SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm completely floored by the way my H opened up in our MC this evening. He admitted to going through feeling numb. He said his boss recently told him he can't get a read on my H because he doesn't show any emotion. He's always flat. I've been saying this for years. He goes through life on automatic pilot, not really thinking, feeling, or experiencing any of it.

His assignment is to think about what kinds of interactions he wants from me. What does he enjoy doing with me? He couldn't think of anything during the session.

I don't know if this applies to your H but sometimes if someone has been chronically disappointed in life, esp in childhood, maybe they never got what they wanted or needed, whether it was love or approval or affection from their parents, or material things or things from friends or even later through work etc, they might feel that nothing they do matters and nothing's ever going to work out as they want so why should they care? Sometimes this might be to avoid arguments, sometimes it avoids disappointment, sometimes it just seems most efficient. Your husband may be the kind of person who lives most in his own mind and that's where the action takes place. Once he gets into the real world he has no control and nothing seems to work out so why bother. It becomes a habit of thought like anything else. It might take some effort to get him to see that things can be different, that he may have a range of possibilities and therefore a range of reactions. But he needs to get the pilot light back on. I wonder if that can be what cheating is about sometimes, an attempt to get the pilot light back on.