I still think that if your BS has outright said, "just leave me alone," then you should LISTEN TO HER AND LEAVE HER ALONE.
No offense to pinkpiggy & hikingout, as I think they generally give good advice, but they're both waywards and they're both telling you to try something this Saturday or to set up a spa thing or sangria. That's still not being left alone!
As a BS, and a mom to two little kids, there is nothing that I crave more than just alone time. I stay up wayyy too late some nights just so I can watch a tv show in peace and not be bothered by anybody, except for my cat. I wake up exhausted and feeling like crap, but when everyone else is a sleep is the only time I can be "alone."
I actually enjoy spending time with my WS, but sometimes I REALLY JUST WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE. No one touching me, no one knocking anything over, no one asking for a snack, not folding laundry or doing dishes, no WS asking me if it's okay for him to give X food to our toddler (t/j: WHY ASK ME!? You're her parent, too, no?) I just want to sit by myself. Alone.
How old are your kids? If I remember correctly, you have like 3 or 4 and one is on the spectrum, so I don't know how much you can deviate from your normal routine, but can you order pizza or takeout for the kids on Saturday nights? Can you do bath and bedtime for them all? Can you take care of everything your wife normally does, without asking for advice or instructions for the evening so she can just sit in her bedroom and do whatever she wants? Just pretend she's not there and give her some alone time?
I'm an introvert, and I'm also exhausted and "touched out" from having a high needs toddler that wants to be on me (and only me) 24/7. It's incredibly frustrating to tell someone what I need/want and to be ignored with ideas of what THEY think I would like instead.
Recently my WS got me a massage. I didn't want a massage. We're in debt from his A, and we can't afford extras like a massage. I could have used that $100 and put it towards many other things that I NEED, but have been putting off doing or getting. All I wanted was a nap. Not some big expensive gesture that I didn't want. I didn't enjoy the massage, couldn't cancel (already paid for), and left feeling annoyed and stressed.
She wants no communication, emails, cards from me, she just wants to be left alone and I am afraid to say anything to her about anything other than mutual stuff like kids, finances, when I cross paths with her in the house. I am really not sure what to do
Again, she's telling you what she wants, but if you still feel compelled to do something,
She is also not really a fan of that sort of thing.
If she's not a fan of spas, what IS she a fan of?
[This message edited by ibonnie at 4:14 PM, November 8th (Thursday)]