@formerpeopleperson,
I would want for someone to say more things they love about what make me uniquely me. What differentiates my being from others that they love about me without the conditions of what I can do for them.
So number one did also give me pause for reasons others above have listed which was the emphasis on the, "you’re beautiful on the inside". Why specifically on the inside? And if I’m loved for what’s inside then why does that not make me beautiful (to you) on the outside too?
Additionally, for number one…"you’re honest, kind, and have integrity" well…yes sure, and so are many other people. Those aren’t really unique to me. You can love someone else with those same qualities. And yes, I absolutely value those things about myself but they aren’t what make me unique necessarily. And if I’ve been in a relationship with someone for a long time…can they say anything else?
Number 2, you are the "perfect" mother is just such a high bar, but also not really descriptive.
My work ethic….well, it’s a necessity and a contribution to the household and to adulting in general.
The one about being his wife, that one is just like…huh?
And my level of commitment? That would just piss me off bc they cheated while I was committed and grrrr. But, in a marriage/relationship/family - commitment should be a given.
I would want someone to express more about what they love about ME. Not generally speaking, and especially not after infidelity where there’s so much hurt and there’s so many emotions that come up.
I would want to know that I’m special to them, that I mean something to them, that I’m important, that they know me, that they’ve paid attention to my quirks and what makes me innately my own individual person that’s nothing like anyone else. And even despite all of that being said…actions mean everything. Their own healing work means everything. If they find a way to express what they love about me more deeply, it still wouldn’t hold water if they treat me poorly.
Their work on themselves matters so that can learn to love and value themselves and then in turn extend that love and value onto me as their spouse.
