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Newest Member: LonelyandUnsure

New Beginnings :
Aging and authenticity

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 cdagal (original poster member #38154) posted at 2:11 AM on Tuesday, September 25th, 2018

I recently turned 59. It’s turned out to be a wonderful new beginning. I’m 8 years out from Dday and almost 7 years divorced. I have chosen not to be in any serious relationship during this time. I continue to live alone in my very comfortable condo. I retired last year so am no longer defined in any way by what i do for a living. I was happy, content. But there was always something wanting. I’ve now found it. I decided to let my grey hair come in naturally. I had resisted this for many years thinking that it would affect my position at work and my date-ability - that i would “look my age” What it has done instead has been to free me from the prism of our youth-obsessed culture. It has allowed me to enjoy sex in full daylight, to relish in this awesome aging body of mine and to allow another to enjoy it as well. I have never felt so comfortable in my skin. I can truly say that i am in a love affair - with myself! There is something to be said for finding your authentic self. I found it through grey hairs. However you find it, it’s a wonderful thing.

There is no education like adversity - Disraeli

posts: 274   ·   registered: Jan. 16th, 2013   ·   location: Canada
id 8253398
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WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 2:27 AM on Tuesday, September 25th, 2018

Wow! Go you! Thanks for this post, and glad you are so happy!!

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4526   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8253405
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Newlease ( member #7767) posted at 2:50 PM on Tuesday, September 25th, 2018

I will be 58 in December. I still color my hair for a few reasons, one of which is that I don't want to be seen as "old" at my office. I long for the freedom you are describing.

NL

Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

posts: 8471   ·   registered: Aug. 1st, 2005
id 8253598
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BrokenheartedUK ( member #43520) posted at 5:04 PM on Tuesday, September 25th, 2018

I'll be 54 next month!! Weirdly, I don't have much in the way of gray hair but I have noticed the odd one coming in... Finally!! Aging body...check...good sex life...check...feeling authentic...check!! Go you!

Me: BS
He cheated and then lied. Apparently cheaters lie. Huh. 13 months of false R. Divorced! 8/16 3 teenage kids
"The barn's burnt down
Now
I can see the moon"
-Mizuta Masahide

posts: 3432   ·   registered: May. 24th, 2014
id 8253695
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FaithFool ( member #20150) posted at 5:47 PM on Tuesday, September 25th, 2018

I broke up with Lady Clairol over 25 years ago and never looked back.

I've had plenty of compliments from young women on my long salt-n-pepper hair.

OTOH the pressure to look young in the workplace is very real, I've had countless job interviews where I've experienced the "elder recoil" from at least one younger woman on the hiring panel. It's very real and I was always waiting for that look on their face like there's a bad smell in the room.

Then there was the one interview where they didn't have that bias and they hired me based on skills and experience. That was pretty awesome. I go back to work for those folks in November as my post-retirement part time gig. Never say never.

[This message edited by FaithFool at 11:47 AM, September 25th (Tuesday)]

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

posts: 21594   ·   registered: Jul. 7th, 2008   ·   location: Canada
id 8253741
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HappyTree ( member #56916) posted at 6:32 PM on Tuesday, September 25th, 2018

Hey, I'm 36 and this summer I was dating a 34 year old. I loved his "salt and pepper" hair. I still do. I found it super sexy.

When I'm old with grey hair, I want to wear it in two braids. I love that look.

Married 11 years
D-Day in October 2016
2 kids- 10 and 8

posts: 400   ·   registered: Jan. 15th, 2017   ·   location: Caribou, ME
id 8253795
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TrustGone ( member #36654) posted at 10:05 PM on Thursday, September 27th, 2018

I am with you. I will be 56 next month and only have a few grey hairs here and there. I have a bottle of color under the bathroom cabinet that has been there for months and I haven't touched it. My new husband is totally grey but shaves his head due to lack of hair on top. He thinks I am great just the way I am. No more getting up earlier to brush my hair and put on make-up like I did for years with my XWH's. There is something totally freeing about that. I still put on a little make-up when going somewhere, but not like I once did. Other than the pains that come with being older, I think old age does make us more authentic. I am so glad to know someone else feels the same.

XWH#2-No longer my monkey Divorced 8/15, Now married to a wonderful man.
"A person is either an asset or a lesson"
"Changing who you are with does not change who you are"

posts: 10077   ·   registered: Aug. 30th, 2012   ·   location: Texas
id 8255532
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Phoenix1 ( member #38928) posted at 10:39 PM on Thursday, September 27th, 2018

I started greying prematurely - early 30s. Been coloring my hair ever since because, alas, ageism is truly a thing in the workplace. It is just a routine for me now so no big deal. My face actually looks much younger than my years (or so I get told regularly by different people anyway) so I am not thrilled with the idea of having my hair detract from that one genetic bonus.

My oldest DD is starting to see some random grey hairs coming in (she just turned 27) so she is experiencing the same early greying. She shrieks to high heaven to me about it on a regular basis, and blames me of course. I just tell her, "Welcome to my world!" She's blonde though so it is much less noticeable. I am a dark brown naturally, so my greys stick out like a freaking neon light!

fBS - Me
Xhole - Multiple LTAs/2 OCs over 20+yrs
Adult Kids
Happily divorced!

You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~C.S. Lewis~

posts: 9059   ·   registered: Apr. 9th, 2013   ·   location: Land of Indifference
id 8255564
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Gemini71 ( member #40115) posted at 3:58 AM on Friday, September 28th, 2018

I'm 47 and have some Elvira stripes going at my temples. I have occasionally colored my hair...BLUE...or AQUA! It looks super cool and bright on the grey. Unfortunately I'm in the middle of a job search so I have to look professional now, so back to brunette I go. (sigh)

DSs 21, 16, 12
About my Ex:
IDK
IDC
IDGAF

Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Divorced 11/18/2014

posts: 3406   ·   registered: Jul. 30th, 2013   ·   location: Illinois, USA
id 8255760
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dancingmom66 ( member #52372) posted at 12:46 AM on Saturday, September 29th, 2018

I am 52 and stopped coloring my hair in March of this year. I am a brunette, so I got blond highlights to ease the transition.

I would start to see gray at my hairline within 2 weeks of a color. I love not having to worry about getting into the salon. My SO loves it. He was the one that encouraged me to do it.

For me, it is not so much about authenticity as it is about ease. I refuse to throw away my lipstick.

D-day 3/18/16
Divorce was final 10/6/16

posts: 138   ·   registered: Mar. 22nd, 2016   ·   location: mn
id 8256493
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staystrong101 ( member #41068) posted at 4:23 AM on Saturday, September 29th, 2018

Beautiful post, thanks for sharing!

posts: 681   ·   registered: Oct. 21st, 2013   ·   location: United States
id 8256618
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