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The pain is to much

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Ripped62 posted 12/6/2018 12:26 PM

Get her out of your life. Give or require that she remove all her possessions from the residence now including pets. Require she take them immediately. Get your property back including the car now. You do not need to call her dad. Let her and her dad figure out how to finance the car. She is smart enough to have an affair and keep you on the hook to pay bills and store her items, she can figure out how to meet her transportation needs. Read about the 180. Only talk about finances which should be never. Stop playing her games and allowing her to manipulate you. You are keeping yourself in this drama. Get out now.

If you cannot do this see an attorney and they will. Keep a VAR on you whenever you are with or near her in case she files domestic battery charges against you.

Get on with your life and heal. This should be your focus now.

Being a victim of her infidelity stops when you decide it does and take action.

[This message edited by Ripped62 at 12:36 PM, December 6th (Thursday)]

Ripped62 posted 12/6/2018 12:44 PM

At some point develop empathy for the pregnant other betrayed spouse. She needs to know your ex girlfriend is banging her husband and may poach her husband. She needs the opportunity to file for child support and rid herself of your wayward girlfriend and if she chooses her wayward spouse.

At least she needs to know the type of person her husband is and take steps to protect herself and her child.

Who told you not to tell her? Was it the brother of the OBS?

[This message edited by Ripped62 at 12:44 PM, December 6th (Thursday)]

beenthereinco posted 12/6/2018 13:13 PM

Don't let her set the schedule here. You've already established that you will wait for her work schedule to have this conversation. Why? She has time before or after work right? Just tell her when you want to meet and where. Somewhere public would be best like a Starbucks. Go there. If she doesn't show up send yer a message telling where when you are taking the dogs to the pound and when she can find her stuff on the front porch.

Edited to ask this because I haven't seen any update. Have you talked to the OM's wife? If not why not? Why are you not letting that poor woman know what is happening here?

[This message edited by beenthereinco at 1:23 PM, December 6th (Thursday)]

5pointoh posted 12/6/2018 13:36 PM

She sent another text that said exactly this "Just putting this out there, i legally have 30 days to move all of my belongings and you cant take the car because the title is in both of our names. Lol how idiotic is that? She just contradicted what she said. She doesn't even have insurance yet because she needs SR-22 insurance and no license!!!!! The insurance is in my name and i am the primary account owner.

Freeme posted 12/6/2018 13:39 PM

You know she got her own phone because she didn't want you to have access to who she is talking to and texting. Now she can tell you she dumped him or that she "just needs time alone to work on herself or..." yes, not paying for her phone is the right move on your part. I just want you to understand her reasoning. You need to tell the OBS or the OBS brother now while your evidence is still current. I really don't understand the holdup on this issue. The longer you wait the harder isn't going to be.

Also, the meeting up to take the car and give her the dogs and tell her to get her stuff out is a good one but... you've proven to be too nice a guy. Are you really going to leave her stranded with two dogs at Starbucks? It's fine if you are but...I don't see you following through. I'd just tell her that for liability reason you need to take your car back. That she can have it back if she finds someone to cosign and get your name off but you are keeping it until then and that she only has (2 weeks) to line things up before you sell it.

I'd give her a reason and a date to get the dogs out too. I've got a friend that is going to be staying with me that's allergic and they need to be out by Monday... then I'd change the locks. It's not your circus anymore.

Have you read Falc thread? Very similar in that he didn't want his wife (2 years) to move on but ... eventually saw that stalling and playing "nice" was only hurting him and helping her cheat more.

[This message edited by Freeme at 3:55 PM, December 6th (Thursday)]

beenthereinco posted 12/6/2018 14:27 PM

Is she on the lease? Don't take legal advice from her in any respect. She has no idea what she is talking about with the 30 days. She is likely getting half-baked legal advice from a friend and confusing the eviction process from a landlord. If she isn't on the lease then I don't really know the rules, best to do some googling in your location or call an attorney. If she is on the lease then I think legally you cannot bar her from the house but I'm no lawyer so my advice here is worth as much as her's.

How exactly is the car titled? The loan doesn't matter as much as the title. Is it titled to you? To you AND her? To you OR her? The differences are important. With an AND neither of you can sell it, with an OR either of you can and if it is in your name alone then do whatever you want. I had given a car to my son who went off the rails with drugs but even though it was his it remained titled to me. He could not sell it and I was able to get it back.

5pointoh posted 12/7/2018 05:31 AM

Well I wanted to give everyone and update from our texts yesterday and to see what you all think about my replies. She brings up the ceiling fans because she bought 4 ceiling fans from tax money last year that cost a total of less than $500. Mind you my mortgage is $1200 a month which she never paid a dime too nor any of the bills for 2 years. Anyways here is what was said:

Her: Just gonna put this out there I have legally 30 Days to move my stuff & car is in both our names so you can't take it

Me: I know u do and you just contradicted yourself, if we are both on the title I can take it. But I don't even want the vehicle I want to know what you are gonna do about financing it in your name? Getting your own insurance? I'm at a huge risk right now because legally u shouldn't even be driving it. Someone can run into you, not only will you go to jail but I can be sued since your not even covered legally. So your gonna have tell work you got legal matters to take care of, because why am I gonna keep putting myself at risk each day when we are no longer together? Why am I gonna keep paying insurance on something I don't have?Would u do that if the roles were reversed? I don't think you would. You need to figure this out ASAP like tomorrow and this weekend who's gonna finance and take over the loan for you.

Her : I work a double I will handle it this weekend. Also I've already talked to acceptance about my sr22 I get that Friday my check is on hold at navy federal bank. Then I'll go down to navy federal and look Into refinancing it. Because now I'm salary. And after I handle that I'll look into a storage unit and come get all my stuff. I'm losing money because I've dumped money Into your house that I won't get back so the least you can do is work with me.

Me: That's good, I hope 🤞 you can get it taken care of this weekend and get it titled and insured in your name and me off of it. Are u getting your licenses too by tomorrow or Saturday? And they won't care about salary or how much you make, it's your credit and credit history that determines whether or not you will get a loan. So you better have a planned co-signer to sign for you again. You chose to walk out the door I didn't make you. I won't even get into the money lost and who paid what because you are gonna lose that battle really quick and I think you know that.

Her: I won't drive it until I figure it out okay. By next Friday everything will be taken care of its better then letting it get repoed and fucking up your credit I can't shit money out but I would like at least half of what I paid for those fans

Me: Then it needs to be parked over here until you get it taken care of. Have your friend follow you and drop it off. You know I got to replace the carpets in the kids rooms before I sell right? And our bedroom where it's bleached. Like why would you expect compensation when I received none from you from all the things I paid for and did for you? I'm not asking to get back anything. The only thing I ever asked you for was your car payments. I paid for everything else the entire time we were together including a couple of those car payments when you were out of work and didn't have a dime to your name that did affect my credit because it was so late. Did I ask for compensation from you? No I took care of it and had your back like I always did without asking for anything in return. And still your $100 short from your car payment when I paid it in full over 2 weeks ago.

She never responded after that. Is the truth and reality sitting in to her? Is that why she has no response? Like you lived basically for free for 2 years and you act like I owe you for that?

GoldenR posted 12/7/2018 06:34 AM

Why is she silent?'re no longer catering to her every need. You're no longer giving her everything she asks for. And she doesn't know what to do.

Cooley2here posted 12/7/2018 06:37 AM

There are two ways the law can look at this. The first is that she volunteered to leave, and left. The second is you evicted her. In my state that has to be done with law enforcement. You give notice by the cops and she has thirty days. If she has left and taken all her belongings make sure that meets abandonment. You might have to go to small claims court about the car to protect your credit. Regardless of your broken heart you still need to protect yourself financially.

beenthereinco posted 12/7/2018 11:21 AM

This is all strange to me legally because you say that the house and mortgage is in your name and she was just living with you, right? No lease arrangement? I have a hard time believing that you need to evict someone with no legal right to be in your house but if you think you need to then why not at least make sure that the 30 day clock has started. Do whatever you need to do formally to notify her. I have my doubts that it is even needed but then I'm no attorney. Not sure if you have a friend that is a landlord or an attorney that you can ask what to do here so that you don't have to spend any money but if not this seems like something an attorney could answer and write up for you very easily. She sounds like she might make trouble for you legally so it might be worth a couple hundred dollars to button this up tightly.

Freeme posted 12/9/2018 09:19 AM

What do I think of your replies? You’re getting stronger but you still sound like you want her to fail financially so she will have to come back. You’re still trying to be a nice reasonable guy that she can turn to if her affair fails. If I see this in your replies.... so does she. She has no reason to “work” with you while seeing that her plan B is ready to save her at anytime.
Please tell me that I miss understood your post. She has a drivers license right? She doesn’t have a car in your name, with no lience and no insurance....right?

Why did she not continue texting? Because you were killing her “fun” buzz but using reason.

Why are you not telling the OBS?
Why are you not sending her the dogs?
Why aren’t you giving her dates that things must b

5pointoh posted 12/9/2018 16:43 PM

I haven't told OBS yet because i do not want any more unnecessary drama added into the situation. My #1 priority right now is getting the vehicle back until she can figure out how to get it all in her name and her own insurance on it.

I went to the police station today and they told me since it is in both of our names i can legally get it anytime i want. I just wanted piece of mind with that.

She still has not responded to that last text i gave her Thursday night. I was able to see where she was thru snapchat gps. Whenever she used snapchat it would update location, was going to use that to be able to easier obtain the vehicle, but she befriended me on it so i can no longer see. I know i can still get it at her work or the apartments though.

I am planning on this week sending a text about the dogs. I just have not contacted her since she has not responded to me.

But no those texts were to not be intended as she can fall back on me, and maybe indeed it was perceived that way but definitely not my intent. I guess i need to be more aggressive and demanding i do see that i am lacking that still.

As angry as she has gotten me with all this blocking shit, not responding, and doing whatever she wants when she wants, i realize i need to now. It just baffles me how you can turn your back on someone so fast and ignore when that person was the only one there for you for such a long time. Play victim and think you are still owed something.

Marz posted 12/9/2018 17:22 PM

She sent another text that said exactly this "Just putting this out there, i legally have 30 days to move all of my belongings and you cant take the car because the title is in both of our names. Lol how idiotic is that? She just contradicted what she said. She doesn't even have insurance yet because she needs SR-22 insurance and no license!!!!! The insurance is in my name and i am the primary account owner.

Bud you were just a checkbook. Do you see it now?

Marz posted 12/9/2018 17:24 PM

Her other man has promised her the moon. When he doesn't come thru she'll be back at your door. Be prepared for that.

Wool94 posted 12/9/2018 17:25 PM

I haven't told OBS yet because i do not want any more unnecessary drama added into the situation. 

Really? Are you concerned for your will cause drama?

So you are currently allowing him and her to get away with hurting this poor pregnant BS? This unfortunately makes you an accomplice in something up their affair.

[This message edited by Wool94 at 5:26 PM, December 9th (Sunday)]

5pointoh posted 12/9/2018 18:14 PM

No i just do not want to lose my security clearance for getting into an altercation, but i will once she is completely out of the house and i have sold it. To me cheating is cheating, it doesn't matter when you find out and i would believe the wife would feel the same once she knows.

I am sure he is promising the moon and back and she is falling for it. She did use me as a checkbook and i think she feels now she can make it on her own working all these hours now as a manager and seeing him everyday but i know that shit wont last. Food and Bev business is one of the most inconsistent jobs you can have, people come and go so much and her history has already been that way.

Falc posted 12/9/2018 18:31 PM

Read my thread dude. Get the car ASAP, same shit happened with me but I put my foot down and kept the car. She's blocking you on social media and playing the victim, just like my STBXWW. She's gone. Tell the OBS, you have nothing left to lose. You're hopeful just like I was, look where I am. I still lost her, she was gone a long time ago. You owe it to OBS to tell them, there will be no consequences for you.

5pointoh posted 12/9/2018 18:58 PM

Falc, just read your post but only the first and last page...dont think i can go thru all 44 pages lol. But yes very identical to me, to where she said the same thing to me. That i had made her so fn unhappy this last year for not showing enough love and attention towards her (which is a bit of an exaggeration) it put her in the most depressing times of her life.

She denied the cheating and once she got a this better job she was out even though she promised me she would give me one more chance to make her believe in me again. I too blamed myself and like you it does suck because i know she is still texting him throughout the day..seeing him at work everyday while like you im here alone, looking at this walls talking to noone. Its only been 2 weeks for me and these holidays are going to suck because just last month she was telling me how excited she was to travel to spend holidays with me and my family. Now i am just being ignored as the bad guy.

I have been listening to this song on repeat and was thinking about sending it to her...because it really really hits home...probably will make you emotional at first but i think it also helps. Listen to Post Malone...I fall apart. He had the same happened to him and you can feel the pain when he sings it. She has done this to me twice now and thats what he says in the song. Hits home x1millon.

BBBD posted 12/9/2018 19:10 PM

No songs, ever. No emails about love, period. Just makes you look weak. Come here and vent if you have to.

5pointoh posted 12/9/2018 19:15 PM

I know, i got to continue this NC and not supposed to send something like that. The only text i have sent are the ones i revealed. Haven't heard anything since Thursday. Her bank card came in and she had been asking about that last week, so i am sure the next text i will get is if it got delivered and if so can i leave it in the mailbox for her. I am going to say no, she can come to the house and get it since she did not drop off the car and quit driving it until she gets a license, insurance and in her name like i asked, why should i do what she says?

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