SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thanks ibonnie -

I like update posts, especially when it's from someone I remember back in the day when I was more active on here, too. Glad to hear you're doing well.

I hope you have found some peace on the other side it all too — or at least healing up some.

Hey Bos-

I had a thought on triggers to add.

It sounds like you have as good of a handle on this thing, maybe better than me at the four year mark.

She's done everything right but I think it's still the triggers (everyone's different and honestly sometimes you can laugh at yourself on what does it...I have a few odd ones)

Some triggers are fairly obvious, but yeah, I got some situations that really surprise me when they remind of the A era.

That said, some things, like infidelity on a TV show or movie (my wife used to jump on the remote like a live hand grenade when some of the those scenes hit the screen) doesn’t bother me much at all. Stuff happens, some of our society even try to normalize the idea (yeah, not normal), but I guess I have gotten used to the world not understanding the pain it causes.

Music can still get me, some songs are very powerful reminders. I still get agitated when we travel through a city that some of the A happened in, but I am getting better at getting my focus back to current events now.

Not weaponizing the A is very hard, I think the best of us fall into that trap on occasion — and unfortunately, I still read here how some WS weaponize it as well. I haven’t said anything harsh about it for about five years now, a good sign of my own path to being better.

For me, my wife has treated the last chance as the gift I intended. I think that’s key to making the relationship healthier and happier.

I hope your healing continues!

[This message edited by Oldwounds at 7:26 PM, Sunday, June 1st]

Hey Waited!

Oldwounds, congratulations on your continued success with the marriage. We all here know how it takes continued engagement, especially after infidelity to keep a marriage on track. You are a testament to how hard work and keeping your eye on the goal can lead to a great marriage, which it seems you have!

Thanks for the kindly observations. I hope you are getting healed up as well.

Lots of brutally hard work for sure, at least early on, but I have found that there really isn’t a lot of that hard work anymore. And maybe it is a good sign, as the kindness to each other is just a part of everyday now, maybe how it should have always been.

It doesn’t mean life is all rainbows, just that we get to be there for each other on the tough days too.

MJ!

Glad you are going strong, brother.

Thank you, it sounds like you are going strong as well!

I, too, never use the word "better" in describing the new marriage. There's nothing "better" about the lost innocence, shattering pain, or dead marriage.

I may not have done a great job explaining my initial take. Although, I don’t know that our overall perspectives (or the The1stWife’s take) are that far apart.

I hate the A and everything about it. I feel good and healthy and happy absolutely despising what happened during the A. That’s our same page for sure.

However, my relationship with my wife today, is better.

Not because of the horror show, it is what we did after she finally confessed.

But it is more authentic. We've acquired communication skills we never realized we were sorely lacking. And I am entirely comfortable in calling out disrespect, injustice, and bad behavior anywhere in life. I've learned that my old self can die and I can grow a new man, and how to accept and adapt to the changes in him.

It’s the authentic — for me — that makes the M better.

We never really had that. We had the games, the manipulations, the say and do things just to get through the day type of M before.

Life is so much better when all the bullshit is gone.

Like you, I do call things out, in all of my relationships now, not just at home. I don’t pretend or hold back for anyone, ever. At this point, I am disappointed I lived in the get along to go along mode for too many years.

You, me, Cap, we were in it at the same time, and I'll always be grateful for you and your insights, relatability, and solid presence here. Good to see you doing well. Oorah.

I haven’t seen Cap in a minute, and it is baseball season, hopefully he is at a game somewhere (just not the God-awful Rockies).

You helped a truck ton when I first got here, I am grateful that we vented early and often to each other!

God bless,

God Bless good Sir!