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Tips for Online Dating

HappyTree posted 9/19/2018 13:38 PM

So, I decided that next week I'll be ready for online dating. I have one major concern. I'm a semi-public figure in a small town. From browsing the OLD options in my area, there isn't anything for me. I'm a liberal hippie living in a conservative small town. What are some tips you guys have for when someone contacts me and I'm just not interested? I really don't want it to impact my career.

LilBlackCat posted 9/19/2018 13:47 PM

I don't know that I would do the online dating thing then.. cause anything you share or say on there.. would likely not be held private.

WhoTheBleep posted 9/19/2018 14:09 PM

Agree with LilBlackCat.

Try to meet someone the old fashioned way. Just get out there. Be open to it.

I.will.survive posted 9/19/2018 20:06 PM

I agree that OLD is not the route I would go if I was a semi public figure in a small town. Do you have meet up groups, volunteer opportunities, singles mixers? I think I would want to chat in person and be more casual about it if my face was recognizable online.

shakentocore posted 9/19/2018 21:05 PM

Maybe online dating isnít for you.

But....do you have an online presence (FB, Twitter, instagram)? I would choose one (if I were starting from scratch, Iíd go with instagram). Post things that are upbeat and non-devicive, but would be appreciated by fellow hippies.

You could also get involved in meetups or volunteer. Say yes to more parties. Get out there.

EvenKeel posted 9/20/2018 07:00 AM

Do you have private dating services in your area? My cousin worked with an agency that screened folks, then sent you information on matches. She would then look through them and if any were of interest to her, she notified the agency that it was ok to release her secure email address for that person to contact her if interested.

The other person would then have no way of knowing if you saw their profile and was just not interested.

I am not sure I 100% agree that you are not a contender for OLD. I did it and never had a profile picture posted. So unless you said who you were, they wouldn't know you were a public personality until later. I know I have seen a good many profiles that explained they had no profile pic due to their jobs (mostly police personal). I actually encountered this with one of my OLD guys. He was famous in his own rights (published author, syndicated radio show, etc). Once we messaged back and forth a bit, he was then ok with sending a picture and his FB link.

And there are all sorts of people out there. I am sure you are not the only single, hippie there (even though it feels like it).

Now if OLD is not your thing, maybe there are other avenues you can pursue? Hobby groups, etc?

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 7:01 AM, September 20th (Thursday)]

HappyTree posted 9/20/2018 07:14 AM

There really is not alot of options where I live to meet new people. I do volunteer at a few places, one being a local co-op. But I'm not meeting people there that are date able for me (either married, too young, too old, etc...). I've looked into meet ups and I've done a few, but they are all a pretty far drive for me.

I have gone to a crap-ton of festivals (9 this year) and I'm meeting people, but not the right people for me. So, I'm thinking that maybe I need to try something different, which is why I came up with the online dating idea. Plus, I think it will be good for me to "practice" talking to guys, going on dates.

I'm mostly just wondering what are kind things I can say to guys who contact me and I'm just not interested in them? Lately, this town feels like "different people should connect" but I know that some kinds of guys I am just not going to be interested in and I don't want to waste our time.

Cheatee posted 9/20/2018 08:05 AM

FWIW, I'm a semi-public figure in a smallish, albeit fairly liberal town.

I did OLD and found my partner through it.

It's a small enough town that my XWW's affair with a drug addict was well known enough that no one apparently begrudged me a chance to date through the culturally approved mechanism.

redfury posted 9/20/2018 08:59 AM

If you are not interested, there is no reason to respond at all. No answer is an answer and you certainly don't want to start feeling obligated to strangers.

cancuncrushed posted 9/20/2018 10:22 AM

If its a small town, I would consider looking into the next closer town....more to pick from...not so gossipy...if your sure this town holds zero for you.

Dating is hard...finding someone to date is hard...I personally am not interested online...I have to enjoy their company...hard to do online. Just talking online might be fun....but nothing more for me.


keep getting out...the old fashion way...it just happens...usually...you cant rush things. and know everyone has down times.

EvenKeel posted 9/21/2018 12:35 PM

I'm mostly just wondering what are kind things I can say to guys who contact me and I'm just not interested in them?
I think this is probably pretty universal regardless of your local fame ....I always used the "Sorry I don't feel we are a match but good luck on your endeavors".

There is no need to explain why. Folks are looking for different things so that is not unusual.

I will say that I would not shoot down everyone that is just not like you. As they say opposites attract and you might find yourself giddy over some fellow that you would have never thought in a 100 yrs was your 'type'.

I actually found my type via OLD was much different than my past. I think it is because you have a much greater chance of seeing their intellect, drive, wit, etc when you have nothing to go by but messages at first.

I was able to weed out those guys that might have been really cute but their messages consisted of:
W'sup babe?

Another idea - do the folks in your life know you are looking? These folks at your events might be wrong age, married, etc but they may know someone?

better4me posted 9/23/2018 20:33 PM

I think I would choose to either 1. Ignore the ones who don't interest you or 2)Say "thanks, but I don't think we are a match".

I was always careful not to explain my reasoning, because it always seemed that that was an opening for the other person to try to talk me out of my reasoning for not pursuing contact. You can always block someone from seeing your profile if they get to be a bother.

Most people with any experience with dating develop a thicker skin, so I wouldn't imagine that rejecting or ignoring someone on a dating site would hurt your reputation even in a small town.

I was surprised though with how many people I saw IRL in my small town after seeing them on the dating site. That acknowledgment was usually a knowing glance or a smile rather than an actual conversation of "Hey, I know you..."

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