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Other people telling one how to feel

Lavenderrose posted 4/4/2019 21:40 PM

I seem to have a few friends who think any kind of anger ever is somehow negative.
More than that any expression of anger is met with canned "spiritual phrases".
I find this particularly ironic since I have seen these same people angry at small issues.

I am three years past the big changes in my life. I can say that the anger is mostly gone most of the time.

I find it invalidating when people try to tell me not to be angry.

What the hey is up with that?

Has the entire world lost it's sense of boudaries?


Queen posted 4/4/2019 22:20 PM

I really, really hate people who tell me how I feel or how to feel. I have no patience for it.

There's a place for righteous, justified anger and I get to decide for myself when that is and I will continue to be angry until I'm not.

Cooley2here posted 4/5/2019 07:49 AM

If you have brought someone into the conversation then they expect to be able to give an opinion. If they have never been cheated on they have no idea. My suggestion is to find a divorce support group. You are entitled to your anger but some people feel very uncomfortable with it. Pick carefully whom you share this with.

Furious1 posted 4/5/2019 10:53 AM

Yep. It's as though they expect others around them to deal with it whenever they are ticked off about something, but then demand that we shut it down whenever our anger over something doesn't serve their purposes. Selfish as can be.

I view those people as damaged. And damaged people damage people. Life is just too short to let people like that keep taking up space that is meant for those who will truly be supportive of me in both my good times and my bad times. If they don't have what it takes to be that someone, then they will find themselves in my rearview mirror. I have already wasted too much time and energy on jerks who make things all about them and who do anything to make me feel bad for having a full range of human emotions and thoughts of my own.

I truly understand and it sucks.


BobPar posted 4/5/2019 11:27 AM

It takes 3-5 years to heal. And is that the average. So some are more and some are less.
Feel what you feel. Acknowledge your pain, it is the only way to heal.
I'm sorry your friends aren't understanding Lavenderrose.

Tim Keller has a wounded Spirit podcast that discusses taking complicated feelings and trying to reduce them so that we can make them understandable. It doesn't really work. Reducing everything to a spiritual issue is too rigid and simplistic. Reducing feelings to a "main" issue doesnt work.

You will be OK.

[This message edited by BobPar at 11:33 AM, April 5th, 2019 (Friday)]

Cheatee posted 4/5/2019 13:59 PM

Anger is really shunned in Western culture. I think its suppression leads to bad things, not that we should lash out uncontrollably.

I tried to channel it into healthy things, like exercise. During her affair, and past D-Day into our failed reconciliation, I would bicycle twnety, sometimes thirty miles on my bicycle. I would take out my anger on every hill, while indulging in a metaphorical escape.

And I got in shape, all thanks to seething rage.

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