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Furious and don't want to break my NC

GraceLove posted 9/18/2018 20:01 PM

Have been in NC for 8 months! Yay me.

I need to vent:

I HATE him so much. He lied to the utility company. I am now making payments. He has tons of money, I am living off of my savings and small amount of money I make teaching classes.

He is such a piece of sh**. I am furious. I'm furious because he seems to have control with the property settlement. He just doesn't want to pay and is prolonging it. I'm sooooo in debt with my lawyer.

And I'm sad. I'm sad that my youngest DD is being influenced by him. I'm sad that my body feels like it is breaking down. I just want to get out of this f***ing country. I'm stuck, yes it feels like I am stuck in Australia. I just want to go home to Canada.

There is so much that I have to do before that happens. And unfortunately I am dealing with a liar, a cheat and a thief. As if getting divorced isn't hard enough.

I hate this country. I hate everything about being here today. I also hate my life in this moment.
It's all so unfair!!!! He cheats and I am the one who has to do so much physical work to prep the house for sale, to figure out sooo many things to make the move back home.

How can such a piece of sh** get away with so much? I hope he rots in hell. Surely there must be a seperate corner for cheaters.

I'm so mad. My body aches. My to do list just keeps getting longer. I don't want to work anymore. I have to though. I'm just feeling really, really negative and sad, and alone. I feel so damn alone right now.

I'm so exhausted from all of this. I have been trying to do all the 'right things' to stay well. I just feel at the end of my rope. I can't seem to get any comfort for myself. My usual tools are just not working today.

I never thought I could fully hate someone so much. So deeply. And the anger! Oh the anger that I don't know what to do with cause I don't have the energy to even get angry!!

I'm finding it hard to see the light today.

BearlyBreathing posted 9/18/2018 21:10 PM

Hey friend. Tough night! I am so sorry. Please just focus on one day at a time. You will get through this. You WILL get through this.

hardtimesinlife posted 9/18/2018 21:50 PM


Cattlefarmer posted 9/19/2018 03:23 AM

Sending you a PM.

EvenKeel posted 9/19/2018 07:01 AM

I am sorry he is being such an azz. Why do they do it? IDK - because it fills some sick control need? Or maybe they don't even know why.

I am eight years out and STILL amazed at the stuff my ex will do.

You can't figure it out; so don't try.

I know you feel beyond overwhelmed right now but you keep hanging in there. You are such a strong person - just look how far you have come.

What is that saying? Something about when you are ready to throw in the towel, instead just wipe the sweat from your face and keep going.

Someday this will all just be some distant bad memory - promise.

TrustGone posted 9/19/2018 08:23 AM

I remember feeling the same way. Hang in there. It will get better once you get through the initial bad crap to get out of infidelity. Don't break NC. He won't care and will probably just make it worse. (((HUGS)))

ChangeMaker posted 9/19/2018 09:55 AM

Hang in there Grace... take everything one step at a time. Take care of all these things like they're part of your job - just keep ticking them off the list.

I don't know where you're from, but soon enough you'll be back here enjoying some smoked salmon, peameal bacon, maple syrup, poutine, PEI potatoes, Tim Hortons, and/or Cheezies before you know it! You'll be bitching about the cold, and swearing at geese too, but that's a different thing...

WhoTheBleep posted 9/19/2018 14:13 PM

Girl, I am right there with you.

I fantasize that a sinkhole opens up underneath WH as he is walking into the gym. My kids are safe with me, and he's just, POOF...gone...

Disclaimer:. It's a fantasy!! I'm not homicidal, folks. Promise.

GraceLove posted 9/19/2018 18:43 PM

Well, I've calmed down today. Thanks for all the posts.
Thoroughly enjoyed the Canadian reminders...I promise myself I will not complain about the cold...oh to be in that glorious cold weather...

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