Here is the letter I wrote to the guru of my WS yoga teacher. Names have been changed for privacy. This is my story, thank you for listening.
Where do I start?
Dear Peter,
Thank you very much for taking the time to hear out my wife. We have both decided to begin the painful healing process, first by affirmation of the events that had recently transpired. Alexia has tried her best to recount her experience, now I wish to relate to you my perspective on things. I guess this is the healing process for me to fully release the deep hurt that I have endured from this traumatic experience.
The beginning, Hong Kong 2014-2017
In 2014, Alexia had decided to make a commitment to learning Yoga. We had been married for nine years back then and I have always known her as an athletic woman. She always needed physical stimulation to cope with her high-stress job, or rather she sought out forms of sport as a release from stress. She is meticulous about finding what she wants and is not the type to settle for things that do not meet her standards. She found one that ticked all the boxes, this was Pure Yoga in HK. When my wife sets her mind to something, her focus is absolute and is not parry to distractions. She went to Vinyasa led classes at first, and there she met Chris Poon. He had observed my wife’s practice, approached her, and told her he saw potential. He suggested that to seriously improve her practice he could offer one-on-one instruction. When Alexia came to me with this idea, of course I was initially apprehensive. The mere thought of my wife spending time with a man, one on one, in a yoga studio without my presence was indeed unnerving and made me very uneasy. But this was HK, it’s a high maintenance city, everyone needs to make a buck. The cost for this was quite expensive, but this was the trend in HK, you needed to pay a premium if you wanted to get ahead of the rest.
Alexia assured me there was nothing to worry about. She needed this and the opportunity presented itself quite well. I have always known yoga has its scandals and a dark side, but similar to religion it is not evil. It’s the people who humanise the teachings and rituals, inserting their own perversions that degrade it. I reluctantly agreed as this is what my wife wanted. This would make her happy and as a dutiful husband this was the right thing to do. She never really asked for much, so I was obliged to give in with some apprehension. I always reminded her to protect herself because I wouldn’t be there to protect her, especially in her private sessions. I trust my wife. We harbour no walls, no inhibitions. We could admire other people’s beauty and tell each other, “Hey look at that man/woman, he/she is so attractive…” But we would never replace ourselves with another.
Chris gave her a good foundation in her practise. He grounded her, established good habits early on, which is why now she has such a lovely practice. Honestly, I would have preferred a female teacher as I am quite conservative. Yoga outfits outline the curves of our bodies, and the movements in the asanas “expose”, to my opinion, some very intimate body parts. I felt that a man who watched my wife in her practice cannot help but arouse some level of attraction. It is said and written that the relationship between teacher and student MUST be absolute. There is a clear definition of boundaries that remains throughout the learning process, both on and off the mat. We were very aware that not all teachers respect this.
My wife found purpose in yoga – this beautiful ancient practice fulfils both the body and the spirit. As her practice deepened, she started to yearn for the spirituality in yoga. Chris was not fully grounded in the spirit of yoga. His strengths focused on harnessing the physique, not the psyche. When my wife would ask questions on the latter he often stumbled, referring to his limited experience. This was how his attraction to Alexia first formed. Here was an interesting journey. A student who ticked all the boxes – physically attractive, a successful careerwoman, a mother to four children, and was now searching for the spiritual connection. Chris struggled with the spiritual aspect and saw that she was able to bridge the link between Christianity and yogic philosophy.
My wife has always been naïve, so I have warned her on several occasions. My job as her husband is to protect her from the snares of other men. I think she shared with you that in her life she had only four men. The first was a teenage relationship, the next two were platonic, and the lucky one was me, her husband of 14 years. She was quite cloistered growing up, even committing to apostolic celibacy for an odd 8 years serving the Catholic Church before marrying me. Subtle advances men gave her always go unnoticed. She sees things with the eyes of innocence, thinking it is pure friendship. She trusts like a child which leads to her vulnerability.
The affection of Chris had started to bloom. He texted her, “I treasure you as a student and as a person.” He even sang a song, recorded it and dedicated it to her (these she kept from me at the time). My wife would simply dismiss these as “cute”. It did not raise alarm bells to get away from this person because he could cause her harm. I remember the day when Chris told my wife that he was dropping her as a student because there was no longer anything he could teach her. She was distraught, sobbing as if she had lost a loved one. I even teased, “Look at you, you’re so funny! You look as though you lost your boyfriend.” I laughed but little did I know that Alexia and Chris had a strong emotional bond. Chris yearned to have a partner like my wife because through her he could find answers to yoga and spirituality. Alexia’s bond to him was rather simple. She was attracted to him as a spiritual brother, fraternal love where she found refuge and guidance in her new passion, yoga.
In late 2017, she had the opportunity to attend a workshop with David Robson when he visited HK. It was here that she was introduced to Mysore. From then on, she sought Mysore classes at Pure Yoga and began attending the sessions led by Clayton Horton. My wife is as blind as a bat without her eye glasses. At Clayton’s class, she saw very familiar outlines and shapes of people and recognised at least three teachers in the same class, Chris included. She realised that this was the origin, the practice of the teachers. It was awe-inspiring to find herself in the same room with them. Mysore is the journey she’s been called to. It has specific asanas carried out in a certain sequence and you could bring it anywhere you go. From time to time you’d visit a studio where a qualified teacher would check on your progress, and if you met expectations you move forward. It was perfect! Not only for her, but for me as well. I needed to worry less about prying eyes that would gaze at my wife.
The return to Wellington, February 2018
As our time in HK was ending, Alexia prepared to continue her yoga journey in Wellington. Her constant quest for spirituality, with the guidance of other teachers, led her in the direction of the Upanishads and frequent reflection of the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. It guided her on the interior life of yoga, and most of all, how to bring the virtues from yoga to daily life. When we landed in Wellington, the quest for a shala began. In March, she first attended Mike’s shala but for some reason it did not resonate completely. She did a little more research and found Stewart’s shala. Being quite cerebral and drawing on her 20+ years’ experience in headhunting, she would research a person’s background and qualifications to make an informed decision. Stewart presented himself as an authorized Level 2 Ashtanga teacher, his shala was in proximity from her office, he seemed like a nice person – this ticked all the boxes, and that’s how she started learning with Stewart. On 7th April, she went to his shala for the first time.
My wife’s determination in yoga is relentless. Her practise is something she has come to love dearly. It is one of her priorities in life. She had to be on the mat, the mat empowered her, it was her refuge, her space, her focus where she found clarity. It was her sadhana, spiritual discipline. Through it all, I loved it, I loved seeing it, I was truly happy. I would see glimpses of her practising at home and tell myself, what a long way she has come from 2014. I must admit, I was even proud of her.
Yoga apprentice, July 2018
In the early days, she frequently commented on how Stewart was a great teacher. He helped her overcome obstacles with practical techniques. She finally found a teacher who addressed the increasing difficulty in her practice. He seemed quite learned and knew the spiritual side of yoga, which my wife had been thirsting for. I could not address this as I am no yogi. This was a journey that my wife would have to traverse alone. I had to trust her decisions. After all she had been practising yoga for four years straight and nothing seemed to be wrong (I didn’t know about her dealings with Chris until recently). She was happy that she finally found a teacher who could address the whole yoga package. A strong teacher-student bond was formed in the shala, where Alexia genuinely looked up to Stewart to guide her in the journey of inner transformation. I was truly happy for her. She found a person she could trust, and being my wife, I trusted her judgement completely. I naturally gravitated to Stewart, trusting and revering him as her teacher.
In all this, I guess Alexia had been slowly drifting apart from me, I was less and less a part of her world. Back in 2014 she asked me to join her in this journey with yoga. It wasn’t my thing, I was not ready. As she immersed herself deeper in this beautiful practice it brought more meaning to her life. She emanated a positive energy and had a strong aura of accomplishment. I let my guard down thinking, she knows what she’s doing, she knows what she needs, and she knows how to acquire it. I need not worry. Yoga led her to enlightenment. What was I supposed to fear? Yoga brought calm to our marriage, it brought inner peace. What could go wrong?
The first instance of odd behaviour that I noticed, was when my wife told me about Stewart scolding her on one occasion for missing yoga for a whole week. It was “that time of the month” where females go through their cycle. Alexia mentioned this to me in passing, I even joked saying, “he probably misses his best student.”
The second instance was when he remarked that my wife “smelled like candy,” and on another complimented her on her yoga outfit saying, “Oh, those are my favourite leggings.” I do not take it lightly when a man flirts with my wife. How close was he to know what my wife smelled like; how long had he been observing my wife’s outfits? Alexia attended yoga three times a week.
At one point, he was assisting her in a pose where she needed to balance on one leg. He caught her other leg to keep her grounded and proceeded to rub his thumbs on her shin. On another occasion, there is a pose where Alexia sits down cross-legged, and pressure needed to be applied to the inner thighs. Stewart gladly assisted on this and even gave my wife’s thighs a squeeze after.
Things started to go south when Stewart approached Alexia and asked her if she would be interested in apprenticing. He needed cover during the time he would be in Japan for two weeks in August, conducting yoga workshops in Tokyo, Kamakura and Kobe. Andrew was the assistant teacher and Alexia would be the assistant of the assistant teacher, however that works? Upon hearing the news, she was ecstatic. This was validation that the journey she took four years ago had born fruit. It is in her nature to help people. She has done this for more than 20 years, helping people change their lives by uplifting their careers, giving them better jobs. He began coaching her on how to protect one’s self whilst adjusting students, where some energies may latch on to the teachers. As far as correcting the poses, Alexia was a natural due to the good foundation she learned in HK.
Waikanae - Afternoon tea, 7th October
As a family we had come to befriend a couple from Singapore, Sarah and Joseph. They were both yogis whom Alexia met on the first day she went to Stewart’s shala. Sarah had the more in-depth practice. She was pregnant at the time with her first baby. Stewart had invited Sarah and Joseph for afternoon tea in Waikanae where he lived with his parents. She asked us to join them. It was a lovely afternoon. We walked the tracks by the river, the children enjoyed immensely, running around immersing themselves in the beauty of the place. In hindsight, I noticed that Stewart was walking beside my wife the whole time, talking to her most of the way. It was not obvious to my mind that he was already attracted to her. What I perceived then was a teacher giving the student advise on yogic spirituality. This was his territory, not mine and since I trusted my wife, what should I be worried about? The day ended with an open invitation to come back to Waikanae.
Jasmin Underhill Reserve, 3rd November
On 28th October, he sent a message to my wife asking her boldly if she could help him get through a difficult time. At the yoga workshop in Kobe, he had become romantically and intimately involved with one of the participants. The girl’s name was Ayumi. Apparently, she was already seeing someone else and how he made a strong connection with this woman in a very short span of time is beyond me. Ayumi had long made plans to go to New Zealand, she even had the visa ready and had shared the dates with Stewart.
On 3rd November, Stewart, Alexia, Sarah and Joseph had morning tea after the regular Saturday morning class so he could meet the couple’s newborn baby. Afterwards, he requested to speak to my wife alone for the first time. He brought her to a park near our house (barely a 100 metres), parked up and poured out his feelings about Ayumi. They could have simply done it at home. During the course of the conversation, he had a manifestation that he needed to speak with me to find clarity. My wife called me up to give a heads up that he was dropping by to find answers. That afternoon, Stewart and I spoke about Ayumi at length when he did an intuitive reading on me. He was quite unaware that that I, too, am deeply psychically grounded. We welcomed him to our home, broke bread with him, offered him consolation. This is our nature as a couple – we help people in need. In this instance, it catalysed our relationship with Stewart. It’s the least we could do, he had done so much good to Alexia. We wanted to help him cope with his shattered self and nurse his wounds since he felt so torn about losing Ayumi.
Beach Babylon, Oriental Bay, 10th November
During the workshop you held in Wellington last November, things escalated quickly. Since Alexia was really excited to attend your weekend sessions, she asked me if I could drive her to the city early in the morning (about 5:30am). Having the kids, it didn’t feel right to leave them whilst asleep, make a quick dash to Wellington and zip back. It dawned on me since Stewart was going as well, why not hitch a ride with him? I’ve met him personally and he seemed “safe.” I trusted my wife’s judgement. If she trusts this man with her practice, why shouldn’t I do the same?
After the Saturday session, Stewart said to my wife, “Ok Alexia, today is about you. What would you want to do today?” She didn’t know where this was going. He gave options, take a walk along the Otari-Wilson trail, go to a café in Oriental Bay…? She opted for breakfast in Oriental Bay where he asked Alexia about her life journey. She reciprocated because after all, he was her teacher and perhaps needed to get to know the student’s background to help with the inner transformation process. He next asked my wife to join him for a walk along the beach. He spoke about himself, mostly his experiences in Japan and why he returned to NZ to be with his parents. It didn’t occur to my wife that he had other plans, or that his attraction to her was already firm and had grown even stronger over the past weeks.
Karaka Café, Waterfront, 11th November
On the Sunday workshop, they both ended their practice early and had about an hour to pass before you gave your talk. They wandered towards the waterfront and found themselves at the Karaka Café where Alexia decided to have breakfast. I guess after spending a few moments with my wife the previous day, more so with the constant texting between them, his attraction to my wife escalated into high gear. What deeply moved him was a text she sent, “I am here for you” which he interpreted came straight from her heart. He began to have closure at this time with Ayumi. This was the original purpose. Alexia’s thought process was to give him counsel on his bad relationship experience with Ayumi. As time passed, they needed to return to the shala to listen to your talk, and as my wife got up from the bean bag he held back her arm saying, “Awwww, I am so happy here. I don’t want to leave…” It was a fateful moment. Alexia came to a realisation, “Here is someone who truly sees me for what I am. I need not pretend nor do anything more. I just have to be me. And here I am making someone so happy…” My wife recalled another man at a nearby table who was observing them as a couple. She saw his eyes expressing these thoughts, “I want that, I want what they have… when will I ever have what they have.” And this was the beginning of Stewart and Alexia.
Massage oil, 17th November
Alexia is quite particular about what she puts on her body. Her mother passed away from colon cancer 15 years ago and this experience taught her to be mindful on what goes into our bodies be it toiletries and especially food. When it was confirmed that a very good friend was visiting from the Philippines, she requested that I procure some massage oil for her. My wife rarely asks for things, so I jumped on it and made sure that her request would be fulfilled. She was given four bottles of a massage oil not available here.
One Saturday, Stewart dropped her home. Again, I was okay with this because we lived along his regular route to Waikanae. In my mind, he was a teacher who was having a positive influence on my wife. Her practice was really blooming and I was so happy for her. As Stewart was leaving, my wife slipped into the bedroom and when she passed me in the living room I noticed that she was trying to conceal something. I was curious so I followed her outside to also say goodbye to Stewart. As I opened the door, I saw him giving my wife an embrace. Not a hug, because when he noticed me, he jumped back and smiled. It was an, “Oh shit! He saw me!” moment. I could tell he was a bit uneasy and when I approached them, I looked at my wife as she handed him a bottle of the massage oil. She nonchalantly dismissed this, “Ahh, I wanted to give him some, he needs it. And besides, it’s mine, I can do anything I want with it”. This was so uncharacteristic of my wife. She does not share personal things, even with close friends. An alarm bell sounded in my mind but since I was distant and detached from Alexia, I let this pass.
Te Papa, 24th November
On some Saturdays, Alexia would take our daughters to Stewart’s shala to practise some yoga. I honestly found this cute. My eldest daughter, Katriona, who is ten takes to ashtanga like a natural. She loves to practice. My youngest daughter, on the other hand, just wants to be included in the fold. On this Saturday, Alexia and the girls planned an all-girls day out after yoga to visit Te Papa and spend the rest of the afternoon in the Marae with Kamaka, our dear Maori friend who had recently adopted us into his whanau. The week earlier I met Kamaka, we did a Hongi, we shared the same breath. He became a part of us, and my family became part of his.
After practice, Stewart learned about their plans, offered my girls a lift to the museum but didn’t stop there. He joined them. It was revealed to me at a different time by Katriona that on that day she noticed her mother acting strange. She first cried to me and told me not to feel sad because of what she was about to tell. She witnessed, as they were walking in the museum, her mother holding Stewart’s hand most of the time like she would hold mine. My daughter described it, “you know how people are, they were standing quite close to one another.” My daughter recounted that her mom was laughing the whole time, enjoying the company that Stewart offered. Being ten years old, she dismissed this but was deeply disturbed. And when they arrived home, of course Stewart was with them. I even thanked him for accompanying them (how stupid of me) because I could not be there, being the domestic slave I was every Saturday morning running the household. I cannot fathom how he could easily step into my private life, take my wife and my girls on a date, hold her hand, laugh with her, show her a good time. And then bring her back to me, shake my hand, even give me a brotherly hug, then bid me goodbye! At this point I was pretty sure they had a mutual understanding.
Massey Memorial, 15th December
It was a Saturday, the day of her regular yoga practice, my wife’s “sanity time.” During the course of our marriage, we had agreed to devote time away from one another to look after one’s self. It is a time to explore your passions and develop as a person. A time to take care of yourself to make you feel better. To Alexia, this was Saturday. I held this sacred to her and dealt with anything family-related because this was her “day”. We agreed that during the allotted sanity time, we would be freed from minor domestic disturbances. The other partner would simply deal with stuff, while the other is entitled to relax and do their thing in peace.
Yoga was my wife’s sanity time. She would go to the shala, then come home refreshed. In the past weeks, I noticed that Alexia had become slightly emotional. She attributed it to the “kundalini awakening” where she explained certain practises of yoga would align and open the chakras. Again, I am no yogi, but I had to trust my wife and I wanted to be there for her. She always referred to Stewart as a great help “guiding” her through the process, offering affirmations, dangling juicy spiritual “treats”, the very topic that Alexia was after. He always presented himself well and had the answers, so it seemed.
On this Saturday, she was running late. She would normally be home by lunch time or a little past when she had the girls with her. This day we were expecting guests, Sarah and Joseph, as it was their last weekend in NZ. They would be returning to Singapore and we were holding an intimate afternoon tea with them. 3:00p.m. past and no phone call, no word, nothing. I started to get worried. Alexia had an iPhone so I pinged her mobile location. It showed up in Massey Memorial. This was not in the CBD. What was she doing there? I became more restless when our guests arrived and asked about Alexia. I was quite embarrassed answering I didn’t know the whereabouts of my wife. Up until 5:00pm I was constantly pinging her phone and it remained stationary at Massey Memorial. I lost my patience, finally rang her but she didn’t pick up. She rang me back after a few minutes and said she was on her way home. I mentioned to her our guests are here already, did she forget? Again, this was totally uncharacteristic of my wife, she always had the better memory between the two of us.
In a few minutes she arrived with Stewart at the house. Stewart went straight to the point that he brought her to Massey Memorial to do an intuitive reading and help with her kundalini awakening. Alexia was euphoric. She was recalling how good her experience was, and how beautiful it felt. This is what really happened. In the guise of helping her, he purposely did this intuitive reading to read her soul. By clearing and exposing her chakras, he was able to see my wife’s hurts, griefs and disappointments about her life. I was one of the main issues included as it seemed that I lacked fulfilment in some respects. It was an invasion of her interior life. The experience was beautiful for Alexia because this was the first time that she felt truly understood at a very deep level, and felt peace. So much in peace that after the session, Stewart brought his face near my wife’s face and kissed her on the forehead. In that vulnerable state, releasing all the hurts, she felt she was in the presence of a father and told him, “Come closer, let me kiss you on the forehead, not your lips.”, and kissed him. When she closed her eyes, Stewart didn’t stop there, he still deliberately planted a kiss on her lips. In the car, on their way home, Alexia asked him what the kiss on the lips was for. He dismissed it, saying “Sshh, what kiss…” Clearly, his attraction to my wife had solidified and he had begun to invade my space, my territory.
He presented an allegory to my wife that he could fill in the gaps in her life. Gaps unknown to me, as I was busy raising up the kids and running the family. For my wife to submit to this, he must have done some great ground work. It was later revealed to me by Alexia on how they would often meet after work or in the city. He would whisk my wife to a place near a body of water and talk, lend his ear and shoulder to cry on. He made a strong effort to mirror me, and that she should take him as her lover so she could find some refuge from my shortcomings. Always joking around, making her laugh, and when she’d cry, he’d literally drink her tears. I found that quite disturbing, this man was sick. In those times he presented himself as the man at her disposal, the answer to her woes. This led me to believe that he bewitched my wife because for some strange reason she was completely compelled to share all our private experiences to him in detail.
I guess this would have been the result of my wife’s longing for us to reconnect, as we had been steadily drifting apart for the past 7-8 years. This all happened unconsciously. In 2009, I resolved to do my part in the marriage by giving up my career to look after the kids. I strived to showcase my wife and put her up on a pedestal, supporting her in every way because she had the burden of being the breadwinner. Alexia is a very accomplished woman. She earned her master’s degree in corporate philosophy in Spain, on a government scholarship at that. She managed to graduate with honours as well. I would always refer to this as, “She’s got all the bells and whistles! I can never compete with that.” It was never a competition. Alexia to me was my wife, my treasure, the mother of my children, my life companion. And I guess all those days ended too well for Stewart. Here was a perfect woman who was lost and had a strong longing for the old love of her husband that seemed non-existent. He took pity on my wife and sought to “save” her, wilfully acted on giving her what she wanted using love as an excuse. Instead of returning her lost soul to me, he took and devoured her for himself.
Waikane dinner, 17th December
The following Monday, my son had a field trip to Paekakariki, which is along the way to Waikanae, and I remember Alexia saying she could meet up with me because she would be somewhere nearby. I told her that this was a school thing and we would be done by 3:00p.m. which was too early for her. I dismissed things, again I was too engrossed with the kids. Little did I know she was invited by Stewart to go to Waikanae for an early dinner with his parents, or so she thought. When she arrived at their place, she noticed his parents were surprised to see her there. They were probably thinking, where is her family? In fact, she was greeted by the mom asking how the children are doing. Stewart then announced that Alexia had come to join them for dinner, as though it were impromptu visit that my wife had come to see him. I remember her calling me to explain that this was quite unconventional but she was already there. I truly love and trust my wife very much. There is nothing she could do that would cause me any harm.
Things turned worse after dinner. They took a walk by the riverside and Stewart started talking about Jesus and the angels. We consider ourselves quite religious, being Catholics and deeply rooted in the faith. He then told my wife, “Come to the angel of the water Alexia.” He led her to the edge of the water, took her in his arms from behind, placed both his hands on top of her womb, drew her closer, pressed his crotch against her buttocks, and then ran his lips along the left side of her nape three times, slowly seducing her. Alexia revealed to me that she was so aroused with what Stewart was doing to her at that moment. He then brought her to another path in the woods, one of his favourite haunts, and embraced her again from behind, similar to a few moments ago. He seemed to be waiting for a cue from my wife if she wanted more. It lasted for a few minutes, until she reminded him they had to leave soon. Time was on my side. It was getting late. She had to come home to me and the kids. She arrived with Stewart quarter to nine in the evening, highly unusual for a weekday. He even stayed a few minutes, entertaining our children. She was tired, I was tired, we didn’t talk. I wasn’t feeling confrontational that night, but she knew that I was showing signs of displeasure due to her actions.
The first confrontation, 21st December
We finally spoke about Monday night on Friday, after dinner. I knew she was going to yoga the next day, and I felt it was opportune to get my doubts across. I was uneasy. I told her I had a feeling of being betrayed. I recounted the experience with an ex-girlfriend who was unfaithful to me and I had that same feeling. My wife admitted they were more than just friends. She told some half-truths for fear of retaliation. She recounted how he hugged her from behind in the river at Waikanae, dropping her off at the office after spending lunch together and giving her a peck on her lips. She is such a strong woman. She expressed vehemently that she wanted to stop this and deal with it on her own. I must hand it to her, this was the woman I married, but there was one aspect I didn’t understand. Why was she defending him? She told me she would have a talk with him to establish clear boundaries. After all he is her teacher, (we were still paying fees for his shala and at the same time Alexia would assist more often in his classes) and if he could not man up to these terms he was not worthy of her. I was sympathetic to her that night because I remember when Chris, her first yoga teacher, dropped her like a hot potato, saying he could no longer teach her and that he had to move on. I asked her, “Will you be okay? I don’t want to you end up the way you bawled for Chris.” Little did I know she already had a full-blown emotional affair with Stewart.
Seatoun, 22nd December
This was the last day his shala was open for the year. We had spoken the night before, she admitted to half-truths and wanted to set boundaries with him to restore the absolute boundary between teacher and student. I sternly reminded her not to go to a secluded place with him. When the time came home for her to come home, I was busy running errands delivering Christmas cookies to close friends. I pinged her phone again, the location was Rongotai. My heart sank. I knew she was with him again, but what could I do? I was totally helpless. His grip and influence on her were such that he shattered my wife’s conviction.resolve. I got a phone call from Alexia to pick her up at the Tawa train station where a crystal shop was nearby. I saw her in a thick and gloomy aura, something was amiss but it was not the time to discuss. When we got home I noticed some items, a book (Johnathan Livingston Seagull), a pendant, four punnets of strawberries. She said the strawberries came from Stewart and that my youngest daughter had two punnets to herself (bribery… ugh!). Come dinner time, I didn’t even touch the strawberries, I felt they were filthy.
Afterwards, we retired to our bedroom and began the conversation. I asked her how the talk with Stewart went. My heart started to race when she began breaking down. I knew something was up, but now things started spinning. She finally admitted there was something more to their relationship. I was in total shock. Here was the woman I devoted 14 years of my life to and fathered four beautiful children with, and now she confessed there was another man in her life whom she had come to love in my stead. She argued the reason she fell for him was because I lost myself, and over the years I had constantly driven her away by not being the man that I could be. The man she married was gone, she said, and with that all the love I once offered to her as well. I asked her, why would she do such a thing, didn’t our years together mean anything to her? She pleaded, I don’t know…
What perplexed me was how their relationship had started. I asked for her mobile phone, so I could read their communication. Alexia suddenly became defensive and asserted it was private. I replied, what could be private between husband and wife? She deleted the text messages to protect their relationship. She knew the texts would expose the extent of their love affair. She only succumbed when I threatened to walk out the door if she did not give me her phone. I tried to retrieve the text messages. To my dismay they were already gone. Then I remembered FB Messenger, she forgot that they chatted a lot and these messages were not erased.
I read the messages from the beginning. Word for word, each came like swords stabbing my heart. It became evident that Stewart was there for my wife, he made himself available duringin the moments when my wife needed me. He met all her needs, the yoga, the inner transformation, the kundalini awakening. He sold her the premise that he could be the answer to her sorrow, her desperation, only if she would take him as her lover. We spoke the whole night. I did not, could not, get any sleep. I was deeply disturbed. Here I learned about that walk along the river on Monday evening, taking her in his arms and kissing her on the neck. How he was able to do this to my wife, I do not know. I was curious as to how enamoured my wife was with this man. What sorcery did he cast for her to fall so deeply in love with him, permitting physical intimacy?
I felt so hurt. How could he behold my wife in that light, this interloper who was now sharing my intimacy with my beloved? This privilege is only reserved for me. I had to release the hurt. I started punching my head, slapping my face to cause pain as I had become so numb. My heart could not bear the thought of someone else being intimate with my most precious one. Alexia tried to stop me from hurting myself. Writhing and weeping, she could not bear to see me in so much pain as a result of her betrayal. She kept grovelling on the floor, begging for forgiveness and seeking remorse, but I would not have it. I often sat in silence to recollect, but the pain would hit me again and again. I accused her of falling to depths so low. She was my goddess, and now defiled. I shamed her repeatedly, but it did not make me feel any better. How could I mock my beloved, how could I degrade the mother of my children?
The turning point came when she knelt at my feet, saying she would leave me and the children because she could not bear to see me in such pain and I deserve to find happiness with another woman. She was too ashamed and broken to face me. My heart surged with love. I told her to stop it. This was getting out of hand. I could not bear to see her so broken. Here was my goddess, dethroned, cast away. I held her tight in my arms, searched the depths of my soul for the courage to face this head on, and forgave her. I will not throw away our marriage. I started blaming myself. If only I had paid more attention, she would not have strayed so far. So far away that she had to find pieces of me in other men.
Sunday, 23rd December
Morning had come and I had to rest. She convinced me to sleep a few hours, so I did. I awoke to a message from Stewart. He was so sorry for my sorrow, it was never his intention to take Alexia away from me. I was the one she always wanted to be with and I should use this time to heal our relationship. He added he would talk to me when I am ready. I greeted him with expletives, he will get what he deserves, and that he will burn. I was really suffering at this point. How could he open up the wounds, and so callously throw salt at them by insulting me and our marriage. I rushed out of the house, drove to the police station seeking a restraining order for this man. I didn’t want his influence nor his shadow to be seen by my wife. To my dismay the police turned me down advising I was not the victim, and that Alexia herself needed to file for a restraining order if she felt threatened by Stewart. The officer advised counselling. I felt so defeated, helpless and empty, so I went back home. Alexia and I spoke once more, I showed her the text and she started breaking down again. I told her, do me this favour, my heart is bleeding now, I need to know everything that happened between you and Stewart.
Thus, the chronicle began. She recounted every single detail leading up to the point in Seatoun, where he succeeded in putting his filthy tongue in my wife’s mouth. He took her into his arms like he did at the river’s edge in Waikanae but this time whilst standing along the shore, kissed her passionately. They both lay in the sand and he kissed her again, and my wife kissed him back… Earlier that day, the couple had lunch in a Mexican restaurant in Miramar, where she spoke to him about setting boundaries, where and how their affair would carry out in the New Year. She told him I had become suspicious, because of the talk we had the night before. I honestly do not know how he interpreted their conversation, but he thought I was okay with what all that had happened between them if only they would set limitations. He even replied to her, well, if he suspects we already kissed, we might as well do it anyway. He squeezed my wife’s thighs with his knees under the table, giving her a naughty grin. Once again, I broke down in tears.
I felt violated. Stewart had finally succeeded in invading my intimate space with my wife. At that precise moment, he had replaced me, erasing my wife’s desire for me. I was nowhere in her heart. There he was smugly taking advantage of the situation as it served him. My wife even played coy with him saying, “Do you know how many men have been wanting to kiss these lips?” He started nibbling on the top lip remarking, is it this one? Went for the bottom lip, or this one? Then proceeded to further violate my wife with his filthy tongue. My wife recounted she did not feel passion as they were French kissing, hesitating and even moving away a few times but as he was engorging himself like a 17-year-old boy he kept on pursuing the kisses. Time again was on my side. She needed to go home. As she was dropped off the train station, he French kissed her again. When Alexia arrived in Tawa she visited the crystal shop, and bought a rainbow fluorite crystal in the shape of a heart which she intended to give him.
We spoke the rest of the day, trying to process the hurt and destruction this one man had caused our marriage. I needed clarity to know what had transpired, remove myself from the picture and the process. Why would Stewart target my wife? Piece by piece it all came together.
Patterns
He is a predator who preys on his students, and the hunting ground his shala. Stewart revealed many things to Alexia in the course of their affair. She described his experiences in Japan, where he got embroiled in an affair with a married Japanese woman who already had children. The woman was so enamoured with him, to the extent she wanted him to sire a child. She even went to great lengths to purchase a plane ticket to America for his birthday so they could attend a healing seminar together. He spent four years in a relationship that from all angles was morally wrong. Returning from America, things started breaking down and they parted ways.
The remaining years in Japan, he victimised the students from his own shala. In one of their conversations whilst talking about his love life, she asked how many lovers he has had in the past. He said he would only reveal it to her if she agreed to become his lover. She replied, “If the conditions were right, and there is a time and place when we are both available, then I would not want to be just one of your many lovers. I would want to be your first, only and final wife.” He vehemently replied she was not yet fully awakened, therefore, she could not make a fully conscious decision based on the truth. He later revealed that he had no more than three relationships per year, and that all of them were his students. This occurred over the span of the next three years or so after breaking up with the married woman, before he returned to New Zealand.
I pondered over this. I found it hard to believe how enamoured my wife was at the time. In this conversation they had again erased me from the picture. I did not exist. How could my beloved do this to me? This was the extent of his influence on her and, I conjectured, on all his victims.
Christmas Eve, 24th December
After more processing and healing the following day, I came to a realisation. All the time, it was me whom my wife was calling out to for over seven years. She found pieces of me in the men she befriended in her life, the biggest chunk, unfortunately was Stewart. I decided to collect myself and be the man I once was. The one whom she loved and committed to.
It was Christmas eve. Our children – we couldn’t miss or postpone Christmas. They are the reason for our existence. I picked up my act and told Alexia that part of our healing process is to involve the children. They need to know what sort of problems their parents are facing and if they have any input it will be taken into consideration. On the dinner table, we broke the news to the kids that Mum and Dad were going through a very rough patch because a trusted friend whom we welcomed into our home tried to take make Daddy go away. The children took it well. We told them we could not be friends with Stewart anymore. Katriona then spoke up about Te Papa as I recounted earlier. This was a new stab in my heart, to realise that my daughter had to witness such a travesty. She felt it was wrong to see her mother holding hands with a strange man, laughing, showing him affection.
I knew from then on Stewart had his claws on my wife for some time now. It was revealed that he preyed on my wife even in the shala. She felt his gaze in savasana and caught his stare while resting on her side. Katriona described he paid special attention to her more than other students, giving adjustments and manoeuvred closer when assisting with her drop backs. During the week, he often expressed his affection to her in the refuge of his shala, giving her loving embraces.
He even gifted her with a pair of feather earrings at one point. He said, “Here Alexia, I want you to have wings, so you can fly.” They had numerous catch ups, with mostly my poor wife footing the bill. He made such an effort to come down from Waikanae to pick her up at the Porirua train station after work, whizz her to some place near our house to talk, then drop her off home. In their last week together, he dropped her off at the Wellington train station and made a confession, “Alexia, there is something that must be said.” He paused for some time. “I have this uncontrollable passion for you.” It is nothing short of a miracle that he had tried to keep things under control.
Reflections
It was clear that he had the intention of ruining our marriage. He told Alexia, “I’m borrowing BrokenGiant’s wife” to shake him into “waking up” so she can return to him. How can you borrow a man’s emotions? How can you borrow a wife? He sought to fulfil his emotional and carnal desires, and when shit hits the fan, crumple the person and toss her into the hard-to-do basket. As you have mentioned when you spoke to Alexia, he is greatly confused, too etheric, and delusional. In my opinion, a man who would prey on another’s wife and destroy her resolve when she is extremely vulnerable has no moral compass.
To my eyes, he has a modus operandi. He scouts and observes the students in his shala, identifies who have high potential in their practice, then suggests if she would like to apprentice as a teacher. He then focuses all his attention on the student, gets to know her on a personal level, unearths her troubles, processes them, then makes a connection. It is a superficial connection making it seem they have much in common, and furthermore he can be the answer to solve her woes. He leads them to an intuitive reading session, where he exposes the chakras, sees the tender soul of the victim, then positions himself right at the centre. Like a thief in the night, he enters the house and steals the riches.
In Alexia’s case, this is what happened. She had a couple of major unresolved issues in her life, exposed in the intuitive reading session. He could have simply led her back to me, telling her that she would be able to find my lost heart. After all, it was never lost, just hidden from plain view. My love for her had always been there, though she did not recognise it. Stewart snatched the opportunity, allowing his selfishness to overcome him, and lusted over my wife.
In their talks, he would say he was “wet” or “sitting on a rhino” and my wife would simply dismiss these lightly as jokes. Alexia has never been with another man since we got married. Neither had she “experienced” another man before we got married. I married her pure as can be and I vowed to keep her from all these tribulations. I was supposed to be her protector, her shield, from all the malice and snares of the real world. But I was wrong. Evil can find its way.
He consciously knew what he was doing throughout. I really find it hard to comprehend how he could secretly carry out an affair with my wife, then come into our house and lie straight at my face, making it all seem perfectly normal. Yes, he would come to our house often, play with my children, reward them with treats. Little did I know he was laying the groundwork to seduce my children into liking him. Perhaps he thought this would make the transition easier for him, in case his sinister plan succeeded in taking me out of the picture.
In one of their many conversations, he expressed his wish for Alexia to have his child. My wife didn’t answer yes but told him that his daughter would have looked exquisite. He was exploring the possibility of basing himself in Spain with one of his business ventures. Alexia has always had an affiliation with Spain having lived there for nearly three years, so he was enthralled by this. He suggested that when things settle, she could base herself there with her FIVE children and that it was about time that a man took care of her. His biggest problem was Alexia would always come home to me, and he resented that time and again. It was the sheer reality that she was still my wife, the mother of our FOUR children and in some strange way found it difficult to comprehend that despite all her woes about me, she still truly loved me.
My wife’s practice was accelerated by him. She was well into the primary series when out of sheer dedication to ashtanga, I was surprised when she shared that Stewart declared her ready for the intermediate series. I was beaming and proud of what she had accomplished but something was telling me this was not right, especially with what came with it. She mentioned about the chakra opening that came with the rigorous practise, and as for the side-effects she would experience mood swings and emotional breakdown. I remember one time in HK where she recounted that she broke down in a yoga class because of a heart chakra opening, weeping uncontrollably. I am convinced Stewart knew what he was doing to my wife. After all, this was not his first time, nor was my wife his first victim.
The reason we came to you is because you can make a difference. There have been precedents. I fear that as long as he has contact with women in a shala, these events will repeat themselves. He mentioned numerous disturbing thoughts to Alexia, but this one struck me the most, “When you are enlightened, man-made rules do not apply anymore.” I believe in the natural order of things. No matter how enlightened you become, we are all parts and pieces, each meant for a specific purpose, in the bigger scheme of Life. Yoga is one of the paths to enlightenment. He treads this path, may have even found enlightenment, but has created a world where he is his own god, serving himself. He misuses the teaching, making it an instrument to lead women to his personal paradise where he can do as he pleases. He did this to my wife. He used his influence through yoga to ensnare Alexia, knocked down all her defences, destroyed her resolve, entranced her to love him and believe in his empty promises.
In hindsight, I asked Alexia, do you honestly think he could have lived up to the 14 years we have built? Would he take care of the children? Would they eat what he eats? Would he cook, clean up, mentor, bring them to school, all of which I lovingly do for my kids? How would all of this fit in with his lifestyle? Had he taken me out of the picture, would he have stepped in? Once he found all this too hard, where would that leave Alexia? Alone, broken, ashamed wanting me back. All he wanted was a good time with my wife but would never be man enough to take the responsibilities that came along with breaking up our marriage.
Peter, Yoga is such a beautiful thing. It strengthens the weak, refreshes the poor in spirit. On 26th Dec, I began my yoga journey. I asked Alexia to be my teacher in ashtanga. She will be the one to help me heal, regain strength, refresh our souls, and our love shall be renewed through our practice. I regard him with pity for using what was most sacred to my wife to ensnare her. Stewart’s actions, done consciously or in delusion, corrupts all that yoga stands for.
Thank you again for listening. This is my story which I place at your feet.
Namaste,
BrokenGiant
