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newlife03 posted 3/4/2019 10:00 AM

His girlfriend of nearly 3 years left him, and he's heartbroken. He's 23 and young for plenty of new people to come into his life. But his heart was with her, and she left without warning. It's killing me that I can't make him feel better. I know it's a process he has to go through and that he will come out of it o.k., but until then I'm so sad for my son.

sisoon posted 3/4/2019 10:36 AM

I understand. Our son's D has just come through. We didn't know what a horrible M it had been until the last year of it, but even in retrospect I think W and I both wish we could have helped when he really needed it.

Also, our wedding was shortly after my 23rd b'day, after 2 years together. I know I would have felt destroyed if we had broken up, since I felt alive only with her.

All I can say is: boundaries. Keep yours. Help him keep his.

Even though we were together, I needed to learn that I was alive both with and without my W, and no one could teach me that but myself.

My best to your son. This is a hard blow, but he'll recover.

I do hope he decides that she had this one chance, and she blew it. I do hope he fully recovers and harbors no sense of 'the one soul mate who got away' because of some failure in himself.

newlife03 posted 3/4/2019 10:53 AM

I do hope he fully recovers and harbors no sense of 'the one soul mate who got away' because of some failure in himself.

Exactly. He blames himself for some things that were said. He's had a temper and they've had several arguments in the last 2 years but he has worked hard to control it and doesn't think he deserves her walking away when he worked so hard. But I told him that she taught him to work harder on himself so that time together was not wasted.

It's so hard! I do know not to speak ill of her, so I've been good there!

lieshurt posted 3/4/2019 13:21 PM

My heart goes out to you and your son. To me, it's absolutely awful to know my son is hurting and there's nothing I can do to fix it.

Phoenix1 posted 3/4/2019 15:06 PM

I understand that feeling of helplessness.

My DS had his first serious GF breakup when he was around 17-18 (senior in high school). He was absolutely crushed (she broke up with him) and didn't see it coming. I found him in his bedroom one afternoon crying into his pillow. Broke.My.Heart.

I'm sorry your DS is going through this.

newlife03 posted 3/4/2019 19:04 PM

I know that, at some point, he'll be ok. But he thought his future with her was set, like most of do when we're young and in love. Argh...

whensitover posted 3/4/2019 19:28 PM

Been there, done that, hated every single minute of it! My daughter dated the same boy for 6 years! Started dating him when she was 12, (not really dating, but you know what I mean) Our families were SO close! We celebrated every holiday with them...they basically grew up together! When they broke up, I thought his mother and I would both have a nervous breakdown! We loved him like a son, they loved our DD the same. They just grew apart, he worked out of town, she started college. He cheated on her, and she cut him loose. It just about killed ya all! But his mom and I are still so close, and my daughter is married and ex bf is too! But I feel for you because nothing hurts more than seeing your child hurting!!

newlife03 posted 3/6/2019 16:37 PM

He seems to be doing better, but those first days were awful. I think he's holding out that she'll go back to him. I told him I want him happy and am working VERY hard to step back and let him decide how he wants to handle things when she calls or texts. So hard to just sit back! Thanks everyone :-)