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BrittanyNicole11 posted 5/22/2019 09:18 AM

I Spoke to a lawyer and feel more comfortable with an outcome of not being able to reconcile. The longer this goes on, the less I even want to. I think what makes me the most angry about my WH’s affair is that if he does choose the OW in the end and we get a D, he is robbing me of time with my daughter. Because if his selfish actions and choices, I am going to be punished. However custody is worked out (I would never keep her from him) I would be willing to alternate holidays but that pisses me of SO much. Because of his selfish acts, I am not going to be able to see my daughter some Christmas mornings. There could be some birthdays where she is not with me. Some Halloween’s where I won’t be able to take her trick or treating. Some Easter’s where I won’t get to watch her hunt for eggs. That’s not fair. She’s only 2 and that thought is the most painful part for me right now.

JimmyB posted 5/22/2019 09:30 AM

It's certainly not fair, for you or your children. That may be the worst thing that comes as a result of infidelity. I ended up staying with my WW after her first affair, actually her second but I was unaware of it, simply because I wasn't going to let her take my children half away from me and I certainly wasn't going to let her continue to allow the kind of low life people be around them that she had already. Looking back that was a mistake, I should have divorced her and made it my #1 priority to protect them, by whatever means necessary, even if I had to do it while not living full time with them. Considering she has had multiple A's since, I believe myself and my children would have been better off in the end.

Cheatee posted 5/22/2019 09:49 AM

Children are the victims in their cheater parents' misbehavior.

My teenage daughter almost successfully committed suicide trying to deal with it all.

And my XWW still consider herself a great parent.

BrittanyNicole11 posted 5/22/2019 09:51 AM

Wow that’s tough. My H is a good guy and a good dad but he is making bad choices and being extremely selfish and that could impact our child. The OW (besides the fact that I think she’s a whore and home wrecker) does appear to be a good mom to her son from what I can tell on social media and besides the fact that she is a cheater has the potential to be a decent human being. It scares me to think about another person being in and out of my daughter’s life too (because the statistics of affairs turned real relationships working out doesn’t seem very high. I think both my WH and OW do not have their priorities straight right now though.

Chaos posted 5/22/2019 09:52 AM

Yes. That is an unfair and cruel aspect. The children.

Mine was a teen upon DDay [and the discoverer of the A] and she became most self destructive with her behaviors as a result.

There are no winners. Only losers. The only variable is to which degree.

Gablestitch posted 5/22/2019 10:00 AM

Yes, that does stink. No real way around that. However, there is no reason you can't have an Easter egg hunt with your daughter every year. It's just some years it will be on Easter, some years not. Same with Christmas and all those other celebrations throughout the year. And the thing is, as kids get older and involved in more activities these celebrations get moved around anyway. We had that happen when I was growing up. In fact, we celebrated Christmas three times each year just because it wasn't possible to see everyone on one day and at the time there was only one split family custody time to take into account.

As far as spending time away from your daughter, use that for much needed mommy time and doing all those things you can't do with your daughter. Then when you have her you can spend more time with her.

Yes, it stinks that image you had in your head of waking up every Christmas morning with your kid and their father isn't going to happen if you decide R isn't for you. But it's not the end of the world. It's just different.

Adaira posted 5/22/2019 10:03 AM

This was the main reason I tried to reconcile with my cheater and it ate me up inside when we finally started going through the divorce process. “I now have to miss time with MY babies because you needed to fuck your coworker?” It’s unbelievably unfair. It sucks.

Ultimately though, as with all things, it becomes the new normal. Do I miss my kids when they’re with their dad on his weekends? Sure do. But do I also value my alone time, seek out new experiences, and make the absolute best of it? Yup. You will too.

totallydumb posted 5/22/2019 10:09 AM

With my first wife we had 2 children. I was much the same way, I was pissed off not seeing my children every day.

As time went on, she slowly withdrew from the kids lives. At this point, 22 years after divorce, she rarely sees the adult children.

She didn't even accept/return calls on Mothers day.

She has only seen one grandchild once. Never met the other grandchild (they are 5 and 3 yrs).

I see the pain from my adult children even today.

The way I look at things now, it is her loss.

MamaDragon posted 5/22/2019 10:10 AM

That would be one of the things I would tell my WH once everything is settled. I would probably do it sarcastically and end up with us not talking to one another but I'd let him know how I feel. (don't be like me though)

I think it would really bother me bc I don't play well with others and never learned to share.

BrittanyNicole11 posted 5/22/2019 10:49 AM

Thanks all. I know that with time it would get better but it hurts so much to think about now. 💔 I think it’s time I find myself an IC too as a part of my healing/180