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Different perspective

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skerzoid posted 5/8/2019 23:20 PM

Well Doc, I got to say that I'm glad we got out of the British Empire while the getting was good.

Our divorce laws are bad enough, but you Aussies got a real rough deal. This year of hell before you can even divorce sucks.

I'd ship her off to the Outback without even a Bloomin' Onion if I had to deal with her sorry traitorous ass.

You can get mad here Doc, let it out and stay calm with her. Once the deal is signed, you are still going to have contact with her the rest of her life. But make it as little as possible.

She will lose it the first time she hears you are out and about if you know what I mean.

Revenge will be you moving on and finding that woman out there that is more than she could ever be.

Atg100 posted 5/9/2019 22:06 PM

Other women - whenever I look at another woman at the moment, all I can think of is ď here is another person with needs ď.
I know where this comes from - for the last 11 years , I have only ever given, never received anything but lies.
I take my time . First I only look after myself , then the kids.
Nobody else in the equation.

Her lawyer, who pocketed $10000 of my hard earned money is away. No progress this week.
I can only shrug my shoulders
I cleaned out my house further; donated all the baby clothing and toys , I still had.
My stbxw contacts me and asks how I could do that without asking her.
I replied that she had moved out six months ago, I had offered in writing that she could take whatever she wanted out of the house and that she never replied .
It has been fair to assume that she didnít want anything
Big drama.
Apparently she wanted some of the baby clothing .
But why???

ibonnie posted 5/9/2019 22:24 PM

Apparently she wanted some of the baby clothing .†
But why???

Sentimental value. I'm not particularly sentimental, but I still have a newborn sized onesie, and the little hats and hospital blankets (yes, I took them) that each of my kids came home with.

Atg100 posted 5/9/2019 23:12 PM

I sort of agree .
But according to my stbxw - she never loved me and had children too early..
Thatís why I am wondering

Marz posted 5/9/2019 23:33 PM

You'll know soon enough.

Some need to count or matter. I've seen this a few times. She'll probably expect to be part of your life going forward. The dreaded "friends thing".

Even though she cheated and left.

AFL1000 posted 5/10/2019 00:52 AM


Have you considered that this interest in baby clothes and toys has come about because it's her first Mother's Day this Sunday (12 May) since you guys separated and as ibonnie has said at lot of sentimental feelings are rising to the surface.

As she had the kids last weekend for her birthday they will be with you this weekend. It's these types of occasions that are now really going to hit home with your STBXW when the kids won't be with her.

Have you organised something for the kids to do to recognise the day?

Atg100 posted 5/10/2019 00:56 AM

My daughter had a motherís day Special at her kindergarten which she attended .
I will buy the kids flowers which they can give her in the evening, so they donít come empty handed .
But ...

Atg100 posted 5/14/2019 12:46 PM

Still no reply from her lawyer to get even started prior to mediation.
My options are now to wait.
Or to pay $6000 to get a court date in 3 months where the judge will tell us to meet for mediation.
I have wasted so much money already, Iím sick and tired of this.

paboy posted 5/14/2019 13:57 PM

I was wondering whether you had had any progress. Perhaps try a direct, nonconfontational approach with her. Letting her know the extra cost that is occurring, and that you both need to move on. That you both can create a life that you both can be happy with. And the children as well.
Although, I have to admit,it's a mountain that you are having to climb.
My wife is bipolar, and I seriously consider she has a lot of narcissist actions. And to be honest, I have found dealing with her, virtually impossible.
One thing that seems to help is when someone else instructs/suggests rather then me.

Good luck...

Atg100 posted 5/14/2019 14:19 PM

I tried the ďniceĒ email 2 weeks ago.
Just enquiring what was happening, given the time which had passed .
I received an answer without any details but immediately pointing out that she wasnít holding things back on purpose.
So, I think the ďniceĒ email didnít work.

HalfTime2017 posted 5/14/2019 15:30 PM

Most likely she is just dragging her feet in getting the necessary documents back to her attorney and so forth. Usually the attorneys don't like to delay, unless its strategic. Once the separation date is set, and there are no tax law changes that I know are coming, they want to move things along so that they can go on to new clients.

Maybe shes getting a comfortable support payments that she doesnt want to end thats causing her to delay, but at the end of the day, there is only so much she can do to delay. She cannot hide from the system. Hang in there and push ahead.

ff4152 posted 5/14/2019 17:29 PM


Out of curiosity, how long could she drag this out? If it wouldnít cause you a financial hardship, $6000 could be money well spent.

Atg100 posted 5/14/2019 18:37 PM

We did have a quick email correspondence.
She claimed not to know whatís going on.
I wrote that she owes me quick and uncomplicated divorce proceedings.
I remained calm and to the point in my email.
I suggested that both of us need to move on.

I did not tell her, but if I donít hear from her by Friday, we will go to court.
There is my line in the sand.

AFL1000 posted 5/15/2019 06:10 AM


Just seeking clarification.You said that "still no reply from her lawyer to get even started prior to mediation". So where does the holdup with progressing the divorce process reside.
Is your STBXW not providing the information her lawyer needs. Or is it just a delaying tactic by her legal team because you keep incurring additional lawyers fees but she still gets her support payments.

I am glad you have acknowledged that you need to draw a line in the sand and this situation cannot continue. Let's see what happens Friday.

Atg100 posted 5/15/2019 18:17 PM


I donít know the reason for the hold up.
I asked my wife to contact her lawyer regarding a letter my lawyer sent on the 9th.
No reply.
My lawyer is of course trigger happy and wants to go to court ($$$)
I asked him to make another attempt at contacting the other lawyer , just to say ď we would like to discuss mediation ď
I just feel that we need to have made all reasonable attempts at communication .

Atg100 posted 5/16/2019 05:12 AM

My stbxw replied .
I asked her if we could have a quick chat about her understanding of where this is heading.
She answered that she doesnít have time this week, but she could ring me next week.

Thatís pretty much an answer .
My lawyer will try to ring her lawyer one more time tomorrow.
If we donít get a sensible answer than we go to court.

AFL1000 posted 5/16/2019 07:18 AM


I asked her if we could have a quick chat...She answered that she doesnít have time this week, but she could ring me next week.

What Bullsh*t! Your STBXW can't find some time to have an adult discussion with you about moving the divorce process along. She is still playing games. Doesn't want to deal with the reality that you can get on with your life without her.

While the 6 grand hurts getting a court date sends her the clearest of messages ...You're not playing me anymore and I want this finished.

By the way are you able to get all or a percentage of these legal costs deducted from her final payout? You mentioned you were required to pay a lump sum for her to engage a divorce lawyer.

Atg100 posted 5/16/2019 17:46 PM

I donít think my chances are high.
If we really end up at court I can demonstrate that I made reasonable attempts to communicate since February.
But who knows ?
My lawyer will make another attempt today to call her lawyer; hopefully we will get some sense out of that professional ?

Atg100 posted 5/19/2019 15:17 PM

My wife bought our daughter a second hand iPad, which my daughter occasionally brings to our house.
I never looked at it.
Yesterday my wife realised that all her emails and notes get duplicated on this iPad, as she used her Apple ID for it.
She emails , appealing to my honesty to tell her if I have read her emails and notes.
I told her , I havenít , but at a guess the emails contain the following topics:
How to squeeze money out of ATG
How to make the divorce ATGís fault.
I told her I donít care, I want her and her emails out of my life, could she please hurry up with the divorce proceedings. Iím busy living my life.
She rang- she had made mistakes, she now realised for the wrong reasons. She asked if Iíd hate her, I answered that I didnít hate her anymore, I just wanted her gone.
She cried and asked if we can get back together.
I told her that if she was really sorry, she wouldnít delay divorce proceedings . I had seen who she truly was and that the answer is that the two of us simply were not compatible . I told her I wished she had been honest before we had kids, said good-bye and see you on Wednesday .
And that was that .

[This message edited by Atg100 at 3:18 PM, May 19th (Sunday)]

NoOptTo posted 5/19/2019 15:42 PM

Wonderful responses to your STBXWW questions. Have you heard from your lawyer? I hope he was able to reach your STBXWW lawyer. But it seems you will have to spend that extra money to force the issue. Your STBXWW sees the future now. She is going g to try to prolong these proceedings as long as possible. Her gravy train is coming to an end and she knows it. Time to assert pressure so you can get on with your new life as a newly single person.

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