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Emotionalaffair24 (original poster new member #85635) posted at 6:47 AM on Friday, September 12th, 2025
I watched all of this horrific event unfold on social media and this woman’s whole life be taken away from her in an instant and it made me think "is the anger I’m holding onto worth it" My husband has done everything he should, besides have a fucking affair, but he quit his job, went immediately no contact, full remorse, complete transparency and it was a very short emotional affair but I have so much anger still. Is it worth it? We have had a really good reconciliation besides the times I am triggered and he works through it with me every step of the way but do I want to keep doing this? If I have committed to reconciliation then I need to let go of the anger, I said I would never forgive her but maybe I need to because she still has a hold over me, mainly because of my fear of running into her. I have spoken to her, text her but never seen her in person and it is a fear of mine but is it worth it? My husband has a dangerous job, that everyday he leaves there is a chance something could happen to him and today made me realize it might be time to not let him off the hook, but decide to take solid steps to move forward and leave it in the past. There are going to be triggers I need to deal with along the road and I feel confident he will be there 100% for those but life is too short. I decided I want US so I think that is what I need to focus on. Sorry for the rambling.
[This message edited by Emotionalaffair24 at 9:56 PM, Friday, September 12th]
leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 2:58 PM on Friday, September 12th, 2025
No, the shooting didn't change my view on forgiveness, but I haven't looked at things on SM nor am I in the process of R.
If your WH is putting in the work and changing to be a safe partner, then you may wish to focus on rebuilding or regaining trust. The hard part is that rebuilding this takes consistent actions over time. Don't feel like you need to force it, and please be sure to realize that you can change your mind.
BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21
This0is0Fine ( member #72277) posted at 4:32 PM on Friday, September 12th, 2025
We all have different realizations from different events.
Yes, life is fragile and temporary. Get what beauty and happiness you can from it before it is gone. For some, that's the motivation to work harder R. For others, that's the motivation to realize you can't live in false R.
Love is not a measure of capacity for pain you are willing to endure for your partner.
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 4:43 PM on Friday, September 12th, 2025
As posed, the question on which this thread is based is inherently political. Locked, perhaps temporarily.
[This message edited by SI Staff at 4:46 PM, Friday, September 12th]
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
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