FindingaWayHome ( member #78829) posted at 10:08 AM on Thursday, June 12th, 2025
Hi IH,
"The divorce is final."
Honestly, I feel mixed emotions - sadness because of your journey of pain and loss, but I also understand your feelings: "Feels strangely light. What I so deeply feared didn’t happen. I went thru the door and found safety and possibility on the other side."
So I also say with you brother - "Thank God."
All the best dealing with the emotional Roller Coaster over the next season.
And yes, I am so looking forward to coffee in heaven.
Hang in there brother - and hungs to the kids,
FAWH.
Abcd89 ( member #82960) posted at 10:11 AM on Thursday, June 12th, 2025
Ive posted on a few of your threads.
I hope you find peace now IH. All the best
Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 4:33 PM on Thursday, June 12th, 2025
Maybe one of the harder things to accept is that despite the divorce and the reasons that led you to decide that path, there are positives and positive periods within your marriage. It’s not all bad – but it developed into something that you couldn’t accept. The decision isn’t taken lightly.
Keeping in mind that you two still have the role as coparents I would think it sad if you found some anticipation or joy in being able to look back at your wife as a toxic cheating ex.
I would rather prefer that you lived your separate lives, but could come together (even with future partners, what with them then becoming stakeholders in your kids lives) for events and incidents that involve your kids.
My daughter is a teacher, and she says that parent-teacher meetings where she has four "parents" – mom and new partner, dad and new partner... are the ones that usually involve successful kids, and/or successful resolution. I think that would be hard if you constantly view your ex as toxic...
An old and classic survey done some decades ago by one of the Ivy-League schools found out that when asked 12 months after a divorce was finalized a significant number shared regret, and said the issues could have been resolved.
But... more importantly...
The same group asked at the 18-month mark nearly unanimously stated that they were content with their decision and were positive regarding what lay ahead.
I guess it goes to support the theory that it generally takes us up to 2 years to recover from trauma, and divorce definitely is trauma.
"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus
Wounded Healer ( member #34829) posted at 5:19 PM on Thursday, June 12th, 2025
Thanking God with you, Hulk.
Truly.
WH
BS - 39 years on DDay
DDay #1: 10/13/2010 - 4 month EA/PA with divorced OM from 10/2009 to 2/2010
DDay #2: 4/14/2021 - 8 month EA with married OM/family friend 2/2010 to 10/2010
Crazy about each other. Reconciling.
gr8ful ( member #58180) posted at 8:54 PM on Thursday, June 12th, 2025
Congrolences IH. Simply sucks she had to do all she did. That said, I’m truly optimistic you’re going to thrive like you never have before. God is good!
