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What signs did you notice something was going on?

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Zamboni posted 3/2/2019 23:21 PM

1st D-Day —

Horrendous behavior ... flying off the handle at me and the kids about pretty much everything.
Agitated, annoyed, distracted, distant, cold AF
Phone obsession
Lots of strange pictures in his phone — selfies, etc.
Dressing much nicer for work and having a lot of early morning meetings.
Falling off the grid for hours, and then blowing a fit if I asked him where he was.

D-Day 2
Same OW + discovered his love of hookers.
That’s when I knew he was a narcissistic sociopath — not.only did he not care if he hurt me, but the complete ease as which he was able to lie was absolutely chilling. There were no signs really other than my gut telling me something was wrong. He is an incredibly skilled liar and a master manipulator.

Alonelyagain posted 3/3/2019 11:54 AM

1. No longer leaving her cellphone all over the house, but rather keeping it on her at all times.

2. Abruptly ended her calls when I walked into the room.

3. Ridiculous excuses for leaving the house.

4. No longer wearing jewelry that I gave her, other than wedding and engagement rings.

5. Increased cursing and use of new phrases.

6. Her formerly wide social circle of women friends narrowed down to just one other woman who was having an A too.

7. After pulling into driveway, sitting in car talking on phone for awhile.

[This message edited by Alonelyagain at 11:57 AM, March 3rd (Sunday)]

GrayShades posted 3/3/2019 12:25 PM

Almost forgot this one -- WH no longer locked up the house before going to bed after decades of being compulsive about it. He was too busy looking forward to sexting to be bothered with keeping his family safe. Now he's back to locking up.

Wenda posted 3/3/2019 21:18 PM

I had been a little uncomfortable about a couple of things. He added her to facebook. He never uses facebook. We went out with his work friends a few times (all arranged by her) and I didn't like the way she was so over familiar with him, even giving him a hug in front of me. In hindsight that was when things began becoming inappropriate. Months later he had a work crisis and was very depressed. He started getting argumentative and hinting he was thinking of leaving me. He implied that he had been talking with someone else about this. I knew immediately who it was. I told him we should separate as I was not going to be treated like this. I said nothing, hired a detective and they were caught going out to dinner and she kissed him in a carpark. It was very awkward just a few pecks and mainly her. I don't think it had happened before, he did not look very comfortable. I confronted him the next day,changed the locks and told him to get out.

He was out of the house for a couple of weeks during which time I made no contact. I started making moves to buy his half of the house and divorce him. He contacted me and asked if he could come back.

He came back and although it was over in his mind, because he thought talking to her was not cheating, I just knew they were still in touch. Now I saw signs...putting a password on his phone, catching an email conversation, her instagram posts in which she seemed desperate to attract his attention. His hunted look when I asked him if she was still contacting him. There was more...fake instagrams, fake email accounts some of which I did not find out about until a couple of years later.Why I put up with this at the time I don't know, but my gut feeling had changed and although I suspected he was still in contact I didn't think it was still an affair.

He just let her keep contacting him until she gave up! I am infuriated by this. He only told me the truth 2 years later. He felt bad that she was so upset and also thought that she might contact me if she couldn't get a response from him. Ive seen the emails and she was definitely the pursuer, but it still makes me so angry. She even started coming to his new work and waiting around for him. This was when he knew he had to really be no contact. He agrees now that responding to her only gave her the wrong idea and that she only went away when he stopped responding at all.

ChamomileTea posted 3/4/2019 09:06 AM

Manscaping. It all started with manscaping. Whenever I questioned him about it, he'd give me some ridiculous bullshit about getting his pubes caught in his zipper. In actuality, he was sprucing up because he was on the hunt for some strange. If I had listened to my gut and torn through all his communications, I'd have caught him out then and there.

cocoplus5nuts posted 3/4/2019 11:23 AM

This is a hard one for me. I always had my radar up a little, but never saw any overt signs.

We were living apart at the time due to work, but we were not separated. We would text almost every day. The thing that sticks out in hindsight is that he would just suddenly stop texting in the middle of a conversation. I thought it was because he fell asleep. He does that.

I didn't really suspect until I saw a few of their texts. At that point, I thought it was an EA. I started to suspect a PA when we were living together again and he was much more confident being naked in front of me. Before, he would quickly slip out of and into clothing with his back to me. After, he would kind of prance around naked.

AbandonedGuy posted 3/4/2019 19:59 PM

Speaking of manscaping, mine would wear hotter than usual underwear to work and stopped eating very much. It was all right there, which is why on DDay I knew exactly what she was probably up to, like the bubbleguts erupted and blew past my brain's "she wouldn't cheat on me" defenses. Oh god, that last month was so rough. My gut was "Hello, McFly"-ing my brain so hard.

millionpieces posted 3/5/2019 22:35 PM

Same as others it’s amazing there must be a handbook or something.

Detached
Moody
Stopped answering calls and texts so much so that if there were an emergency I would call my bff
He was always deflecting and saying it was my fault or criticizing
He spent a lot of his time alone in the room
Phone always by his side 24/7 so much so he couldn’t keep a charge on it past 10% bec he couldn’t be without the phone
Interested in new boxers, sock and undershirts
His leaving for work an d coming back later and later while not answering my calls

believehalf posted 3/6/2019 10:05 AM

He was accusing me of bad behavior. He said he noticed a lot of suspicious calls on my phone. He said he got a strange phone call from a moving company. He accused me of protecting my phone all of a sudden (I had no PW but he did). He said I was distant. He got viagra “for me”. He accused me of being on dating sites as pop up adds were occurring. He accused me of staring at so and so.

This was him knocking me off guard. If I was consumed making sure my actions were not inappropriate and defending myself, it would allow him to do exactly what he was accusing me of. Maybe justify it for him. People see in others what’s in their heart.

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