BluerThanBlue ( member #74855) posted at 11:32 AM on Tuesday, May 20th, 2025
So I take it you decided not to contact the spouse of the phone sex guy because you’re afraid of upsetting your wife and disrupting the momentary peace.
You’re sweeping her EA— which is almost certainly a PA— under the rug.
And she knows exactly what she’s doing and how to play you.
I often feel like Cassandra on this forum— doomed to predict awful events that no one believes until they actually happen— but I’m still going to tell you that if you continue on your current course of action, which is to do nothing, then you are setting yourself up for more misery and more betrayal.
[This message edited by BluerThanBlue at 11:35 AM, Tuesday, May 20th]
BW, 40s
Divorced WH in 2015; now happily remarried
I edit my comments a lot for spelling, grammar, typos, etc.
gr8ful ( member #58180) posted at 2:21 PM on Tuesday, May 20th, 2025
I often feel like Cassandra on this forum— doomed to predict awful events that no one believes until they actually happen— but I’m still going to tell you that if you continue on your current course of action, which is to do nothing, then you are setting yourself up for more misery and more betrayal.
It’s a very sad truth of life some people simply must learn the hard way.
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 3:38 PM on Tuesday, May 20th, 2025
** Member to Member **
An aphorism I took to heart long ago is: one learns more from failure than from success.
At the same time, a lot of people seem to know instinctively that rug-sweeping is far from an ideal strategy - even when it appears to work, it leaves too many issues unresolved.
Justabouthere, You've received a virtually unanimous verdict in response to the words you've written.
Are you seeing something that you haven't written?
If so, what is it?
What gives you hope?
What do you expect to be results of your tactics?
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
Justabouthere (original poster new member #86143) posted at 9:22 PM on Tuesday, May 20th, 2025
Thanks everyone for keeping me in mind, I appreciate it.
BTB, you were quite clairvoyant about the OBS when you said that she may already know more than I thought. I received a short response to my message to her. "TY. I am aware." I haven’t heard anything from her since, and so far, no blowback in my face.
As far as rug sweeping the EA is concerned, I am looking at it more as putting a pin in it for now. The school year is ending for my kids this week, and the second week of summer vacation will be six days of sleepover camp for the both of them. I am planning to address the EA with her then. Just the two of us and the dogs. I don’t feel an urgency to move faster on it, and it will give me some time to prepare myself.
DD#1 03/24/25 PA OP#1
DD#2 05/02/25 EA OP#2
My soulmate stumbled and fell. I just want to pick her up and carry her home.
