SurvivingInfidelity.com® > New Beginnings

BearlyBreathing posted 4/27/2019 19:17 PM

I’m nearing being ready to try dating (is that non-noncommittal enough? ). And now I realize that I have no idea what the actually means. Does it mean I am ready to create an OLD profile? I am ready to be out in the world with an openness about me, rather than my kinda high walls I am currently rocking? (Normal RBF, so it is just more of that.)

Other than OLD and announcing to your friends you want to be set up, what do I need to do?

For background, I have a fairly limited dating experience... I was a serial monogamist, have pretty much had a boyfriend all the time since I was 16, with only short breaks in between.
And it’s been 25 years since I met xWH and haven’t had a date since then.

I feel like I am 15 again.

WhoTheBleep posted 4/27/2019 19:55 PM

BB, you are me a few months ago. Former serial monogamist before WH.

"I am ready to be out in the world with an openness about me, rather than my kinda high walls I am currently rocking? "

Exactly how I felt the day I went to the beach and met first the man I dated after WH. I just felt open and receptive to whatever. I smiled a lot. Struck up conversations with strangers, women and men alike. One was beach dad's father. We talked for 30 minutes. Within an hour, BD had the skinny on me and came over to chat with me.

That was easy and natural. Now, however, I'm in uncharted territory...OLD. I'm horrible at it. I posted my profile, then ran and hid behind the curtains for a week as the sharks swarmed, lol. I befriended one non-threatening man, out of my age range and he knows it. We have a lot in common (all verified, as he has an online presence through his work) and will likely meet for a drink. Platonic, and he is aware.

There are 2 profiles who liked me, and I liked them. I can't get the nerve to start a conversation. I'm terrified. What is wrong with me? Argh! Hahaaa. Afraid they are players, cheaters, creeps, etc etc. My problem. Not theirs. I think I'll just have to jump in and risk it. How else to move forward.

And yes, tell your friends and acquaintences you are available. Chat up friendly strangers. You never know if they have a son, friend, brother you'd be interested in (as in my case, lol).

Good luck. I need luck, too. I stink at this

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 7:55 PM, April 27th (Saturday)]

ADryHeat posted 4/28/2019 02:07 AM

My exh was my only significant relationship of my young life (from 18-36) so I was totally lost when it came to thinking of dating.

I joined OLD. It worked sometimes, was a shit show others. Most of my friends were married and so were their friends, and I had no interest in making connections via work, so OLD made sense.

The first six months or so, I went on alllll the dates. All of them. Many sucked, many were ok, few went anywhere. But that was ok with me bc I had walls sky high and was looking to relearn how to be a single adult, NOT looking to fall in love.

Around 12 months after divorce, I had my first ‘relationship’ with someone I met on OLD. It wasn’t serious, but it was exclusive. We dated for about three months, and having dated around for almost a year, I quickly identified that he was a good dude, but not the dude for me. At about 15 months out, I had a LDR that last two months with a guy. It didn’t work out, but we’re still friends and it was the relationship I credit with breaking down my walls.

If you have friends and family who could set you up, definitely reach out to let them know you’re open to it. And if OLD feels like a good option, do that as well! I liked having multiple options available, and when it got annoying or life was busy and I didn’t feel like dating, I just took a break. Just remember it’s a supposed to be fun and dating casually is a great opportunity to learn about yourself and see what you want and don’t want out of a relationship.

shakentocore posted 4/28/2019 06:16 AM

I’m not dating, but I have friends who have met SOs by “getting out there.” OLD was not for them. They made an effort to attend lectures, alumni events / reunions, work conferences, meet ups. Often they did not meet anyone romantically, but they were able to expand their circles in other way.

One thing about meetup (at least in my friends’ experience) there are some that are specifically for singles, others that are mixed male-female but not for singles. Some of them frown on people joining to “hook up” - but even then there can be sharks (male and female) circling looking for a fresh face so you need to figure out the lay of the land.