SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I have not posted for a little while. My spouse had an online affair but far far more has come to light since. He is certainly a gift that keeps on giving - more like a stink bomb than a lovely present from your mom.

My respect for him has diminished and tbh I just see him as a rather pathetic individual.

I am unsure if he is cruel, narcissistic, psychotic, selfish or stupid. Maybe a mixture. But it’s pretty irrelevant tbh. I don’t think he’ll ever get what he’s searching for. He may get a disease but I doubt he’ll get a fulfilling relationship unless he sorts himself out. But I can’t control that. Its pathetic. Maybe it suits him to be this way. I can only assume it does.

It’s clear what I thought I / we had was nonsense.

So I am in a better place psychologically. I can function. Yet I’m still distracted at times by it. I’ve had therapy and I’m not sure that more would be right at this time.

What things can I do to try and help me further. I am in a bit of a rut again. My social circle is pretty big. I am an extrovert and am finding myself again. But I’m clearly not back to being me. I have a few interests and I’m so much better at seeing emotional stuff clearly. I’ve done a lot of work on flooding and breathing before I panic etc.

In a way I wish I could sit with you guys in real life, laugh, cry and listen to you all. I bet you all have some great ideas!

So small suggestions or big suggestions - all appreciated. I want to feel happier, more at peace, fulfilled. Etc. My motivation is a bit scatty for example and I was very motivated prior to this shit show. Hints and tips would be great. I’m over 4 years but plenty of trickle truth more like a longstanding dripping tap than a trickle.

Probably at this point, a lot of the healing would lie in expansion. Letting things go provides new space for this. It sounds like you are letting go of your husband, which is a big deal.

Having lots of people to rely on is good, do you have people in that you share a deeper connection with? Expansion in some of those chosen relarionships can be helpful—it offers multitudes of ways of getting emotional needs met.

I know this is going to sound irrelevant but hobbies are very healing. They instill a sense of purpose, offer time in flow state, provide learning opportunities, a sense of accomplishment, and can increase inner knowing and confidence.

Self care. Listening to our own needs and lovingly fulfilling those things provide a nurturing that is needed when you feel emotionally sore. Listen to your body. Rest. Eat well, get exercise. Touch grass. Buy some clothes you love to wear.

Connect with your inner child and play. Also I found that there were profound clues about myself in childhood that when I reflect on those things gave some really good information about what I might like to try, be, feel, experience.

In other words, focus on yourself, expand so you feel whole all in your own (you may have already started to feel that way). Be self directed in a way marriage hasn’t allowed and be patient with yourself- healing is not linear.

[This message edited by hikingout at 7:51 PM, Wednesday, September 16th]

Be in your body, present.

Body and mind are way more connected than most think, because we got used to be in our heads so much of the day.

Presence in both body and spirit is really our natural baseline, remember when you were a child? That’s the true normal.

Breathing, walking, eating healthy most time and sometimes unhealthy if you’re allowing it. You have 5 senses, can you name them real fast without thinking? The one (or ones) you struggle more to name is the side of life you are depriving yourself the most from right now.

Having people around is good, but you don’t neglect your own center first, that seems what you are trying to reach still.

It cannot be bestowed, you simply reclaim it. You are you, and can’t be anything else. Is already perfect the way you are, you just need to embrace it.

It will relax your lymbic system and you will see the world differently, more simply.

Emotions follow the body as much the body follows emotions, they all stem from your self acceptance.
Be in love with yourself and this will reflect in your life, your nature kindness and energy is received from how much you can embrace your inner self.

Are you guys still together / working on the marriage ? For me I’m feeling like it’s hard to progress with that dead energy holding you back. You can do things to be stable and to work on your healing but sometimes being inside of the relationship itself is the thing that keeps you feeling bad. In general I think the most healing things are therapy , journaling, exercise , and new experiences . Filling your life with new energy. I feel the same that I wish we could all hang out in real life and exchange stories ! Stay strong - you already are. Use your anger as motivation

In a way I wish I could sit with you guys in real life, laugh, cry and listen to you all. I bet you all have some great ideas!

Reach out in real life!

When I first joined, in 2015, get-togethers were fairly common. In fact, one couple had an annual g2g. Although I never did attend one - to my regret - I was invited to a few.

Over the years I've connected with members over social media, talked on the phone, even met a few in person. All of them were folks with whom I bonded on these boards. Taking those virtual friendships to the next level was one of the best things I've done, for they are truly some of the most extraordinary people I've ever known.