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reframing needs and validation (repost)

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Maia posted 9/2/2019 09:52 AM

Maia posted 10/28/2019 07:12 AM

bump

Maia posted 10/30/2019 11:27 AM

for brokenwings63

Maia posted 11/7/2019 08:06 AM

Maia posted 12/15/2019 19:07 PM

Maia posted 1/24/2020 08:24 AM

:-)

Maia posted 2/11/2020 07:53 AM

Maia posted 2/24/2020 10:29 AM

Maia posted 3/25/2020 12:00 PM

MIgander posted 3/25/2020 14:20 PM

Thanks Maia

MIgander posted 3/25/2020 14:51 PM

"To a starving man, even what is bitter tastes sweet."

the story told that night was of a man who'd been sexually abused as a child by a man he loved and admired. And as he talked about his journey into homosexuality and that lifestyle and then his eventual turning away from it and his new life... he gave that quote. It's from proverbs.

and I looked up a lot of stuff on temptation and overcoming it. And I came to see that the way to overcome temptation is not to deny myself. That sounds funny. okay. The thing is, somebody who is full, who is not hungry, doesn't want cake. The words used in the original bible text for overcoming a temptation convey that idea. Unhealthy things have no allure for someone who is whole. Their needs are met.

but I had been starving my whole life. and I'd gotten used to bitter things and thought they were all that was out there. (a lie) So I dealt with the roots of that. and I accepted that the bitter things i was using to meet my needs....no matter how sweet they might seem, weren't as good as what I -could- have. And of course I'm talking about xOM.

This is so helpful. The belief that the bitter things (insert negative/defeatist self talk here) we believe about love and relationships are true is what keeps us locked in our bondage. It's terrifying to let go of all the old patterns- like a starving person who's only had bitter greens to eat is given a banana, but doesn't know it or trust it as food. The starving person will throw away the perfectly good and nutritious only to go back to the bitter greens as it's all they know.

It's like in the movie Great Expectations, where Stella talks about love, "Let's say there was a little girl, and from the time she could understand, she was taught to fear... let's say she was taught to fear daylight. She was taught that it was her enemy, that it would hurt her. And then one sunny day, you ask her to go outside and play and she won't. You can't be angry at her can you?"

Thanks for re-posting.

Maia posted 4/22/2020 23:34 PM

You're welcome.

Pippin posted 5/25/2020 20:30 PM

Honestly, you could have just said read Galatians. I think the word count is lower. :) J/K - I love this post. It's always worth a re-read, or an initial read for people figuring out their whys and what nexts.

wantstorepair posted 6/1/2020 21:10 PM

Thank you Maia, there is so much here that resonates and you laying it all out is very helpful, especially all you wrote about validation. Need to read several more times... thank you.

Pippin posted 6/2/2020 21:23 PM

If this helps you, you can also read her story in her profile. I had it all printed out and highlighted at one point, the stuff that put into words what I felt but didn't have words for yet.

NeverTwice posted 6/4/2020 12:58 PM

Hi Maia,

I have read a lot of your posts now and you have some really great insights. I appreciate them very much. And, while I do not share your faith, I am verry happy it bring you comfort and helps you in your life journey. But, as a bisexual woman, this bothered me a little bit.

And as he talked about his journey into homosexuality and that lifestyle

Sexual attraction is not a 'lifestyle'. Nor is it a choice and the vast majority of cases. And calling it a 'lifestyle' is both demeaning and insulting to me. I have had it used, exclusively by Christians, as an excuse for the most horrendous behavior you can imagine.

And while you are perfectly free to say what you wish - I would hope you choose to be more understanding of us. And understanding of what those words do to people like me who have had them used as a hammer to bash, denigrate and invalidate who we fall in love with.

All the best.

Maia posted 6/17/2020 10:30 AM

thanks NeverTwice. peace.

NeverTwice posted 6/17/2020 11:30 AM

Thank you Maia. When you spoke about using verses loving it made me reflect back on that entire relationship.

And I realized that, yes, I was being used. I was the breadwinner - she was still living with her parents. It was my home and I paid all the bills. She had a few part time jobs but she never really contributed to the day to day expenses.

And catching her with her AP in my bed was awful enough (I literally collapsed on the floor and thought I was going to die on the spot) finding out it had been going on for more than 6 months was even worse.

Again thank you - like DaddyDom I am not religious. But your post is full of great insight. And has helped me now, 35 years later, to understand more of her whys.

Kind Regards 💖

Maia posted 6/17/2020 11:41 AM

I'm so glad it helped you. I'm praying for you.

Pippin posted 6/29/2020 15:16 PM

Keeping the trilogy, trilogical.

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