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Smallwonders posted 5/14/2019 23:25 PM

I have often used my job as a place of respite from the turmoil of my marriage. It is a place where I have been able to separate personal and professional. Until now...

My boss called me on Friday after I sent a text that I would not be in. He was so kind, he did not pry. He said, "I can assure you are not going through anything I have not gone through". He wanted me to focus on resting and let me know how grateful he is to have me as an employee.

I have been more distracted than I have ever been at work. I find that I do not have the energy to pull the late hours I used to. And I frankly, just choose not to respond to emails that can wait until later. But this is not me. I am normally a top performer. I am grateful to have a good job.

I am no longer capable of juggling both worlds. All I want right now is to find a way to get healthy and find my faith again.

Mene posted 5/15/2019 02:53 AM

Infidelity is a bitch. Just be good to yourself. Work isn’t everything. You don’t have to be a perfect worker. Being perfect has its disadvantages, too. Work may be a good distraction but you also have to focus on dealing with the betrayal of your partner and that takes a lot of work. If you ignore this you’ll pay for it later in life.

The1stWife posted 5/15/2019 05:15 AM

What are you doing for you? Your support. Your sanity. Your happiness.

They all matter.

Smallwonders posted 5/15/2019 09:50 AM

I have finally found a counselor who specializes in this type of recovery. I cut my hair. I am sleeping better. I’m am trying to accept the emptiness of the house. And contemplating next steps toward D (I can’t even say the word right now.)

Stevesn posted 5/15/2019 11:42 AM

I know it’s important to you to keep those worlds separate and a safe place.

But that’s a good boss you have there. Sounds like he will respect your privacy but also can be a confidant if you need him to be.

I am glad you found a good IC to work with. They are worth their weight in good.

Thinking of you....

ThisIsSoLonely posted 5/15/2019 12:31 PM

I had the identical thing happen to me, except that when all of this hit it was my first day at a new job. Dday2 was the night of my first day at work. I literally had 1 day of the new job before I had to cope with dday2 and all the bullshit that comes with it and I was NOT good at my new job at all for the first few months. I had to say something to my boss after a few months as I was no where near the level my recommenders had indicated. It was humbling.

The only thing I can say is that it takes time - time to process and time to get your head back in a place where you can separate things. It's compartmentalizing - which I don't like doing because I don't want to do anything that puts me in a category like my WH who was (is) a master at it...but I don't see it as me potentially falling down a slippery slope. It's a necessity right now - you will get there even if you have to tell yourself every time you start to wander off into infidelity land, that there is more time to do that later and that you won't let the A take that from you too. It takes strength and resolve in yourself to do it, but it can be done.

[This message edited by ThisIsSoLonely at 12:32 PM, May 15th (Wednesday)]