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My New/Old Beginnings ~ Help needed.

25yearslater posted 1/12/2019 11:06 AM

Hello all,

I don't post often but do read often and I have been working a lot of myself.

My "New Beginnings" has been a journey. I have done a lot of work on myself.

Well, I am starting to think I am the one that is keeps being hit by the karma bus, or some force not allowing this to happen.

In the past month: my son lost his job (he is 22, high anxiety, has depression, and not in the healthiest relationship). I have been working with his therapist about the relationship but the job thing has sent him into a little bit of downhill spin. My 4 year old dog has had several grand mal seizures and has been diagnosed with epilepsy. The meds have bad side effects (accidents, extreme hunger, confusions, liver issues ~ if not watched closely, ...) but we are adjusting. The med has to administered every 12 hours so 6:15 is the time that it is happening. Last Friday my mom called and she was in the medical room where she plays bingo. I couldn't leave to get her until after the meds were administered (and thankfully she was OK with that). This Friday she called from ER. After a 9 hour wait they decide to admit her. She has been having mini strokes and 80% blockage. Thankful to her doctor who sent her to ER for an MRI instead of having her wait for an appointment. She is in the hospital and will likely have surgery this week.

I am getting tired and feeling a bit selfish. I just don't for-see me gaining a "life" back so that I can really start living my best life. And I have been at this new beginnings for several years. Please don't get me wrong, I have an OK life and many things to be thankful for. But at this stage in my life I wanted to be an empty-nester with the ability to start living and enjoying.

I also look at some of the life stories that I and wonder if I am drama magnet or what I am doing wrong.

How can I get back on a path to gain myself again? Thanks!

BearlyBreathing posted 1/12/2019 11:51 AM

Hey 25YL,

Life can be overwhelming right? That is full plate you have. I understand how you feeló I found out about affair, lost my job, house burned down, learned about false R, Díd, my dad died and my uncle 2 weeks later - all in 2 years. It felt like every time I got back up, then I was knocked back down.

But. I am here. I am healing and getting stronger. I have proven I am resilient.
And you are there. You must be strong to be handling all that is on your plate (even if you feel overwhelmed by it). You are obviously resilient and caring.

I am confused by you working with his therapist as he is an adult. Can you clarify that? But he needs to build his resilience and he needs to learn how to pick himself up and move forward. Help him,absolutely,of course, heís your adored son. But do not enable him nor take his issue as yours. You do not need to shoulder this completely on your shoulders. Regardless, your son is a young adult and relationship issues and learning how to navigate the work world and all this is totally normal for someone his age. Itís not karmaó itís just being that age.

As for your mom- one downside of our age (Iíll be 52 in 3 months) is that our parents are in the age group where stuff happens. My mom died at 70, my dad at 81. This is not you attracting drama or the karma bus targeting you. This, sadly, is the natural order of things. Just crappy timing for us. I am sending mojo that your mom is doing better and that if she needs surgery that she is on the mend quickly.

Your pup. That is just bad luck and I am so sorry. 4 is young and very unfortunate. Just love on her and sheíll give you that great puppy love back.

Itís a lot on your plate it really is. But your son will move through this time and come out stronger. Your mom will get the blockage cleared and get on some of the good meds for stroke prevention. Keep moving forward, donít forget to take care of YOU in all this, and keep posting when it gets to be too much. A vent can help keep the pot from overboiling, right? Keep a gratitude journal, focus on the more positive pieces of your life for a few minutes every day to help keep your balance. You are living authentically and lovingly- thatís a huge part of living your best life. Trust that you will get through these tough times. Because you will.

Sending hugs and strength. (((25yearslater)))

25yearslater posted 1/12/2019 13:42 PM

Thanks so much for replying.

My son ~ he has pretty significant mental health issues and that is why I am in contact with his therapist. He has been doing extensive DBT since September. He has been hospitalized 2 times for suicide stuff shortly after XWH left (adopted so this 2nd abandonment has been very difficult for him, also learning disabilities and ADHD).

I too had a boat load of things happen during that terrible DD (multiple times) and finally divorce. But nothing like a house burning down ~ so sorry to hear about that!

I think I am very tired. With an epi dog it is hard to sleep very well (that is the most common time for seizures).

No I am sitting in my mom's hospital room fighting with her because she doesn't want surgery but at least I am getting some work done. My grading for this weekend is already finished!!

BearlyBreathing posted 1/12/2019 13:57 PM

Ah your poor son. Itís so awful that WS donít think about the amazingly wide repercussions of their selfish actions. I hope his therapist can help get through this. (And hi mom! )

josiep posted 1/12/2019 16:37 PM

That is a lot to handle at one time and I wish you lived nearby and I'd take care of the dog for a week or two for you.

But keep plugging along. Maybe all of this is your training for the dynamic and wild life you're going to have in a few years. Ziplining in Costa Rica, Paragliding in the Bahamas, Skiing in the Alps, Snowboarding in Colorado and doing genealogy research in Salt Lake City. Oh, and walking up the Statue of Liberty and the Washington Monument and going to the top of the Eiffel Tower.

Truly, these situations are the perfect time to work on yourself, practicing proper breathing and using gratitude and/or mindfulness and/or AlAnon and/or eating chocolate until you find the kind that makes you feel the best. When you come out of this full plate with a smile on your face and peace in your heart, you'll be ready for anything. Like fun, fun, fun.

EvenKeel posted 1/14/2019 07:34 AM

Adulting is tough! As parents, we want to 'fix' things and the older our children get; a kiss and a Band-Aid no longer do the trick. That is an overwhelming and hopeless feeling.

Factor in your poor dog.

Then aging parents.

You are not a drama magnet. This stuff is all 'life stuff'.

I get it, I really do. I was at my wit's end last year. I had debilitating pain, my son was shot, my mom was found unresponsive and when they brought her around she couldn't walk, talk, nor sit up. She didn't know who we were or even who she was herself.

So I understand. I clocked many tears as I was driving to and fro anything (cried driving to work, cried driving to hospital visits, cried in the shower, etc).

You hang in there!!! Cry if you feel like it, scream into your pillow if you want, pray-pray-pray if that helps you. BUT remember you are a STRONG person!!! You are a survivor!!!

And hold onto the belief that the best is yet to come. That really helped me!

TrustGone posted 1/16/2019 12:47 PM

It sounds like you are living the "one thing after another syndrome". I have BTDT too and still do at times. Unfortunately we have no control over other peoples lives. It is unfortunate about your DS, your dog, and your Mom. None of us signed up for this kind of life and imagined a whole different life at this point in time, but it is what it is and we deal with it one day at a time. Vent, cry, journal, pray, post, or whatever makes you feel better. It helps to get it out of our system. (((HUGS)))

25yearslater posted 1/16/2019 20:34 PM

Thanks again for the support. My mom is having surgery on Friday. Coratid (only 1 side) is 75% blocked. I keep telling her that it was good that they found it before something irreversible happened.

DS broke up with his girlfriend. I am so proud of him! It was not a healthy relationship.

The dog has been seizure-free and had a med check check today.

Keeping my fingers crossed and thanks for letting me have my little tantrum!

25yearslater posted 1/16/2019 20:34 PM

Thanks again for the support. My mom is having surgery on Friday. Coratid (only 1 side) is 75% blocked. I keep telling her that it was good that they found it before something irreversible happened.

DS broke up with his girlfriend. I am so proud of him! It was not a healthy relationship.

The dog has been seizure-free and had a med check check today.

Keeping my fingers crossed and thanks for letting me have my little tantrum!

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