today is the first day of the rest of your life. Choose to make each day better than the last because tomorrow is always more important than yesterday.

Did I mention not being too hard on yourself? In case I didn't, be gentle with yourself. Surviving infidelity is hard enough without beating the shit out yourself for... whatever.


bluelights posted 7/6/2019 11:40 AM

Thank you. I have this urge to run for her and ask her to rethink and to be on the good path, not to be with me, but to be happy.

I really want to get out of this!

Unhinged posted 7/6/2019 12:42 PM

You can't save her, and, from what you've written, I think you'd be wasting your time.

I'm really sorry you're going through this, brother. You will get through it, though.


bluelights posted 7/6/2019 13:03 PM

I want to detach from her ASAP. She is killing me and she does not care.

Unhinged posted 7/6/2019 16:45 PM

Print out a copy of "Understanding the 180" and read it every few days or so.

Remember, you don't have to internalize her issues.

anoldlion posted 7/6/2019 19:34 PM

I will tell you what I have told others. Never, ever stay with a partner or spouse that you love but they do not love you. It will suck the life and joy out of you. You have a succubus in your life and you are having the joy and life sucked out oy you. Only you can save yourself. I do wish you well.

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