Hello everyone, I do not know how to start this off so I am going to try my best. I have really no one else to talk to about this besides a few family members, but I never give all details like I want to do here. Because I know once I tell them she cheated, they are going to say kick her out immediately and I just do not want to do that.
My GF and I have been living together with her 2 kids for a little over 2 years. I am 38 and she is 26. I blame myself a lot with good reason for making her feel the way she does now, but I still do not agree on her cheating. She does not know that I do know either. For about the last 8 months or so I was a very non-affectionate and attention given person. She begged and pleaded with me that all she wanted was my love and attention and I always agreed that I would do better. Honestly, I never did,
I loved her but being complacent took over thinking she would still be around no matter what I did.
I regret doing this more than anything. She still told me she loved me and I did too, but we stopped sleeping together, mainly because the bed hurt her back every time so she slept on the couch all these months. There was no sex life, I guess it became more of a roommate deal even thou we loved each other. The flame burned out.
Again, I was just so complacent with things and ignored all the warnings. I finally pushed her to her breaking point. She started a new job downtown as a bar manager to where she worked with another guy there. He is supposedly married himself. Checking the phone bill I could see that she was texting him all throughout the day every day. I work in the morning and she works late at night so we hardly see each other now and they of course always see each other. By the time she comes home im already asleep, and only see her for maybe 30min when I come home before she has to leave. She rarely has a day off.
Anyways as soon as she started working there is when I noticed changes in her.
One night she failed to come home during the weekend I was off and the kids were at their father’s house. I was up of course fearing the worse, and texted her repeatedly to which she never responded and nor answered any of my calls. I found out she stayed at his residence that night through the SNAPCHAT GPS locator. Mind you we both have iphones and we both always shared our location through that. She stopped sharing it that night but she forgot SNAPCHAT also uses it. I asked who she was with and she said her cousin, that was the only response I got.
She finally came back and we talked, she told me she is numb and I had made her so unhappy and that every time she asked for change it was though I didn’t care. I did care but she was right I never really tried like I should have to show her the love and affection she had deserved. I guess you could say I didn’t wake the hell up until all of this. I cried my eyes out to her, because all the regret and love starting hitting me. I promised her that I would do more stuff with the kids and show her the love and attention she deserved.
I pay all the bills including her phone and insurance. She only makes her car payment. She told me she appreciated that but she just wanted me to change and I never did. I told her I don’t blame her for the way she feels toward me now, but begged that she would give me one last chance. She said she would.
Fast forward a week, she is still talking to that guy each and everyday through text and phone calls. She has not been back to his house yet but I do believe they had lunch before work yesterday together. She very rarely will text me and every time I tell her I love her thru text she will never answer to it. She will say I love you though when she leaves and with a kiss. That is about it. She still does not know I know about him and her and how
I know she talks to him all throughout the day when she is supposed to be giving me a last chance. I’ve been doing everything I can especially with the kids and around the house and showering her will love and attention. She has told me that im amazing and appreciates all that im doing. Still, she talks to this guy throughout the day. I asked her this morning through text, if she still wanted me and wanted to make this relationship work. She basically said that she loves me as a person and always will but doesn’t know how to accept my apologies in fear of being hurt again. That she is finally starting to heal but because of work hasn’t had time to think of what she wants. That she still needs time that’s all.
So what do I do? Do I let her know I know about what shes been doing and done? How do I approach this. I have never once talked to or been with anyone else our entire relationship. I was always faithful. I want to respond with, “well I hope you take the time you need without anyone else being involved in influencing your decisions.” I think I have lost her for good and it’s the holidays and it sucks. I am just so heartbroken, confused, and hurt. I hardly eat now and have lost 10lbs, its hard for me. Thank you for listening as I am looking forward to any advice shared.