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Proud of myself, yet terrified

twicefooled posted 4/22/2019 13:14 PM

After the s**tstorm of my marriage, things have been relatively peaceful and quiet for the better part of 3 yrs now (2yrs after leaving were very volatile due to ex's mental health issues and addiction issues).

This takes us to this month, April.

1. I was very close to my exhusbands grandmother (she mostly raised him). She passed away after a massive stroke at the age of 93 on April 3. We all got to say goodbye before she died, I even brought my ex husband (he doesn't drive and she lives an hour away). I was really worried about how that was going to impact my ex mental issues, but he has done fairly well. I did really well maintaining boundaries while being supportive and grieving.

2. My paternal grandmother passed away last week of leukemia, she was 94. Kids and I made it to see her before she passed and we got to be there when she died.

So that was a double whammy. My best friend died 2 years ago of a brain tumour, and her sister (also close to her) died 6 months later of cancer.

So needless to say, my 15 yr old son and 12 yr old daughter have lost 4 loved ones in 2 years.

3. This sent my 15yr old son over the edge. Last week he tried to harm himself (I wasn't home from work yet) and called the crisis line (which I'm so proud he did, and didn't just try to kill himself like my ex did). Police came and took him to the hospital while I got his sister situated for the night. I was at the hospital within 30 minutes. They assessed him and admitted him and he's been in the children't psychiatric wing since last Wed.

I'm absolutely gutted. His dad is not capable of being a help to me so this is 100% on me. Work has been absolutely amazing and supportive and have allowed me to work from home to at least maintain my salary (I work with students, but lucky for me they are all in exam prep and don't need my services).

I've asked for therapy for his sister and I while dealing with the doctors for him.

No real reason for posting this except to get it off my chest.

I'm a stress cleaner so my house looks amaaaaaaaaaaazing right now.

Hobbyist posted 4/22/2019 13:58 PM

I'm sorry for your loss, but great job on handling things in healthy manner!

Phoenix1 posted 4/22/2019 14:15 PM

I'm sorry for the losses and your DS's struggling. You SHOULD be proud of yourself!

Hang in there!

twicefooled posted 4/22/2019 14:38 PM

Thank you! I have always worked in the mental health field, so of course I felt like a total failure when it came to helping my ex (I'm now healthy enough to appreciate it wasn't my battle to fight, but it took me some time). But the fact that my son, at the age of 15, called the crisis line on his own and ASKED for help is a huge emotional win for me - at least someone was listening :)

My son is on a day pass (schools closed today) and has been having a decent day. He doesn't really want to return back to the hospital but understands it's part of the process.

Phoenix1 posted 4/22/2019 15:42 PM

Please keep reinforcing to your DS that he was very brave and strong for reaching out for help. He absolutely did the right thing!!

My DS did not reach out for help, and paid the ultimate price for keeping his mental struggles to himself. Thus, I preach about mental self-help any chance I can.

You done good, mom!

twicefooled posted 4/22/2019 16:00 PM

Phoenix, words cannot express how sorry I am to hear this about your son. Soft hugs. How devastating. Sorry if I triggered you <3

I have definitely been telling him how brave he's being. He has a close female friend that he first reached out to when he was feeling bad. She encouraged him to call the hotline, and he listened to her. She is officially my favourite person besides my own kiddos, and I've been careful to thank her and also remind her that my son's choices are his own, lest she learn that we "save" or "lose" people.

WornDown posted 4/24/2019 10:39 AM

Twice -

I'm so sorry your are going through this.

I went through something similar - my ex OD'd when I told her I was done.

Then my DD(then 16, now 20) OD'd when mom didn't come home one night - she kept taking her anti-anxiety/depression meds because she didn't know where mom was. She spent almost three weeks in the hospital (1 wk in the ER (holding) and the rest in an adolescent psych facility).

A few months later she called me (I lived 5h away) in the woods - she was was cutting herself (not suicide) because mom had gotten arrested for her 2nd DUI. She said she didn't want to do this. That was a turning point in her mental health.

It took a lot of therapy, but my daughter is doing great these days (that was 4 years ago).

Just love them as much as you can, make sure they get they therapy.

I hope this is just a situational event and that he gets past it. The fact that he asked for help really is a big thing. It's a great sign that he knows he's hurting and needs help. A lot of people don't seek out the help.

Praying for the best.

[This message edited by WornDown at 10:40 AM, April 24th (Wednesday)]

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