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Something other than remorse

Hardroadout posted 5/8/2019 13:07 PM

I haven't posted in a while. I've been dealing with cancer. But, I am struggling.

We are over 3 years out. WS is something other than remorseful.

He loves me. He tends to me. He does nice things for me. I believe he is sorry for what he did to me and our family.

And then, he is also a jerk. Recently, he went to the place that he formerly frequented for the purpose of picking up women. I don't think he went there for that. He's not cheating. And I don't think he will again. He had quit long before discovery because "he did not like who he had become." He went for coffee. I saw the coffee in a to go cup.

But, good lord, really? And when I confront him, he accuses me of being "immature." Nevermind that the 2 other times he stopped at the place for coffee, I had a fit.

This will never change. It is believed by the professionals we work with that he is somewhere on the autism spectrum.

I'm astounded. Too good to leave, too bad to stay. Does his autism make him THAT unable to understand emotions? Or is he just an utter jerk when he wants to be?

He's sleeping on the couch.

Adaira posted 5/8/2019 13:25 PM

None of the questions you’ve asked are really the right ones. You should be asking: “Is this relationship acceptable to me?”

devotedman posted 5/8/2019 13:29 PM

In simple yes/ no terms, autism usually leaves one unable to understand/ empathize with the emotions of others.

Hardroadout posted 5/8/2019 13:41 PM

Adaira, its not. But it is. He can be very good to me.

I won't leave until my youngest ages out. There's still a few years before that happens.

I'm just utterly astounded how someone can be so good and so bad at the same time.

nomudnolotus posted 5/8/2019 18:58 PM

Unfortunately with autism they have a difficult time with other people's emotions and empathy often.

It's kind of like asking a blind person to just see dammit.

It's unfortunate, but depending where they are on the spectrum, they can't learn it. They can learn to emulate behaviours, but it's just not there.

Chaos posted 5/9/2019 11:59 AM

Oversimplified - if not frequenting that establishment is one of your conditions - that's the bottom line.

The question is - if he refuses to comply - what are you going to do about it?

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