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Different perspective

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paboy posted 4/27/2019 18:36 PM

Maybe give the process a nick name.. The twilight zone or something. Better still Looney tunes. Something to bring a bit of humour to the situation so that it does not weigh you down. Concern being the emotional and psycological long term effect it will create in your future life.
Of course, keep it to yourself.

Marz posted 4/27/2019 20:15 PM

I recently introduced her to my boy's guitar teacher ( via email ), using her maiden name.
She freaked out " I am still Mrs ATG ".

Now that was funny

Marz posted 4/27/2019 20:21 PM

i suspect now that you read through the communications you can clearly see the manipulation/cake eating attempts.

She's dragging the divorce out for control and to cake eat off you.

It hasn't dawned on her yet that you've turned the corner. She still thinks she has the power to control you and the outcome.

It's obvious she's still in her fantasy phase. It maybe in your best interest to keep her there. I know a guy who niced his wife until the divorce was final before unloading. His kids were grown so afterwards he cut her completely off and blocked her.

AFL1000 posted 4/28/2019 00:33 AM

Hi ATG

Fortunately your medical training conditions you to keep detailed notes of all email, text and verbal conversations with your STBXW. Should the shit hit the fan regarding any future divorce/settlement negotiations you will be well ahead on the documentation front. Well done and keep it up.

Regarding the conversation with your son's guitar teacher where she immediately jumped in and said she was still Mrs ATG this may be because she wants to continue to use your name. I would suggest as part of the divorce settlement you give consideration to getting her to formally revert to her maiden name ..through her actions she has lost the right to use your family name.

Atg100 posted 4/28/2019 05:25 AM

Yes, she has treated my family name with complete disrespect; who knows what is going on in her head, that she wants to keep it.
She must somehow think its to her advantage , it can't be for anything else.

If you want to control others you must first control yourself.

I have thought about this quote:
I don't think it's about me and my wife.
I think it's about me and my children.
Any action were I would let my anger take over, would have repercussions on them.
But I want my children to grow up as honorable people, with good core values.
They won't get those from their mother, so I need to be the one, who is living these values
They need to look up to me and think : he really weathered the storm and came out a better person.
This doesn't mean I need to accept any shot, I take from her anymore.
But any action will have to be well thought through.

NoOptTo posted 4/28/2019 06:11 AM

I love your last comment ATG. Your showing your children just how much integrity and class you have. Your being the rock that they will depend upon in the future when their mother will short change them. I also like how you introduced your STBXWW using her maiden name. A simple, you lost the right to use my name when you slept with Ace will suffice if she reacts to it again. I agree that she still thinks that she thinks she can still have you as a back up plan though you have put her in your rear view mirror. Continue being polite with her. Keep your conversations short and to the point concerning the children. And, let your lawyers hammer out any details concerning the final D decree. Your future is looming, and your going to prosper without your XWW.

Marz posted 4/28/2019 09:04 AM

Children learn the most from their parents.

Good and bad

[This message edited by Marz at 3:09 AM, May 1st (Wednesday)]

Atg100 posted 5/1/2019 17:40 PM

And it continues being unusual .
2 weeks now since my lawyer wrote to her lawyer to even get step 1 started , still no answer .
All they have to decide is the following question:
Do you agree on the asset value or do you require a further evaluation .
That’s the question since February , nothing more detailed than that.
Still - no answer .
And old rule suggests that whenever something is so odd, the explanation is in 95% incompetence and in 5 % intent.
Why intent? The longer she waits, the more my private practice will grow and I can only imagine that she may wait for that.
But what about other explanations ?
She was “friendly “ in recent correspondence .
Yesterday when the kids got back to me, she appeared exhausted and the kids told me that she was screaming at them during the day.
I asked for a reason and my boy said that she told them that they were “annoying “.
I never scream at my kids.
They are never annoying .
They are no angels - they are messy, don’t eat vegetables , want tv, iPad and everything all the time.
But they are actually happy children who clean up, eat vegetables and stop watching the iPad when you discuss things with them and engage.

[This message edited by Atg100 at 5:52 PM, May 1st (Wednesday)]

paboy posted 5/1/2019 17:56 PM

It will be great when all this ugly is behind you.Might take a little bit longer, but keep up the excellent work that you are doing for you and your children. Its eventual effect on the children will be life long.

HalfTime2017 posted 5/1/2019 20:14 PM

ATG, they cant stonewall you forever. Keeping pushing ahead on the D. Even if your private practice grows, you can control that for now. Play the long game to win.

Marz posted 5/2/2019 03:20 AM

Doesn't the earnings lock on the separation date? Not sure about your laws?

It sounds like she's wanting to solidify her new lifestyle thinking you'll still take her back if it doesn't suit her.

Probably why the friendly act was used. Nothing more.

Marz posted 5/2/2019 03:22 AM

She's played you before (it worked) so she's expecting to be able to continue that.

Arthur posted 5/2/2019 12:39 PM

Hi,

If you go to YouTube and search for a song "dirty dishes
". I think it will resonate with you. Your soon to be ex couldn't undstand the song if she lived a thousand years.

PS: love some Australian county singers.

(mod) approved

Atg100 posted 5/2/2019 20:47 PM

My children right out refuse to go to her on the weekend.
I remain diplomatic and say that I’m flexible .
It’s her birthday and the kids know it

Marz posted 5/2/2019 21:32 PM

Man, that puts you in a spot. They are not old enough to have a say I don't think. Not sure how the laws are there.

A friend of mine had this situation and unfortunately at the time they were not of age so they didn't have a choice.

Take care

paboy posted 5/2/2019 21:36 PM

These situations are going to be her new norm.. something she needs to now realize.

Your going to need the wisdom of Solomon.

Let us know how you finally resolved this.

Atg100 posted 5/2/2019 21:41 PM

Regarding this weekend , I put her in charge:
I told her that I support whatever she decides.
That’s in writing.

Marz posted 5/2/2019 22:02 PM

Nice job of giving her the option since she created this mess.

Atg100 posted 5/2/2019 22:35 PM

Called my lawyer - he agreed that I did the right thing.
He suggested to offer the kids to have breakfast with mum tomorrow, so that I’m seen to actively foster the relationship.

Unofficially , he said “ looks like the kids have figured out that your wife is a fucking idiot ... she is playing the victim card now”

Marz posted 5/2/2019 22:41 PM

Unfortunately a lot like your stbx will not recognize her part in this.

So it's all your fault. You're poisoning the kids against her.

The only way to play that game is not to play.

Research Grey Rocking and parallel parenting. It'll be your only good path.

She will often come back and want you to fix her problem normally with the kids.

Learn to ignore. After the ink dries of course.

It'll be awkward but you'll be fine if you keep your boundaries up around her

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